ads

He recites the proper incantations. But incantations are not enough. Next he unsheaths a long blade and, with a ritual flourish, stabs it deep into his own heart. He is granted an unnatural immortality for a short time, and if he is pleasing in Athena's eyes, he will be magically healed once she leaves the temple. But if she is displeased...

Suddenly the statue's eyes glow a dark but burning yellow. And in the statue's outstretched hands, two enormous flames of the same color coalesce, resolving themselves into the form of two lamps. With lamps and eyes alike alight, Athena commands her supplicant.

"WHY HAVE YOU CALLED UPON ME, MORTAL?"

The priest, shaking with pain but still alive as he grips the knife in his chest, issues a hesitant response. "My lady! I apologize -- please forgive me -- but your city will be lost if you do not intervene!"

"MY CITY?"

"Ah.... yes..." the priest is confused, but he continues. "Athens. This city. Your city! Even now, invaders burn it to the ground. All the learning and progress that you blessed us with will be lost forever if--"

"THIS IS NOT MY CITY." Athena says.

The priest coughs and sputters and a thin strand of blood runs down his chin. "But... my lady..."

Amber Lamps is a classic, timeless beauty.

"THIS IS YOUR CITY, HUMAN. YOU AND YOUR ILK DEDICATED IT TO ME, BUT I NEVER ASKED FOR IT. AND THOUGH YOUR FOIBLES ENTERTAIN ME, I CARE NOT FOR YOUR ULTIMATE FATE."

"My lady... my lady, please..." The priest has been reduced to a drooling, sobbing mess, tears and mucus and blood intermingling on the cold tile floor below him. He has dedicated his entire life to this goddess. His every waking moment was only to sing Her praises. And now he will die, despairing in the knowledge that She never cared at all.

"I TAKE MY LEAVE OF YOU NOW." She says. "AND FOR INTERRUPTING MY BACCHANAL WITH THIS ANNOYANCE, I SHALL NOT MEND YOUR SELF-INFLICTED WOUND. THE LAMPS OF KNOWLEDGE ARE SNUFFED, AND WITH THEM YOUR LIFE."

The flames instantly dissipate and the priest falls forward, dead.

amber lamps!!!!1111

Jerusalem, Israel
33 AD

They are hoisting the pretender up on the rafters now. He's mostly naked, bleeding all over, emaciated. His face is contorted into a hideous rictus that looks somewhat less than human.

It's been a while since Athena walked the Earth, but She just has to see this. She works Her way through the growing throng, towards the front, trying to get a better view. She is wearing a vibrant blue shirt and odd purple leggings, extravagant dress amongst commoners like these. But no one seems to notice her presence. They're too busy clamoring for blood.

Men in black masks are whipping the pretender now. The governor stands next to him as a cross is readied. He asks the crowd if they will spare the pretender's life. But of course the question is just a formality, and the crowd merely jeers louder.

The pretender is strung up and nails are driven into his extremities. It looks exquisitely painful and it sounds even worse. He shrieks like a girl with each blow.

He wanted to be a god, though. It's all his doing -- mortals should never try to usurp the natural order of things. The spectacle of this execution therefore pleases Athena immeasurably. If only all false gods suffered like this.

She looks on as he is crucified, Her head slightly cocked, a wan smile on Her crimson lips. Finally the pretender relaxes his neck, and his head falls down so that he catches the goddess' gaze. They stare into each other's eyes for several moments.

He senses a cold malice in her. Something truly horrifying to him, something not present even in the men right now murdering him. There is something in Her stare that bores a hole in his skull and burns his soul. He senses, too, that She is not rightly human, that rather She's something more, a force of nature, immutable, unshakable. That She will be around long after he is dust.

She nods knowingly. Knowing is Her business, after all.

The pretender can't stand looking at Her anymore. He lolls his head to the side and groans. Athena leaves him, but not out of mercy.

She has simply grown bored of the proceedings.

sounds like this athena bitch needs a good dicking to chill the fuck out

>>7758816

THIS DISPLEASES THE GODDESS.

GET IN THE MOTHER FUCKING KITCHEN AND SUCK MY DICK AND MAKE A SANDWICH ATHENA!

Hastings, East Sussex, England
1066 AD

The stench of death carries for miles. All day Harold has held the Normans back, standing atop Senlac Hill with a full complement of his best men, picking the invaders off. He's rebuffed all of their advances and is beginning to feel cautiously confident. Perhaps the tides of this war are finally turning in his favor.

Finally the invaders begin their shameful retreat. Harold begins to feel a sort of ecstsy. England will remain safe under his watchful eye.

But from the opposite side of the hill there comes a horse bearing the royal flag, all bedecked in violet and teal. Upon its back is a woman equally well-dressed, immaculate despite what was surely a journey of many miles. She wears bulky earmuffs to guard against the cold. In her free hand, she carries an ornate lamp of finest amber, used to light her way as evening settles upon the countryside. Harold recognizes her form immediately -- his favored concubine, Alexa.

He orders his men to allow her passage up the hill, where he meets her and kisses her hand from atop his own horse. Despite the courtesy, he is somewhat upset.

"What brings you here, woman?" He demands.

"My liege," she says, demuring. "I bring terrible news. The Normans have mounted a secondary force to sack your castle. The battle here is just a distraction -- even now they are raping Sussex!"

Harold's eye twitches. A low murmur of anxiety ripples through the ranks of his army.

"Thank you very much, Alexa." He says with faux calmness. "Wait here."

He turns his horse and looks down at William's retreating forces.

"Men!" He roars. "I was willing to spare this coward's life and allow him the dishonor of retreat. But this treachery cannot go unpunished. We will give chase! I will break that weasel's neck with my own two hands! I will cleave his body in two! And now, let us go -- for the glory of all Saxons!

The men cheer and they descend the hill, fast after William's army.

Athena obeys Harold's order to stay, though she hates to be bossed around. She watches the ensuing battle with a measure of interest.

She will stay just long enough to see the arrow pierce Harold's skull, and no longer. History will not record Her presence here -- She will see to that -- and Harold will die never knowing that the news She brought to him was a lie.

This is really interesting so far, proceed.

Berlin, Germany
1945 AD

"What are we to do, mein fraulein? What are we to do?"

The fuehrer has been coming loose at the seams for several days now. The Red Army is drawing ever closer, and Mussolini is dead. It's only a matter of time before all is lost.

Eva is having the time of her life.

She's the only one he trusts anymore. And every day she whispers some new innuendo to him. "Himmler is negotiating a peace treaty," she sighs into his ear one night just after he gives her a mechanical, joyless rutting. "He told me so himself. He's only looking out for his own well-being, not the fatherland's. He's a traitor."

The fuehrer finally explodes one day during a status meeting. He spends nearly an hour ranting at his closest officers, pounding on his desk, throwing things. Most of what he says is completely senseless. He just sits there and screams delusional nothings, and no one is brave enough to try interrupting it. From outside the office, Eva listens to it with the rest of the bunker's families and staff. She's the only one smiling.

"You need to kill yourself," she tells him that evening. "They'll lynch you like they did in Italy. They'll murder you without any more thought than they'd give to killing a common criminal. Suicide is the only dignified option remaining."

The fuehrer cradles his beet-red face in clammy hands. "Will you go with me?" He moans.

"Yes," she says. "I will."

They marry. He doesn't have enough focus to consummate the marriage properly.

The fuehrer procures some poison, but Eva warns him that the doctor is lying about its efficacy. "Those are sugar pills," she says. "They won't do anything. They want you alive so that they can blame everything on you and send you to prison, so that they can live out the rest of their lives in freedom. Don't trust them."

"What can I do? What can I do?" the fuehrer pleads.

"Test the pills," she whispers tenderly. "It's the only way to be sure."

And so she makes him kill a dog. A wonderful dog, one the fuehrer loved like a child. Every day since coming underground the fuehrer has wept -- but now he truly despairs

The hour comes. Spaghetti doesn't seem a very fitting last meal, but it's all they have. They retreat to a private study and the fuehrer draws a pistol.

"First you, then me," he says. "So that you don't have to do it yourself." All the emotion has drained from his voice. He's already dead -- the suicide will simply make it official.

"Yes, mein fuehrer," she says.

The fuehrer bites down on one of the poison capsules as he aims the gun at Eva's temple. He fires. She does not even flinch. The bullet makes no wound.

The fuehrer's eyes widen in disbelief and suddenly a cold, otherworldly flame surrounds his newlywed wife.

"Fire from the lamps of knowledge," the fuehrer mutters, but the words are not his own -- they come from somewhere outside of him. He begins to tremble uncontrollably.

"What ARE you?" He asks, and these words are his.

"My name is not Eva," She tells him.

The fuehrer points the gun at his head and fires.

For the rest of their lives, his staff will wonder exactly where frau Braun disappeared to.

Oakland, California
2010 AD

"Why a brother gotta spit-shine your shoes?"

As conflicts go, this one doesn't even rank. Athena has seen empires crumble; she's seen tyrants felled by their own armies; she's seen death and destruction across the ages on scales unimaginable. Unless one of these men begins brutally eviscerating bystanders, She won't bother to pay attention.

The two mortals banter back and forth like children. One of them moves, and the other follows. There's shouting, and at some point blows are exchanged.

Boring.

One of the men -- the larger, bearded one -- leaves. The small black one stumbles back to his seat near the goddess, face leaking blood like a broken faucet. But what he says manages to get the fickle goddess' attention.

"Bring me the amber lamps."

A jolt runs down Athena's spine. This is the first time she's felt shock in several millenia. Is it actually possible that this human, this strange-looking moor, knows her secret? She's hidden her divinity since Rome turned to that damned pretender. How could it be, then...

She looks at him. He looks at Her. But he doesn't say anything else. And then he looks away, wipes his face.

Her heart skips a beat, and though he may not know after all... there is something about him that She recognizes, something that stirs an intangible memory, half-obscured by the mists of ages, receeding further the more She grasps for it.

"The amber lamps shine upon you, son of Africa."

"I... what?" The bleeding man looks back over, confused. But Athena is already gone.

>>7759136
I fucking lol'd myself shitless

Fucking. Brilliant. I applaud you.

ARCHIVE THIS EPIC TALE OF THE AMBER LAMPS

>>7758929
Flawless victory, sir.
One suggestion, however, and it is rather small. Perhaps you would change Harold's mistress Alexa's name to Sophia, unless you've found some mention of an Alexa that I have not.
I shall toast you with my heartiest wine.

TOASTING IN EPlC BREAD

Yep. Internet's over. This guy won.

This is awesome. Truly awesome.

Archive this, faggots.

>>7759416

agree'd. shit is so cash.

It's good? Now I have to actually read that

hahah what the fuck did i just read...

awesome.

This is pretty epic actually. Well done OP, well done indeed

HOLY FUCK
HOOOOOOLY FUUUUUUUCK

what i don't get it.

Haha, not bad. Was this actually written just for this or is it some extended copypasta?

>>7759693

oh shit ambulance. hahaha

>>7759694

I wrote it last night.

I didn't get the end. Explain.

i do not get the last bit????

>>7759718

also I was going to include a couple more sections, including one at Atilla the Hun's death, and possibly one during the black plague, but I am LAZY AS FUCK.

She was totally there for that shit though.

>>7759718
Well done. Have you posted it somewhere else too?

>>7759136
This was pretty good.

>>7759763

Nope. Wrote it intending to post it on the old arcanine. Haven't been here in ages.

Hahaha, really great. I thought it was something old at first.

>>7759798
are you the guy from yourworldoftext or whatever it was called who left little quotes from blind guardian everywhere on his quest north?

Why don't you submit it to that thing /lit/s setting up?

>>7759914

I don't know what that is!

What is it?

>>7759878
>>7759927
are you the same bard? i could never make it as far as the bard did... furtherest i made it was 560odd before there was a power surge and restarted my computer

Archive this, folks. This is some epic shit.

I,....I,....I....

... I fucking wept.

I can't believe how unnoticed this is going. This is amazing.

>>7760010

I have no clue who you're talking about, sorry.

Post some more of your writings, man. This was fucking awesome.

>>7759927
Some online zine of stuff from anon that started on /lit/. There might be a thread on it.

Holy fucking shit this fucksa me in the ass!

Haha, great!

We only need one more request for archival guys.

ITT: samefag tries to be "epic" and get his gay shit archived

fuck off

>>7760111

itt idiots with no attention span can't take five minutes out of masturbating to gore and cp to read a cool little story, miss out on all the fun

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT RIGHT FUCKING NAOW.

OP, Tell us your name so we may buy books in the future.

>>7760169
It's clever, and original but I think you're going a bit far there.

This is pretty good OP.
Ever considered writing as a career?

EPIC FUCKING WIN
seriously why is this shit not archived?

>>7760187

When I was a kid. Now I'm in college studying a STEM major so I can end up with a real job. Maybe some day I'll take a writing class and try to get something published, but frankly I probably won't. Writing is just a way for me to blow off steam.

ahem

The girl in the pic is that meme "amber lamps"

she remains utterly calm amidst some upheval or something (I just googled it)

So in other words, the OP is saying she is Athena

and that she remains calm in the face of upheaval because she is a goddess and has seen all this shit before

therefore, this is epic writing from a truly meme centred perspective.

It is for this reason that this is truly epic and should be archived and stickied for the rest of time.

whats the vote link, has it been archived yet, whats going on?

>>7760218
>real job
Writing is a real job.
But whatevs most great writers wrote as a hobby.

I hereby post for the sole purpose of elevating this thread.

/r/ repost on /lit/

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 7 times now.

Congrats, your request has just triggered the archival process for thread 7758683

OH FUCK THAT WAS EPIC

peace out /r9k/, thanks for reading. makin' me some dinner now.

YESSSS. BRING ME THE AMBER LAMPS.

>>7759878
>>7760010
Whoa, you remember that? God, this makes me happy.

But no, I'm not this Bard tripfag.

>Jesus screams like a girl

>>7759878
No, he's not. I'm the Bard from The World of Text. And I did a lot more drawings than quotes from Blind Guardian.

>>7760010
I made up to 2,000. A shame you didn't get there, I made some pretty big drawings from 1k and up.

And you guys have just made my day by remembering that.

>>7760255
It's already archived. And damn, it deserved.

> http://www.yourworldoftext.com/
> 403 Forbidden
> Die a little inside

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT

someone submit this. this is awesome

epicness

>>7760111
You have no understanding of /r9k/, or 4chan, or *chan culture in general. Kindly vacate your broswer via the close button and never return to the internet.

I tip my hat to you, Bard. This does deserve to be archived for posterity.

bumping an awesome thread