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Well, I managed to survive last night.... So I went to the local library to see what I could find on the creature. Nothing. So as I'm walking home (the Flummox blew my car up) I see a fortune teller and I ask him. He says "Give me your watch" so I do and then he says "the only way one can defeat the Flummox is if they catch a piece of his body in a jar..... You must then put the jar in the microwave for 100 minutes until it is completely fried".

This new learning amazed me, so I went to sleep. I awoke in the bad part of town in the darkness of night (full of ghettos and hooligans) so I went to grab my bicycle but notice it was stole. So as I'm running home I see the Flummox in the road, flummoxing his way in my direction.

Immediatley I jumped down the local manhole and lit myself a candle. I slept there for the night, until just now when I decided to post this.

So I finally got pics of the area that I'm in.

I landed here (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/lurgy4.jpg) when I saw the Flummox heading my way. I slept here for the night, and when I awoke I headed through into the next room (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/lurgygarden.jpg), and I made a salad out of the lush greenery. Finally, I headed through the neighboring tunnel (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/lurgylight.jpg) and explored the perimeter.

I crawled out of the manhole and caught a ride back to my apartment. The man driving the steamboat said he could only take me so far, and that I would have to swim the rest of the way. He provided me with a rubber inner-tube for to floatation device and I set out across the sea.

I awoke on the docks at night and realized I was nowhere near my apartment, the man had led me astray. Just then, my cel-phone rang out, the number was CALLING FROM INSIDE MY APARTMENT! I hesitated but answered, on the other end was police officer John Malone, he informed me that 3 bodies were found inside my apartment, each missing their flesh. He said he believed in my innocence, but wanted to know what was going on.

Before I could tell him to get the hell out, I heard a violent sucking sound and Malone screamed in pain. The Flummox had obviously gotten him as well.

To my horror, I then remembered that my parents would be coming down to visit soon. My current quest is to build a raft and sail back to my apartment.

Earlier today I met a homeless man and told him I needed passage to the other side of the sea. He told me I could have his stuff with which to make myself a raft, so I beat him up and took it. I constructed this raft (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/Image25.jpg) and went on to forage for food around the docks. I dined upon the indeginous crustecean in the area (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/Porcellio_scaber.jpg)

I awoke to find the Flummox sailing away on my raft cackling like a cow. With him was the homeless man... I watched in horror as the Flummox violently flummoxed his skin off. The Flummox makes a violent sucking sound and removes the skin, leaving the homeless man skinless ALIVE!

I called a cab, but he called me back and said "Hey kid, **** you.... and watch out for the Flummox". This hurt my feelings, but I was happy to know the world was cheering for me.

I then saw a barge(http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/CanalBarge.jpg) sailing away and decided that it would be the fastest route back to my house so I tied a rope to my rubber inner-tube (which I had been wearing) and lassoed the barge and caught a ride. When I awoke I recognized that I was now in China because it smelled like a urinal and cigarette butts were everywhere. I saw a chinese man (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/rickshaw.jpg) and caught a ride, I told him my story but luckily he could not make the English.

He told me his name was Larry and then my mother called in a moment that would forever change my life.
"Hello?"
"Yes this is your mother, I was sick and unable to come visit and so I sent your father instead..... The police just notified me that he was found dead, missing his skins"

At this point, I asked Larry to pull over. I broke down and cried and Larry began to dance. We then resumed our trip when suddenly Larry screamed. There before us, was the Flummox writhing about in my brothers skins.

Before I could think, Larry leaped into action.
"What are you doing!?" I said
"Brother, I am proud to have known you" said Larry
and with that, he drove his rickshaw straight into the fleshy corpus. This, of course, only served to further enrage the Flummox, which proceded to flummox Larry into oblivion.

I turned and ran until I found an abandoned hotel (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/jpLoveHotel.jpg). Apparently this sacred place was unflummoxable. But I watched in horror as the creature flummoxed and ate my dog as well as my guinea pig, rosey.

*Special note: with everything the Flummox absorbs, it can then turn into this and walk among the living*
**Also, teleporting and lock picking are among it's special abilities*

Tommorow will be my finest hour!

I awoke feeling strange, "Was it the banana flavored rubber thingy I ate earlier?" I thought. I looked down to find the sheets of my bed a bloody mess! The Flummox had apparently flummoxed the skin of my legs (all the way to the kneecaps) completely. "Why would he only maim me?" I thought, there had to be an explanation, but first I knew I had to get out of Singapore.

I jumped off of the balcony and landed on my rubber inner-tube. I lassoed a momma goat (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/smMountainGoat85.jpg) and commanded he take me back to the airport. However, they deemed me unsuitable for flight (the Flummox had stolen my clothes, leaving me with only the rubber inner-tube for protections).

I walked back outside, depressed. Above my head I watched as the plane I was about to get on CRASHED! The Flummox apparently crashed the plane because he thought I was on it, killing over a million oriental peoples. This made me feel better because I wasn't on it.

've become used to dining in the wilderness. So I foraged around Singapore (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/photo_lg_singapore_cntry.jpg) for food stuffs. I met an old crone (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/2024177_090504pL32.jpg) and although I could not understand what this old man was saying I knew it had to be important. I later dined on authentic Singapore cuisine (cats, orangutans, small children, etc) and rode momma goat to the nearest ship (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/ship.jpg).

It was one dark night in Bombay when I awoke. The crew had apparently ditched me and my goat and I was left stranded. My cell phone rang out, it was the cab service they said: "Hey kid, **** you! Oh, and the Flummox just burned down you apartment". I rode the Momma Goat (that's what I named him ) back to my apartment. However I found it was burned down. The neighbors house had also been burned and they said "Hey kid! **** you! The Flummox HAS to have the flesh of the tenant of Apt. 333 or else he goes wild. This is all your fault for not giving your flesh to the Flummox!" and they began to chase after me with small children.

I tore out of the parking lot on the back of momma goaty, I must ran over atleast 15 babies.

I wound up back in my manhole sanctuary which is where I am now. I find this place to be a safe haven but I fear for the worst at what might happen once my lush greeneries (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/lurgygarden.jpg) die off.


I awoke inside the goat. Apparently I had cut it open and slept inside to keep warm (it gets quite cold inside of manholes at night). I created clothes from the remainders, wearing the head like a native american.

I can no longer call for assistance (the Flummox cancelled my Verizon contract). So I sit inside my new home... Thinking back over the past few day's adventure. It's funny how one can go out and see the world, but then must be forcably confined to a manhole... Such is life.

I sometimes run through the tunnels at night, looking for a new passage... but nothing new ever pops up. I shiver when I hear the scraping sounds at night, because I know the lurking horror that waits for me above ground.

The cab service finally came and rescued me from the manhole and took me to the hospital. I lay in the bed, and suddenly I saw a familiar face..... Larry.

I'm loling so hard at this.

I was overjoyed to see my old compadre when I suddenly remembered that the Flummox could turn into anything that he has previously flummoxed. I darted out of the room and into the medical supply room, locking myself in.

I've decided there is no escape in this world.
I've decided to take my own life....... With my bare hands

I awoke in the hospital. Apparently the cocktail of pills I stomached was not enough to kill me and only caused minor brain damage. The workers of the hospital seem to all be in cahoots with the Flummox, working with it to achieve some greater goal.

I would like to take this time to further describe the creature, because it seems some of you are getting it confused with Dr. Seuss's farts and such like.

For starters, the Flummox can take on nearly any form of something he has Flummoxed, but in his natural form he mostly favors a decomposing whale. From this fleshy corpusle he will extend his head, which is like that of a baby without skin. The mouth is approx. 12 feet wide and has no roof, just rows upon rows of teeth. How exactly it "flummoxes" is something I cannot describe, for the detail would be too much for any of you to handle. It was first sited in 1873 by Sir. Simon Ragetti, a Muslim missionary here on a slave hunting expedition. Ragetti reportedly sealed the enemy away by appeasing it with flesh from the people in a nearby villiage, that villiage eventually came to be where I now live.

The Flummox escapes every year but is almost immediatley subdued by flummoxing the flesh from the unwitting victim living in the apartment. Before now, I had be using my supior intellect to outwit the creature, but with the damages done to my brain from the suicide attempt, I fear the Flummox may have become smarter than even myself. I've found a repository of medicine which I eat from daily... It must be vitamins because it causes attentiveness of the nipples.

>>427452
same, this has potential rofl

My plan? Make a mad dash to the Flummox's headquarters and stab him with a hyperdermic needle, extracting the needed DNA. Then, following the fortune tellers advice, I shall run to the nurse's break room and microwave on high for 1000 minutes.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

I awoke in the hospital. Apparently the cocktail of pills I stomached was not enough to kill me and only caused minor brain damage. The workers of the hospital seem to all be in cahoots with the Flummox, working with it to achieve some greater goal.

I would like to take this time to further describe the creature, because it seems some of you are getting it confused with Dr. Seuss's farts and such like.

For starters, the Flummox can take on nearly any form of something he has Flummoxed, but in his natural form he mostly favors a decomposing whale. From this fleshy corpusle he will extend his head, which is like that of a baby without skin. The mouth is approx. 12 feet wide and has no roof, just rows upon rows of teeth. How exactly it "flummoxes" is something I cannot describe, for the detail would be too much for any of you to handle. It was first sited in 1873 by Sir. Simon Ragetti, a Muslim missionary here on a slave hunting expedition. Ragetti reportedly sealed the enemy away by appeasing it with flesh from the people in a nearby villiage, that villiage eventually came to be where I now live.

The Flummox escapes every year but is almost immediatley subdued by flummoxing the flesh from the unwitting victim living in the apartment. Before now, I had be using my supior intellect to outwit the creature, but with the damages done to my brain from the suicide attempt, I fear the Flummox may have become smarter than even myself. I've found a repository of medicine which I eat from daily... It must be vitamins because it causes attentiveness of the nipples.

My plan? Make a mad dash to the Flummox's headquarters and stab him with a hyperdermic needle, extracting the needed DNA. Then, following the fortune tellers advice, I shall run to the nurse's break room and microwave on high for 1000 minutes.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

think I'm dying, but nobody told me. All the medicine I've been ingesting has taken it's toll: I can no longer solve simple math problems, nor can I move my right arm. Nonetheless I took the elevator to the roof of the hospital where I finally met face to face with the Flummox.

He came right toward me, and I had no choice but to do a barrel roll off the side of the 15 story building and into a truck full of asbestos. The truck carried me to Alaska, where I stayed with the native peoples (http://www.census.gov/pubinfo/www/multimedia/img/snowshoes-hi.jpg) and they (using their cybertronic technologies) built me a new right arm, as well as made me clothes from baby seels (http://www.racingtheplanet.com/thelastdesert/live/images/seel.gif).

We drove back to Alabama to face the Flummox, only to find the entire state had been covered with "Flummaise". Flummaise is the goo the Flummox excretes from it's ass after it Flummoxes a victim. Apparently all of Alabama has been Flummoxed and the creature is bent on world domination.

Due to my swiftly expiring health, I am appointing one of the Eskimo natives as my stenographer, but he will still reveal the daily events from 1st person as I dictate.

...And so, my 2 Eskimo friends met their clansmen and together we rallied and army of natives. The two (2) chief generals wished to be known only as "Ducky Ferguson" and "Tim".

We assembled on the Flummaise field, the Flummox covering every building like baby vomit. Suddenly out of the goo, hundreds of smaller Flummoxlets popped up for to battle.

Me:This is where we hold them! This is where we fight! This is where they die!
Ferguson: On these shields, boys!
[Eskimos cheer]
Me: Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time

And with that, the first wave of battalions went at it, many Eskimos died but many more were protected by the baby seel blubber they coated themselves with (far too slippery to flummox). They set fire to the Flummoxlets.... The smell was like that of a baby without flesh.

Me: The world will know that freemen stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and that before this battle is done, that even a Flummox can bleed.

The enemy outnumbered us a paltry three (3) to one (1), good odds for any Eskimo. We were winning when suddenly the Flummoxlets broke of their attack and sent forth a messenger.


Me: Before you speak, Flummoxlet, know that IMO everyone, even a Flummox's messenger, is responsible for the words of their voice. Now...what message do you bring?
Messenger: Flesh and blood
Me: [Laugh] You come all the way from Mother Flummox for flesh and blood?
Messenger: Choose your next words carefully. They may be your last.
Me: You kill my Father, you blew up my car. You kill my goat. You canceled my Verizon contract! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Flummoxlet. Perhaps you should have done the same!
Messenger: [facing my sword] Mad... you're a madman! No man, brain damage or no, would ever attack a messenger!
Messenger: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
Me: Madness? THIS. IS.

Before he could finish his sentence, out of the sky fell upon our leader great amounts of flummox.
Before we knew it, they had us cornered. A trap.

His helmet was stifling, it narrowed his vision. And he must see far.
His inner-tube was heavy. It threw him off balance. And his target is far away.
[Our leader throws his spear and hits the side of the Flummox's face, ripping off his earrings]

He did not wish tribute, nor song, or monuments or poems of war and valor. His wish was simple. "Remember us" he said to me, that was his hope, should any free soul come across that place, in all the countless centuries yet to be. "May all our voices whisper to you from the ageless stones, go tell a passerby, that here by Eskimo law, we lie." And so our leader died, and my brothers died; barely a week ago. Long I pondered my kings cryptic talk of victory, but time has proven him wise, for from free Eskimo to free Eskimo the word was spread that our bold leader and his 300 Alaskans, so far from home laid down their lives not just for Alabama but for all the world and the promise this country holds. Now here on this ragged patch of earth called Flumaise, let his hordes face obliteration!

awoke to find that my Eskimo friends had betrayed me, hijacked my account, and told you all that I was dead. That was all a vicious Eskimo lie (the worst kind) and I have changed my password to keep them out.

** I should make clear that I have been posting the majority of this story from my Nintendo DSlite browser... They told me I was too filthy and poor to go inside starbucks to use their wifi so that's why it takes me so long to update**

The Eskimo chose to fuse with the Flummox and to make him more powerful (he won them over by offering them sleds, dogs, and blubbery fat, typical Eskimo cuisine). They locked me in some kind of underground dungeon, from which I escaped by breaking off my toenail and using it to pick the lock.

ITS A TRAP

I ran as far as I could, far far away. Back to civilization. I ran until I made it to Europe (I was unsure of as to where in Europe I was, possibly Latin?). "Here" I thought, "here I shall get prepared, devise my plan, and finally buy some clothes". I needed clothes since I had up until this point been wearing only fishskins and my inner tube.

While in Latin, I found the ancient graveyard (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/35GraveyardinAutumnadj.jpg) where I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it, I saw a black branch with blood that kept dripping, but I did not stop to help, as it was an Eskimo baby.

While in the graveyard, I made a salad out of dead leaves. I then built myself a small fort for the night. In the darkness of the night it was cold.... I wished I still had my goat to sleep with.... I wished I was still in my manhole hiding place. They had taken it all from me, and soon I shall do the same to them.

I awoke on a train headed out of Europe. I chose a train because trains are the only form of transport left in Europe since we bombed them in WW2. Suddenly, the driver called back and said we would be experiencing some turbulence and all of a sudden the train stopped.

I hung my head out the window and there it was.... The Flummox, it was there and it was blocking the tracks. A British man beside me with bad teeth began to complain... He was the first to get Flummoxed.

I jump through the window of the train and landed on the tracks and began running the opposite direction of the beast. I knew there was no way I could take it on yet, I needed equipment and pants. The Flummox proceeded to tear the entire train apart searching for me.... Atleast a million Europeans must have died as I watched from the woods, appreciating their sacrifice to my cause.

I journeyed through the woods until an old man in an underground home (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/earth-sheltered_home_2.jpg) found me and took me in. He offered me soup but there was something not right about him.

I opened photoshop and compared him to the Eskimos who betrayed me

Him: http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/israel-125year-old-man-laughing.jpg
Eskimo Traitor: http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/eskimo.jpg

Sure enough, friends, he was too an Eskimo. I waited until nightfall, whence I bashed his head open with my DSLite and took his house for my own. It would be here that I could finally rest up for the night......... Or so I thought.

I left the old man's hut and journeyed northward through the European countryside (http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/countryside.jpg). Along my way I met a young European boy who took me in and gave me clothes, as well as eel skins and cheese.

I immediately suspected something was off with this family.... So in the night, I explored their small home.... I found a sword and killed them because I knew they were Eskimo spies sent by the Flummox to capture me.

The following morning I heard a knock at the door. That's when the European Police came and handcuffed me. Apparently the Flummox has disguised itself as me and has been killing people, because the police said I was wanted for murder.

It was preposterous... .and they took me to the jail house, where I sit now typing this to you.

They told me that unlike America, the Europeans have no court system, and I, being American, am automatically guilty. Tomorrow I am to be taken out and publicly stoned to death by all of Europe.

I never thought it would end like this. I run all this way, only to get killed for crimes I didn't commit!

FLUMMOX, IF YOU ARE READING THIS... BURN IN HELL!

h boy... You have no idea what I've been through.

So there I was, sentenced to be stoned to death by all of Europe. They hauled me out like a dog for crimes I did not commit. They put me up on the platform and the people spat on me. It was at this moment the European peoples realized they had no stones with which to stone me, so they pelted me with anchovies, fruit bats, and breakfast cereals instead. I pretended to act dead (they couldn't tell the difference as they have no doctors), and was subsequently hauled off and tossed in the catacombs (http://s8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/?action=view&current=350px-Catacombs_rueDeLaVoieV
erte.jpg)

While in the catacombs I made a delicious bone soup from the watery graves. I travelled far until I reached the exit of the catacombs, which just happened to be an old man's hut in eastern Nepal (http://s8.photobucket.com/albums/a1/walrusman/?action=view&current=mp_central_nepal.jpg).

We sat and talked of Flummox, like two orangutans in the sun, we talked of the Flummox and how we would get things done.

The old man told me the back story of the Flummox:
Long ago, before the first humans there were giant beasts which roamed the Earth. It is said they came from the stars. When the first humans came, they revered these giants as gods.... Some cataclysmic event drove the giant overlords into the sea, where they slumber inside watery shrines. The Flummox is of relation to these creatures, the result of hybrid interbreeding between humans and the giant beasts. It can only be defeated on a certain and time of the month, and until then it has free reign on this earth to do as it wishes

I didn't like what the old man told me, so I stabbed him and left to go make this post.

I fear the Flummox may be killing more people and masquerading as me, and I know that I must act swiftly before my good name becomes tarnished.

Thank you all so much for supporting me during this arduous times.

My quest has taken me across the globe... to here! http://www3.nationalgeographic.com/places/images/photos/photo_lg_russia.jpg

Yes ladles and gentlespoons.... I'm in Soviet Russia, and let me tell you... It is one ****ed up place.

First of all, when I first walked into Soviet Russia... I had to search the police. Then bus drove me to the bar. Bar walked into me... This was very painful but I continued on.

Currently, message is posting me and I'm not really sure what to make of it.

Perhaps, with the laws of time and space being altered here in Soviet Russia, I may have a chance to outwit the evil Flummox.

Wish me luck!

Word of the Day Archive
Friday June 30, 2000

flummox \FLUM-uhks\, transitive verb:
To confuse; to perplex.

The origin of flummox is unknown.

Someone should make this into a movie.

Most amazing story ever.

Bar walked into me
bwahahahahahah

Flummox should be a meme.

This thread needs to be archived, so that others may know of the OP's epic struggle against the vile Flummox

10/10

what the fuck did i just read

Almost as good as 'and then john was a zombie'

>>427442
NIGGA STOLE YOUR BIKE

>>427511
2nded, also...

8/10

winrar

>The truck carried me to Alaska, where I stayed with the native peoples and they (using their cybertronic technologies) built me a new right arm

to teh archive!

winrar

What the fuck did I just read?

Congrats, your request has just triggered the archival process for thread 427441.

the fuck did i just read

10/10

oh my god

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ?

what the fuck

47/10
the fuck did i jsut read?

*in during epic*

>>427441

That wasn't gay... or fake.

fuck the did just I read What

Damn, haven't I seen this before? It seems so familiar.

This has to bet he absolute greatest thing i've ever read.

>>427724
sage for faggot

jesus christ that started off believable, with bad grammar that enhanced the funny, and just got more and more and more epic and just when I thought it would stop, it just kept going. fucking hilarious, and the grammar made it more so. good show dude.

>>427720

Oh wow...good call, newfag.

the fuck did i read wut

well played anon....

How do we know your not the Flummox you fucker?

Yeah I saw the flummox...he was flippin burgers at hungry jacks. I asked him if he was the flummox, but he just looked at me funny. I think he spat in my burger too. I'm going to make a complaint against him tommorrow.

This reads like the ramblings of a retard and i love it, it's pure insanity / genius.

im the flummox in the op

Well played anon, well played.

Fukken screen capped.

I don't know what the fuck this is but i'm laughing.

Hey as goes the 4chan saying, "Pics or it didn't happen"

this is EPIC, simply EPIC.

>>427749
i love it when people cant accept original content and everything is a fucking repost

Posting in an epic thread.

Fucking saved

>>427441

Truly epic, and weird...

Holy shit, this is a goddamn win of Epic Proportions.

Oh man, great story

i endorse this

I'd vote for The Flummox.

wow. just wow.

LOL GAIZ ITS LIEK 8 POSTS LONG AND OMG ITS SO FUNNI N RANDOM LOL! ARCHIVE ARCHIVE!1

>>428761

Someone missing a sense of humor?

>>428761

did you fucking read it? /b/tards should love this

>>428776
you clearly are not a /b/tard.


try posting it in /b/ yourself.

>>428793
you clearly think your a /b/tard but are in fact a new fag.

old /b/tards would love this. I know because I am one and i love it.

what happened in russia? TELL ME!

I endorse this thread.

>>428837
i second this post

I stopped at "The Flummox blew up my car"

Now I'm going to start again.

I lol'd

WTF HAPPENED IN RUSSIA!?!?!?!?

he died gg

Flummox is a pretty cool guy, eh flummoxes people and doesn't afraid of anything

this went from being a decent Stephen king-esk type story.... to poor man's 300... then it just evolved into retarded rambling.
but its good nonetheless. although i will never get back that 10 or 15 min. i spent reading this.

This is like the time I tried to write science fiction whilst drinking vodka shots. Slowly and slowly it got more retarded as I lost all sense of coherence.

FLUMMOX IS WIN, HOWEVER

amazing epic

>>427442

>>the local manhole

I lol'd

Major flaw in that story. It mentions his father died when the boy was 11, but he says that while on his journey, his mom calls him and says his dad has just be flummoxed. Was the dad resurrected or what?

>>429109

who cares?