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The perfect shitstorm.

Brilliant.

>bathroom
>diarrhea
>SHIT EVERYWHERE IN BOWL

whatever

>>79418669

ERRY DAY

I also had the largest poop of my life yesterday. 2.5" wide and 18" long. Toilet got raped.

>>79419101
measuring shit, are you

>pooping
>had chili last night
>it burns
>oh god
>burns
>burns so much
>diarrhea mist spraying out of the bowl
>won't stop
>try to wipe ass
>paper breaks
>fist slips and is jammed up the ass
>jerk it out
>bloody prolapse
>baby is coming
>deliver baby in toilet with diarrhea and prolapse
>too fat to stand up
>baby drowns
>my face
>can't breath without face

>>79419225
Laughed my arse off and I'm not even sarcasm [sic].

>don't take a shit for three days
>hold it all in
>eventually can't take it any longer
>rush to toilet, strain furiously
>strain so hard blood vessels on side of head begin to pop out and nearly burst
>hang on to edge of toilet trying to squeeze out a chocolate log
>let rip with the intensity of a thousand red hot burning suns
>let loose shit plume that propels me through the roof and through the stratosphere all the way into space
>freeze over
>orbit earth as a turd satellite and become its watchful guardian forever

>14
>At girls house
>Take a super huge shit
>It won't flush
>Start to panic
>Reach in break it in half so it is smaller
>Holy fuck what have I done I have shit all over my hands
>Scub hands for like 10 minutes girl calls out because I am taking for ever
>Hands still smell like shit
>Climb out windows never talk to her again

>>79419171

Estimate. +/- 2" on length.

I tried to impress my girlfriend with it but she just called me disgusting. She must have been jealous.

>>79418669
forgot to mention
>it's fucking massive

I remember a while back some guy had a story about only shitting once a week, but they were always stupid huge, he could never flush them, he had to bury them in a bag in the yard at night and put a rock over it so that the neighborhood dogs didn't dig them up...he had a picture to back up the size claims

> mfw this thread

>>79419444
And once again - you people have a talent for writing hilarious shit stories.
Nice trips

>boy scout summer camp inna woods
>dont want to shit in nasty latrine
>hold in shit for a whole week
>take wilderness badge
>have to sleep on a mountain in improvised shelter for a night
>take glorious mountain shit in the light of the rising sun right off a cliff
>it lands in a bed of daisies
>we pass it on the hike down

>mfw this thread

>>79418669
I've had poops like these the last three times I've taken dumps. Feels good man.

'Course, I only have to poop like twice a week, so...

Oh, sorry, but not vidya. Cool poop thread though.

>>79419655

Oh jolly, dubs!

VIDYA GAMES

>>79419667
That one honestly happened. I have no idea what I was thinking and it still makes me feel fucking horrible 6 years later.

>walk home with friends
>have to fart
>durrr, i fart
>a chunklate pops out of my cornhole
>oh god, i put on a very srs face
>run home
>undo pants, realize what I thought was a little turd turned out to be a mr.big
>a loud FLOP sound is heard while i drop my pants
>I start furiously pushing, popping blood vessels
>I'm pushing but nothing happens
> I grip the side of the toilet, start pushing
>I throw up everywhere
>a little turd pops out
>I sit there exhausted and pissed off
>my mom walks in, i blame it on the dog
>I get grounded
>mfw
fuck this

/v/ - Poop Anecdotes

>>79419716
oh god I'm dying

well done anon

>>79419836
Why the FUCK would you get grounded for that?

>>79419836

>>79418669
Floating shit means alot of fat.
Horrible diet, OP is a fat fuck.

>>79419716
>>79419716

>Need a huge reasting brownie at gfs
>Place precautionary papers to stop splash and noise
>Squeeze and squeeze
>Let loose ungodly warm but spicy fart
>Hold breath
>Pass out
>Get found on the floor with pants down, shitty asshole facing door

>have to take a huge shit
>force out the gigantic turd
>check it out
>size of a raisen
>what the fuck?

>>79419716
I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING

>>79419835
This is why i own a screwdriver. Breaks shit up and keeps your hands clean.

>>79419836
Fuck grounding, I'd beat the shit out of you

>post in this thread
>while sitting on the shitter and pushing a sausage out
>while listening to Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 4
This laptop was a good investment after all. Without it I would be bored now.

>>79420149
but there was barely any shit in him in the first place

>taking shit
>very wet and juicy poop slides out my ass
>go to wipe
>rub hand against ass cheek
>gets covered in shit
>wipe it off
>continue wiping, wipe cheeks first
>move back to asshole
>takes whole roll of tp before ass is completely clean
>wash hands thoroughly
>smell them
>still smell shit
>wash again
>shit smell still there
>take a fucking shower
>feels good man

jesus christ i'm laughing so hard i'm in tears

>its floating

If your poop is floating, its a bad thing

>>79419427
I think I almost just passed out from laughing so hard. I'm serious, my brain went all tazery... how dare you orbit earth as a frozen satellite launched by your own turd.. You nearly killed me

>>79420163
Just mount a TV in there and you'd be all set.

>>79420163
Internet superhero

>Gotta poop
>Go to bathroom
>Starts off fine
>Stops suddenly with half a log hanging out my ass
>Wiggle my ass on the toilet
>Log isn't going anywhere
>Break log off with TP
>Wipe ass
>Flush
>Wash hands and leave bathroom
>Fart a little while later
>Shit my pants
>At work during all of this
>Boss won't let me go home
>3 hours of sitting in shit

>Have to take a shit
>Go to bathroom
>Shit
I guess I am a normal person
to some extent

>this thread

>Put on one of my girlfriends thongs backwards
>Wedge it up the crack of my ass and fart violently the rest of the day
>Put it back in her underwear drawer and wait until I know she's wearing them
>Get her in the mood, peel it off slowly
>Munch her carpet while breathing through my nose and masturbating furiously

PLEASE STOP I CAN'T KEEP LAUGHING THIS HARD

>>79420360
But you're no fun at all.

>>79420046

Doesn't it mean a high sugar content?

Sugar eating lardo.

>Can hold self for 4 days without going to the bathroom
>Read thread
>Laugh

>in the woods with my friend waiting for parents to come home
>need a shit badly but the house door is locked
>shit in a bush caveman style
>friend picks it up with a stick and throws it at a duck
>mfw

>>79418669
holy shit is this awesome, yes it is

>>79419716
An excellent post.

(I fucking lol'd)

>dunno how old, pretty young
>in back yard
>have to shit
>wonder what it's like to shit outside
>take an abnormally huge shit right in the open lawn in broad daylight
>behold my giant shit pile
>oh shit, I'm gonna get in trouble when someone finds this, cuz I aint touching it!
>preempt the discovery by running to my mom and telling her to "come look! muffin (our dog) made a human doodoo!"
>she buys it
>muffin is tiny scottie who probably weighed less than the shit

>>79420378

>>79420248
nope. fat floats, the only reason your shit wouldn't float is if your body isn't processing any fat. if you're a vegetarian then sure, it'll sink more of the time. if you eat meat then guess what, i'd be more worried if it isn't floating

>Hold shit in for as long as I can
>Finally go to relieve myself
>Push it out very slowly
>Imagine I'm sitting at a safe vantage point, aiming a sniper rifle at some important guy
>Mfw the feeling of taking a shit enhances the feeling you get when you're spying on someone from absolute safety

>haven't shat in four days
>go to toilet
>PUSH, PUSH, PUSH
>density like in a real black hole in my black hole
>burns like a motherfucker to pop it out because I had chili twice in that time
>concrete turds drops into the toilet
>wipe ass
>turns out the turd ripped my anus somewhere because the toilet paper's covered in bloody spots and stains
>finish wiping in turtle mode, takes fucking forever
>cover my anus with ten layers of toilet paper and hold it in place while pulling my pants back up
>run around with tons of toilet paper on my ass all day because I fear getting blood all over my pants
>first time going to the toilet after that incident
>toilet paper rips wounds open AGAIN
FFFUUUUUCCCKKK

>taking a shit
>piece stuck in my ass
>finger it out through my pussy

>At school
>Need to shit
>Ask teacher if I can shit
>Says no
>Grumble and attempt to hold it in until lunch
>Suddenly my stomach rumbles
>HORRIBLE RUSHING FEELING
>GRIP SIDES OF DESK
>MAKE SUPER SERIOUS FACE
>Kid in front of me turns around and gives me this "wtf" face
>Entire class starts looking at me
>Hold it back
>Calm down and laugh it off
>Teacher asks me if I'm okay
>Lie and say yes
>5 minutes later, suddenly get the rushing feeling again.
>Hold it in more subtly this ti-
>Huge shit sound erupts through the room
>Lunch bell rings
>Entire class is staring at me completely ignoring the bell
>Dash out of classroom towards bathroom
>Realize I have to go through the lunch room to get to it
>Run through the lunch room smelling like shit
>Halfway through my belt fucking BREAKS and my pants fall down
>Shit spills all over me and I slip and fall
>Start shitting
>Can't hold it back
>Get called to the office
>Move and never go to that school ever again

>once had 9 straight glorious no wipers
>pitched perfect game

>shit pants in bathroom before I can take them off
>I'm at work
>quick clean up in bathroom sink; shit stains and bad smell still on pants.
>work entire 8 hour shift (theater projectionist) without running into anyone
>Go home and change, next day at work-
>"Someone shat everywhere in the bathroom, its in the sink and on the floor"
>No one knew it was me.

>>79420590

>>79420745
haha god, what a terrible mental image

>Shit spills all over me and I slip and fall
>Start shitting
>Can't hold it back
>Get called to the office

Oh god, I'm in tears

oh man, are you guys talking about pooping?

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

>having a bro-night at my house
>block the toilet before they even get there
>too much of a pussy to stick my arm in there and dislodge it all (we didn't have a plunger at the time)
>fills up with piss over the night
>eventually I need a shit
>take toilet paper out with me into the garden
>go far up so friends can't see
>squatting down is hurting my legs like a cunt
>sit on a wheelbarrow
>massive shit
>pick up shit with toilet paper
>throw it into neighbours garden

I love those massive shit logs that massage your prostate on the way out.

>>79420739
i feel you bro, nothing worse than a sore ass, especially when you take a shower, it fucking burns!

>Always eat the same shit at Taco Bell
>Dude tells me to try a burrito
>Fuck that
>Dude says he'll pay for it
>I AM SO IN
>Eat it
>Everything seems fine for a few hours
>NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED
>Run to bathroom
>Pull down pants
>Plant ass on toilet like some sort of ass first kamikaze
>Jet fuel begins erupting from my asshole
>It catches fire
>Fly through the roof
>Hear giant explosion
>I hit mach 67
>Shit propels me around the entire world and through the building next door to the one I flew out of
>Land 6 hours later
>Go home
>Turn on the news
>TERORIST ATTACK DESTROYS THE WORLD TRADE CENTER
>Oh shit
>Hope nobody missed DBZ because of this.

>Get drunk
>At friends
>Self-conscious shitter
>Busy next day
>Ends up being 4 days constipated
>Finally feel like I need to shit
>Go take a dump
>It feels like a truck is driving out
>Sweat all over
>Face blood red
>Finish
>Look down into the bowl
>Four skittle sized turds
>MFW

These are some pretty shitty stories, /v/.

>have surgery in hospital
>give me a shitload of painkillers, which have the side effect of constipating you
>I consume an obscene amount of laxatives to try and shit, nothing happens
>finally get discharged
>try to shit the next day, feel my asshole ripping apart
>blood covered shit as wide as my wrist
>feels good man

>>79420800
i almost fucking died reading that, i couldnt breathe through all the laughing, holy shit i felt faint

>>79420937
Those images.

THOSE IMAGES.

This is the first time in months a thread on 4chan has made me laugh that hard, thanks guys!

>have poo
>clean break
>lolz :P

>college dorm
>need to take a shit really badly
>scope the bathroom to see if anyone is in there
>no one is. no one has been in here for an hour.
>sit down to shit
>some faggot comes in the bathroom and to shit as soon as i do
>FUCKING GAMESTOP

>take a massive shit
>wipe once
>nothing

>take tiny shit
>wipe
>wipe
>wipe
>wipe
>wipe

WHY

>Go to the bathroom
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur

HOLY SHIT, THE IGNORANCE, IT BURNS

Your shit is SUPPOSED to float, it means you have a high fibre diet, if it doesn't, it means you don't have a diet with enough fibre in it.

It can also mean there's a lot of gas trapped in it, but realistically, it shouldn't be able to unless you have enough fibre to have it soft and meaty (worst adjective for shit) for it to trap the air in the first place.

>>79420745

I puked in my mouth

>Don't shit for about 2 weeks because I don't feel the need to
>Eventually get a massive urge to shit
>Go to the turlet
>PUSH LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH STAR
>not even a fart
>PUSH SOME MORE
>still nothing
>feel asshole quench in pain as I push as hard as I possibly can
>STILL NOTHING.
>mfw

>>79420992

Constipation is a fucking joke, son.

>>79420967

>that's some funny ass shit.jpg

>>79420800
a humiliation so bad you basically had to enter the witness protection program

respect, bro

>in a queue to get into a club
>need a shit real bad
>can tell it's going to be runny
>hold it in for about an hour while we're in the queue
>finally get inside
>go into first set of toilets
>only 1 cubicle free
>go inside, check for toilet paper
>there's none there, consider holding it in more
>sharp pain in gut
>NOPE
>lock door and shit fucking EVERYWHERE
>go into wallet and use old receipts to wipe my ass, leave one covering my hole so I don't get shit in underwear
>go to dancefloor
>ask the bartender for some tissue cause a friend spilt their drink everywhere
>go into toilets again
>remove receipt, wipe my ass properly
>most satisfying shit ever

Seriously guys. If you don't listen to Tchaikovsky while on the toilet you don't know shit about shit.

>mfw I can't remember the last time I stayed with a thread this long.

>>79421253

>shit
>wipe wipe wipe until nothing is on the paper
>go about life
>take a piss
>out of curiosity, wipe again
>shit all over paper

HOW

>>79420800

LOL

>Leave dorm hall to walk to the superior clean, comfy, and sparkly library bathroom.
>Walk in.
>No one's there.
>Get my stall.
>Get comfy.
>Find just the right song on my ipod to listen to while I shit.
>Get ready to push it out
>ALL OF A SUDDEN THE BATHROOM'S FULL AND I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL EVERYONE LEAVES.

my face.

>asshole itches
>delicious 30 minutes nonstop scratching action
>go take a shit
>INSTANT SURPRISE PAIN SPIKE
>before i can realize i'm screaming like a motherfucker and jumping around the shitroom waving my fingers at my asshole while spreading my buttocks
>realize my parents came running at the door and are staring at me
>my face

>take piss
>wipe my penis

>aang practicing firebending.jpg

>>79421568

>>79421413

In the Hall of the Mountain King is the soundtrack to every epic shit ever taken.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrIYT-MrVaI

>>79421402
Shitfaggot confirmed for Mass Effect 2 DLC.

>>79419225
I cannot believe that I lol'd at this

>see thread about taking a shit
>realize I have to take a shit
>go take a shit

>Read thread
>I have to shit now

I'll keep you guys posted.

>9 years old
>Squishy as fuck turd
>Sticks to ass and thighs
>try to shake it loose
>sticks to the door and wall and looks like a cartoon poo
>leave it for next person
>Start playing vidya

>mfw we had to get a powerflush toilet because I'd shit so hard it would clog the old one every time

>like 9-10 years old
>at theb each with family
>need to shit really badly
>start shitting under a tree by the parking lot in the shade
>"cant believe im doing this"
>hear some loud noise getting closer and closer
>a train passes right behind me

>Take a shit
>First part is huge
>Slides out easily but leaves a slight pain
>Spend the next 4 hours with mild anus hurt

Was made ok by the fact it was big enough to be slightly proud of.

>>79421568
I do that. Takes care of drippage man.

>>79420046
no, it means he has a lot of fibre in his diet. but you wouldn't know the first thing about health would you /v/

Some shit thread you guys have in here

>go on the shitter
>as I open the door spaghetti falls out of my sleeves
>I slip on it and crash down
>I am a bear
>Realizing this I burst into treats
>I open the door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur
>I ran out of home and whistled for a cab
>Bel air
>Thats when the macaroni fell out of my nose
>I start to cry and a blue man suddenly shows up
>Bakalava starts to spill everywhere
>I get smashed into the ground by a two ton erect penis that crashes down from the sky
>But who was phone?

>Generally eat ok
>For some reason I don't go often and usually go 5 days to a week between shits
>shits usually not too tough
>prolapse like a bitch for years
>hurts all the time
>My face when I'm a boyslut but I'm too Asspained to take anal

Fuck my life.

>>79421568
IM NOT ALONE

>take huge shit
>it hurts but at the same time feels really really good
>afterwards, feel so goddamn good
>wish for another shit like that

>Reading thread about funny vidya gameplay on /v/
>someone posted a youtube of someone playing through Fallout 3, with funny editing and voice
>near the end, vault-dweller's dad has soe kind of Parkinson's glitch
>player: STOP SHAKING! STOP SHAAAKING! OH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD
>i poop my pants a bit, very wet
>oh god i haven't done this in years

>have to take a shit
>its all melted and burning my asshole as it pours out
>it fucking burns like the flames of hell scorching me
>still feels sore throughout the day

>5 years old
>Watching Captain Planet in my undies
>Really need to shit
>Hold it to finish episode
>Can't
>Fart loudly as I run to the bathroom
>Remove underwear in transit
>Make it in time
>Come back
>See a small brown circle on floor
>Think its a fruit snack
>It wasn't

>>79421568
always, this is why i hate using urinals.
i never got the whole let piss drip into your boxers lark

>gotta crap so bad
>craping
>few minutes go by, still crapping
>goddamn
>feels kind of off
>stand up
>shit piled up to where it's touching my ass in just a big pile
It wasn't even like a curled dog turd thing or just standing up, it literally filled the bowl with semi-solid shit. My toilet is very low water to boot.

>>79421723

>He didn't swim really far into the water and shit there!

>>79421700
>return triumphantly
> a little smelly, but not too bad.
>go about my way.

hi /v/

>go to the toiler
>haven't shit for a week
>hadn't eaten anything with any fibers in it
>sit down
>PUSH LIKE I'M GIVING BIRTH TO A BABY THROUGH MY ANUS
>nothing
>PUSH, PUUUUSSSSHHH
>feel like I'm shitting a fucking diamond
>shit
>see a turd the size of a niggers fully erect dick
>open the bathroom door
>everyone is looking at me
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur
>my face after I took the shit

>taking a shit at my girlfriends
>piss first
>urine shoots out the rim of the toilet onto her bathroom mat
>it's white and the piss is clearly visible
>FUCK FUCK FUCK
>shit
>it's as black as pitch and has the consistency of hard toffee
>reeks like a mother fucker
>bathroom fucking STINKS and there's piss on her mat
>luckily she has some odour eradicator shit
>spray it on mat, smell goes and its hardly noticeable
>spray around the bathroom, inside the toilet, open a window
>leave the bathroom
>girlfriend goes in to brush her teeth
>her face when she walks in

>>79421791

Well, I'm done.

I actually laughed at this.

Time to get the Ruger out.

Too serious for green text. I was constipated and just took the biggest shit of my life. It was like giving birth. It came out like a fist. I'm amazed my ass could take it. I notified campus living services. I can't handle it alone.

You know when you got diarrhea, but it doesn't hurt when its coming out... it soooo satisfying.

>>79421906

>>79422008
fucking european toilets mang, they have the bowl raised to just about under your arse cheek, WHERE IS THE SHIT MEANT TO GO

>Decides to take a shit
>Goes bathroom
>Takes his pants and underwear off
>Half naked below
>Sits down on toilet
>Shitting
>Thinks about a lot of things in life while taking a shit
>Done takint a shit
>Fills a pail of warm water
>Wets and soap right hand
>Pail of warm water held on left hand
>Soapy wet hand on right
>Washes the shit out of my ass thoroughly
>Warm cleaned ass
>Flushes toilet
>washes hands
>Puts underwear and pants back on
>success

>>79422211
>youaremyfavoriteperson.jpg

>>79421568
>>79421608

Seriously. This is something men should do more of.

Pissy dicks. Fucking gross.

>sick
>Don't shit in nearly a week
>wake up one morning
>colon is feeling pretty heavy
>it is time
>stride purposefully into the bathroom
>sit down
>start heaving
>shit doesn't budge
>struggle for half an hour
>hot as fuck with the exertion
>sweaty ass is sliding around the seat
>getting difficult to stay in one spot
>strip naked
>grab sink with both hands
>deep breath
>ffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCK
>asshole is ripped apart by huge dried-out plug of shit, which impacts the water like a freight train
>plug is followed by a two-foot brown-green snake of shit that coils up and fills the bowl
>ass covered in diaherea, pisswater, and blood
>collapse exhausted on the floor anyway

That shit was glorious, I felt like I'd summoned a planet

> D --> Go to take a shit
> D --> It effortlessly slides out
> D --> Look into toilet bowl
> D --> So big it is partially out of the water

>taking dump
>get naked

i know i'm not the only one!
also pic related aswell

>>79422211
bahahaha

>really have to shit
>sit on toilet
>start making those hard round goat shits
>instantly note it as being the sign of the imminence of a Giant Compacto Shit™
>get worried
>it crowns
>get it maybe an inch out before i start stomping and breathing hard
>really starts to hurt. bad.
>Figure "all or nothing..!!" and take off my shirt while stomping
>Give it a rip
>it start painfully moving out of my anus, feeling as if it is going to rip it
>"ohmygodohmygodohmygod how long is this thing?!"
>run out of breath and cant force it any more
>hurts like hell and is only half way out, much too far to suck it back in
>trying to "cut" it will surely kill me from pain
>start crying and consider calling 911
>desperation causes me to reach into the bowl and grab the turd
>feels like a coke can
>rip it out of my ass
>fall asleep
>wake up an hour later and shoot the turd with my shotgun

>>79420967
>NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED
>hit mach 67
this is fucking hilarious.

>>79422312
>sucks that thing where urine comes out
>HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IT TASTES LIKE URINE
niggayoujustwentfullretard.jpg

this fucking thread

Kinda funny that the oldest thread I remember is a shit thread from /v/ in 2007. Never change

>people not taking a shit for 5+ days at a time

What the fuck you faggots, get that fixed. You're going to get fucking colon cancer if you don't stay regular.

>walking home after a night of heavy drinking
>suddenly need to shit really really bad
>desperately roam the streets in search of a park or a bar where I can shit
>they're all closed or too crowded
>it's hurting as fuck now so I find the darkest spot in the quietest street
>take a massive, runny shit that completely ruins someone doorstep
>try to wipe it with two $20s, leave them
>walk home avoiding every living being, staying in alleys and shadows, waiting for couples to pass by, like some poop ninja
>3 blocks from home I need to take a massive shit again
>Go through the same ritual, don't bother wiping anymore, half of it gets in my pants
>Finally get home with my pants full of shit and SHAME

>Walking home with a friend and need to fart
>Try to fart but can definitely feel shit about to come out
>Two bus journeys away from my house
>Tell myself I can make it
>Sharp stomach pains on the second bus
>Get off at my stop
>So close to house
>Can feel it slipping
>Start running in a blind panic
>Every step for the next 10 steps is the wettest fart ever felt
>Stagger along, eventually reach my house
>Hop up the stairs
>Pull down pants
>Underwear completely clean. No smell, no stains.

WTF happened

>Be female
>Superior digestive system
>Never need to poop
>One day walk into boyfriend pooping, he gets embarrassed but I want to watch so I can see what pooping looks like

Do you guys really have giant brown things coming out of your anus every day?

Pic related ,me

>>79422492

Enjoy your pee-soaked underwear.

>>79422395
feels good man.

>15
>Have to take massive shit
>rush to the bathroom, mess in my pants a bit
>take massive shit
>accidentally leave shitty pants in dishwasher
>mom cleans dishes
>dishes smell like my shit for a week
Felt bad man

>>79422624

brown poop? nah, green. brown poop means you are unhealthy.

>>79422312
This is why I started doing it. I felt guilty getting a blowjob right after taking a piss and knowing there was still some piss left in there. Sort of became a habit after that.

>>79422624
Oh, Celia Celia Celia shits!

(Swift? Anyone?)

>take really nasty shit
>ass feels really dirty
>decide to wipe with damp tissue
>tissue disintegrates as I wipe
>ass hairs immediately get matted with hundreds of tiny dried-in flecks of tissue
>spend 5 minutes ripping out clumps of ass hair

>have huge sloppy wet shit, its basically a sloppy joes
>have laptop with me so browse /v/ at the same time
>finally finish but too scared to wipe ass beause the shit was that wet
>30 minutes pass, laptop battery about to die, man up and begin to wipe
>toilet paper tore and now have shit all over my hand
>wait another 30 minutes hoping my ass will dry making it easier
i hate wet shits!

>>79422624

uHH, i DONT KNOW, iM PRETTY SURE, gIRLS, uMM, pOOP, tOO, aRE YOU SURE, yOURE NOT JUST, kIND OF, wEIRD,

Oh god, i don't even care if this isn't vidya, i can't ignore a good poop story

>femanon
>in shower
>have to pee
>don't want to go out to toilet
>pee standing up in shower
>feels good man
>realize men are much better off when it comes to excretory system

I feel it kicking in after eating all that chili, I'll report back.

>Play Gameboy while shitting as a kid
>Sometimes don't come out of the bathroom for an hour
>Parents ask me if I'm alright
>Always hide gameboy on the way in or out
>Realize years later they thought I was jacking off

>mfw getting fucked in the ass reproduces that glorious feeling of taking a shit but without the shit

Glorious gay master race

>>79422646
yeah...no.

faggot

>go to cyprus for holiday
>plane descends too fast and I get a massive, sharp pain in my forehead, vain is really visible and feels like it's going to burst
>3 hours later
>need to take a shit
>tell my mother i'll be right back
>go back to room
>sit down, begin to push
>PAIN IN HEAD IS BACK AGAIN
>really need to shit
>pain is so intense my eyes water
>REALLY need to shit
>squeeze pretty hard
>pain so bad I'm literally crying
>sweaty ass sliding about
>toilet seat snaps off
>i'm sitting there in tears, on the floor on a ripped off toilet seat
>mother comes into room, i'd been about 45 minutes and she was worried
>have to explain to her what has happened
>room service have to come and fix the toilet

>>79422624
>walk in on sister pooping as a kid
>she laughs and wants me to look at it in the toilet
>She's now 20
>EXCUSE ME? LADIES DON'T DO THAT

Women are so full of shit.

>Have ass hair
>Shit
>Shit clumps after
>Next day shit and tear out all the hairy shit clumps with my new shit
>Repeat cycle every few months

>Normal poop
>Bit of poop under the lip of the bowl where the water can't reach it.
>mfw

>Take my pre workout SuperPump
>40 minutes before workout
>Massive shit in cloudy piss water
>So large it breaks the surface of the water
>When I flush, it doesn't move
>Reveals a massive chunk of shit too big to be flushed
>I dub it the iceberg dump

SuperPump more like superDUMP

I tend to limit my shits to once per day and shit in a squatting position, allowing easier release, to raise the change of getting a good clean no-wiper.

>>79422889

>She wants to fuck

>week long class trip
>I can't shit when I'm not in a familiar surrounding
>only shat once on that time
>about to depart and head back to home
>clothes already packed and stuffed into the bus
>suddenly have to shit urgently
>run back to my and my friend's room
>cleaning lady was already in so the toilet paper's missing
>take a massive shit anyway
>nothing to wipe my ass with
>take off t-shirt and rip it apart to pieces
>wipe my ass with the t-shirt's tatters
>return to bus without my t-shirt, ergo half naked
>three school classes including my own stare at me
>put my manliest face on
>no one dares to ask what happened

>Have diarrhea
>Spew shit everywhere
>Toilet bowl is covered in poop spew
>Go in to wipe
>Shit COVERS the toilet paper
>Get a little bit on my fingers
>Smell
>Smells god awful
>Smell again
>Keep smelling
>Begin to lick a little bit
>Tastes kind of good
>Wipe with hand and lick diarrhea off my hand
>Lick toilet bowl
>Do the same thing every time I have diarrhea now
God I hate my life.... This is why I've never talked to a girl in my whole life

>University
>Never gone to shit in there before
>try the normal student bathrooms after noon
>start shitting SOMEONE FUCKING ENTERS
>try not to make noises pretending there's no one, or couch and move the belt to say like "GOD FUCKING DAMN I'M SHITTING GO AWAY"
>He takes out stuff from a plastic noisy bag
>HE FUCKING START BRUSHING HIS TEETHS
>I FUCKING NEED TO SHIT THE LAST PART

my face when i've never used those toilets, and tried the most big luxurious, far from everyone ones

>used to watch dbz
>test out my powerlevel while im shitting
>kept on going till I got a hemmeroid

feels bad man

>>79423077
cough*
used those toilets again*
sent mahming

>Have a bunch of soft stools for months
>Take some new vitamins
>Suddenly my stools are hard
>Asshole rips due to inexperience in passing such ginormous turds.

Despite the moment of "oh fuck" due to blood in the bowl, that was a satisfying shit.

>>79423147
I lol'd

I sat on the toilet after i got dressed and took a half diarrhea, half solid release. The solid part was so thick and wide that i honestly felt some of the worst pains of my life during the pushing. I started pulling up my pants right as the last bit fell out, tightened my belt and flushed the toilet... See i never believed in wiping before, thought it was a waste of time and what not, ... I mean I never get anything from wiping anyway so wtf is the point... right?

holy god was i wrong... i got to school and felt solid clumps deep between my cheeks, i figured my boxers were bunched up or summat. Right as i made it to my first period door i thought i felt something wet against my boxers... when i sat down my hypothesis was correct.. i had feces on them, and could start to smell them slightly. The damned room must have been 90 degrees, heat blowing because a computer malfunctioned, my ass and back started to sweat profusely and i had to make as little movement as possible to avoid disrupting it anymore. My teacher called me up to get a test paper, I thought about telling him to just throw it away, but of course i had to be an idiot and go up to get it, i walked by one kid and he said "dude you smell like bbq or something" My face got so red and everyone started saying "holy shit, you smell bad man, did you shower???"

I ignore them and get back to my desk... i take a look back at the board and notice a black dot on the ground, kids started questioning what it was and my heart started RACING. One kid sniffed it and exclaimed "OH MY GOD, ITS POOP!!!!" at this point the class was laughing excessively, i put my head down on my desk and smelled FUMES coming out from below it, i looked down and there was SHIT smeared all over the tile floor and on the bottoms of my jeans.

>>79422935
I thought i was the only one who does this.

Even worse with explosive diarrhea.

>new girlfriend staying over first night
>middle of the night need to poop
>turns out to be diarrhea
>loud sploshing and splashing noises for 10 miniutes
>grunting & breathing
>girlfriend knocks on and asks if everything is ok
>after im finished, she uses toilet.
>"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU STEVEN?!"
>mfw i knew she was going in the toilet.

>at a house party
>completely smashed and need to shit
>sitting on toilet shitting
>start to throw up
>pass out
>wake up in bathtub with someone spraying me with water
>puke and shit everywhere
>forced to clean it up
>mfw

>take a huge dump
>stand up, look back
>poop flushed itself when it dropped

>>79423051

Dude, you were completely normal up until you tasted it.

Your own shit always smells good to you, its a fact of a nature. The tasting part is a bit weird because why would you want to eat something you already ate?

>Sit down to shit
>Am in no hurry to shit
>Do pre-flight check
>Toilet paper, check
>Fan on, check
>Door locked, check
>Proper reading material, check
>Ignition
>Begin shitting
>Leg is numb
>HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM
>Shit takes forever
>Try to stand up
>Can't feel leg
>Take off pants and look at leg
>It's purple
>Go to the doctor
>They have to amputate it
>Get experimental bionic leg
>It's powered by shitting and has a minifridge

>eating food
>have to take a shit
>go to bathroom and shit a giant yule log in the toilet
>turn around and look inside the bowl
>the shit is video games
>post about it on /v/
>it's a vidya thread on /v/
>sage everywhere
>404
>mfw

>>79423345

WHAT

>>79423289
ah man, shit like this is typical
>one of the first few nights staying at my girlfriends house
>wait till the dead of night to take a shit so noone hears
>hear footsteps coming downstairs just as the motherload is about to drop
>person walks by the door
>sploosh

my fucking face when

>>79423051

>Can't wear a shirt or have pants around ankles while shitting.
>Always shit completely naked except for socks.
>mfw I finally shit with no socks on.

>>79423051
even if you made this up, it still baffles me people can even think of shit like this

>>79422800
this is a long-shot but... jimpy, IS THAT YOU!?
>mf right now

>>79423345
it's called a ghost shit

>>79423289

I have no idea how I do it either. Even if I don't fart, which I think is the main cause of it most of the time, it'll still occasionally get up there.

>at the university library
>have to poop
>go to bathroom
>some guy in one of the stalls shamelessly grunting and farting as loud as possible

NOPE

>pooping
>wipe
>paper crystal clean
>fuck yea
>puts on pants
>feel something weird
>take off pants
>check it
>notice its dirty with shit
>mfw

>>79423415
I know you're basically whinging but I lol'd

>best thread on /v/
>about shitting
>/v/ has no gaems

>have incredibly stressful week due to impossible mountain of college work
>had about 10 hours sleep overall
>stomach starts bubbling
>sit down to shit
>instead of shit, a powerful stream of clear fluid sprays out of my ass
>seriously feels like I'm pissing out my ass
>wonder if this is what a period feels like
>try to wipe
>the stuff is a viscous oily slime that just gets pushed around my asscheeks
>raise tissue to sniff
>unholy smell of corruption nearly makes me retch
>stinks like fish, assfish
>looks like jizz
>try to clean up as much of the jizzcrap as possible
>still feel it leaking out and soaking my underwear hours later

I read up on it and it turned out it is intestinal mucus that goes into overdrive when you're sick or stressed,

>>79422800
You really should stop shitting and fix your fucking caps lock

>try to poop
>surprise it's nothing
>stand up and put pants back on
>gurgle gurlgle gurgle

>>79423768
>>79423768
>>79423768
>unholy smell of corruption

Holy fuck I just about died.

>in public bathroom taking a dump while listening to ipod
>tapping my foot to the sounds of the beat
>man in trenchcoat opens my stall
>reveals he is naked under his coat and offers to suck my dick
>mentions that foot tapping is the universal sign for anonymous gay sex
>he sucks my dick while i finish shitting
>everything went better than expected

>at work
>go for piss
>someone taking a dump grunting and moaning
>this happens every day

still trying to figure out who the workplace phantom shitter is.

>>79423768

Either that or you were eating something that was cooked in olean.

Like fat free pringles.

>sit down to poop
>poop
>wipe
>flush

/v/, the best spot to chill and share poop stories.

>at uni
>taking a poop at the farthest stall
>guy sits down
>starts making grunting noises and loud farting noises
>i laugh, "teehee"
>he says "YOU THINK THATS FUCKING FUNNY?"
>he flushes, gets up, i hear him coming towards my toilet
>he begins trying to break my stall door open
>angle my ass towards the door
>he finally breaks it, i shit all over his forehead
>wipe my ass with his nose
>mfw

>>79423775
uHH, sORRY, nO, iT'S mENTAL,

>>79423584
wHAT ARE YOU, tALKING ABOUT,

>>79423890
It's me, hi

>>79423768

>>79423978

stop it tavros

>>79423768
omg bro, one time i farted and that happened, i thought had shat myself, i have never felt fear like it...that is until i checked and sniffed it, it looked and smelled like cum, i was worried someone had raped me in my sleep.

>>79423971
lol

>>79423978
10 year old ICP fan detected

>havin hard time takin shit
>start to think about god damn hot girl next door
>brutal fuckin her pussy in my mind
>fap fap fap
>shit get stucked in
>fap fap fap
>fap
>fap fap
>cum like hell
>shit finally drowns in the water
>....
>profit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q4NBaeQQys&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q4NBaeQQys&feature=related

>>79424064
do you normally live with the threat of nightly ass rape? if so, I suggest you find a better living situation.

I have never had a shit that's floated..

What the fuck is wrong with you people.

>About 5 or 6 years old
>Go pee in the middle of the night
>Pull my pants all the way down to pee
>Look down to pull my pants up
>Realize I also pooped
>I panic
>I get scared that I'll get in trouble
>Waddle around the house with my pants around my ankles with poop in them looking for a place to hide the poop
>Can't find anywhere
>Waddle outside, pants still around my ankles
>Walk a few blocks till I find a house with a dog
>Pick up poop and place it in that yard
>Pull up pants
>Poopy tracks in my undies still
>Feels weird against my butt
>Put pants back down around my ankles
>Waddle home
>Parents never found out
>mfw

>>79424196
no, i live with my mother, thats what worried me!

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT

>dancing class
>need to take a shit
>7 guys and 10 girls in class
>everyone finds a dacning partner except me
>have to choose beween the last 3 girl
>2 girls team up with eachother instead (fucking whore)
>teacher tells me to dance with the last girl
>she starts crying and runs away
>feel so awkard I shit my pants
>doesnt take long before everyone start noticing the shit smell
>teacher tells everyone to continue dancing while he goes and get the janitor
>I locks the door behind him
>guy comes up to me with his girl
>''you jelly?' while he grabs her ass
>get so mad I take the half melted shit out of my pants and thow it in his face
>everything suddenly stops
>one girl starts screaming, then every else starts screaming
>2 girls get knocked down and trampled by panic masses
>4 guys are trying to break through the locked door with a class table. 1 guy jumps out the 2nd floor window
>the guy with shit in his face are screaming on his knees while vomit spewing though his mouth and nose
>his partner is in chock and just stands there
>the shit odor mixed with the vomit cuz everyone start puking uncontrolled
>they finally managed to break through the door
>everyone ran out to freedom
>I was the onlt one left when teacher came back
>explained thats happened
>he got upset and told me to go home and change my pants
>go to /v/ see this thread
>still havent change my pants yet

>at friends house
>first shit in 4 days
>cant hold back
>have to do the "shit will explode out of my rectum if i loosen my cheeks" walk
>have a massive satisfying shit
>flush
>OH GOD ITS NOT GOING DOWN
>flush again in vain
>shitty water flood all over his bathroom
>sit for a few minutes burning with the most intense shame imaginable
>have to walk out and ask my host to come here
>he replies "what did you break"
>i respond "the toilet"
>he chuckles but stops when he realizes im serious
>tell him il clean (the fuck else am i supposed to do)
>out of towels and cleaning supplies
>have to go out to a corner store at 11:30 pm to get paper towels and cleaner
>finally get it cleaned an hour later
>drive home to have a shower and change clothes
>go back to pick up my comp, but bros tell me to boot LoL back up
>we proceed to play until 10am without loosing a game

that night was fucking weird

>>79423488

Oh lordy, I lol'd heartily.

Greatest sound effect ever.

>At Laguardia Airport
>Have to shit after flight
>Sit down and read interesting and racist grafitti
>someone sits one stall over from me
>he begins his title fight shit
>from the grunts, groans, and farts coming from him it sounded like the shit was winning
>could barely shit myself from trying to contain laughter
>finally finish, wipe and leave
>that anonymous shitter was going into the 10th round

You could hear him grunting out in the hallway too.

If you willingly go more than 2 days without taking a dump, there is something wrong in your intestinal tracts, and you should considering dealing with that before you get older.

To all you 15 year olds, if you are going 3 and 4 days without shitting, while you are YOUNG, you need to look into not being so unhealthy at that age. It's going to get worse as you grow older.

this is a real story
>in vacations with friends
>Ate fish that night
>went to party after that
>suddenly start feeling i have to poo
>go to men's bathroom, its full
>go desesperately to woman's bathroom, result its full of girls and i leave
>go again to men's bathroom and tell the guy inside to please hurry
>he says hold on a second
>poo in my pants
>later i can finally enter to bathroom and
NO FUCKING PAPER!
>i clean everything with my boxer
>boxer is now useless so i throw it to the trash
>pants still full of shit
>friends call me to go to the beach with em
>i tell em to give me dormitory key, that i need something


what can i say... wrost day of my life
will continue

>>79420800
THIS POST
GODDAMN
THIS FUCKING POST
THIS IS WHY THIS THREAD NEEDS TO BE ARCHIVED

SOMEONE ARCHIVE THIS THREAD FOR GREAT JUSTICE

>>79424143
SHITTER'S FULL!

>At outdoor country concert
>Suddenly stomach feels expanded and all that country fried food wants to come out
>Legs start going numb from sitting on them
>Arms too, because I'm so fat
>Go into portapotty and start letting out some gas to warm things up
>Legs go totally numb, arms barely work, trying to send signals to legs
>Suddenly they spasm a bit and I burst out the door as I'm pooping
>collapse down again, people gather around
>Pooping myself and wiggling my limbs like a parkensons victim
>Start crying
>I can only bring myself to begin to crabwalk away
>Try and call out for help but in my choked throat can only let out weeping moans that sound like a crying cow
>Start crabwalking back to my camp area, crying, shaking and shitting violently and mooing as everyone watches
>Spend a year indoors after that

>Walking home from work
>My friend is tagging along
>Walking up a steep hill
> My friend says push it
>Realize i am holding my shit
>Shit my pants and walk home
>My friend tells my mom i shit my pants
>My nickname is puddingpants forever

>>79424099

ThAt PiCtUrE iS fUcKinG bLaSpHeMy

>home sick
>nausea and severe headache
>get strong urge to poop
>sit on toilet, can't actually poop, the strain from trying to relieve myself is making my headache worse
>feeling like I'm going to puke now from the exertion
>still feel like I need to have a massive shit
>PUKE OR POOP, WAT DO

>at friends house for the weekend
>haven't had a shit in a couple of days
>go take a big shit
>friend goes to the bathroom later
>"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH GOING DAYS WITHOUT SHITTING AND THEN DOING IT IN MY BATHROOM AND MAKING IT SMELL TERRIBLE"
>my face

>>79424463
>run to dormitory with key before they can smell me
>take a shower to try to clean all my legs full of shit
>try to clean pants
>they still smell like shit
>takes me like 30min to make them stop smelling like shit
>hide pants inside my bag
>friends come to the place
>they think i was masturbating
>i cannot say anything or reveal what happened
>feels completely like shit

worst day ever seriously

a took a shit once, it was a fucking coil, continous coil that is

it wouldnt flush, i had to get the plunger to mash it up

you fucking idiots should probably know that you can't archive a non-vidya thread for /v/

>Bible Camp (I'm the only atheist kid there)
>Sleeping in sleeping bag
>Poop myself
>Think it was a dream and go back to sleep
>Rolling around in poop all night
>Wake up with poop crusted all over my thighs and ass
>Girl sees it
>Offers to pick it off and eat it for me
>She wants to fuck

>>79422430
we've all been there, man.

Reading this while listening to Mozart's Marriage of Figaro only makes it more hilarious.

>>79424927
>bring DS into bathroom with me almost every time
>spend my time playing Tetris while I shit
>The thread is now vidya related

Happy, faggot?

>have never had to shit after a night of drinking before
>try dos equis after seeing those most interesting man in the world ads
>walking home that night drunk
>suddenly the most intense need to shit Ive ever felt in my life comes on
>crouch behind someones bushes, shitting in their front yard
>suddenly the guy lets his dog out, realize i'm shitting right at a gate into their back yard
>dog runs over and stares at me
>crouch walk while shitting around the bush to the next house over
>someone pulls in the fucking driveway
>stand up, jump over the bushes of their yard
>a turd bit flies out of my pants and hits the back of my head as I land
>it feels disgusting
>lay on the ground hoping to god this isnt happening
>shit while laying there
>ditch my clothes completely
>sneaking home naked, hiding behind trees when cars pass
>get home, no cars in driveway, seems safe to enter, everyone must be out
>walk in the front door
>hear "WHAT THE FUCK!?"
>i'm facing outside as I close the door
>afraid to even turn around, suddenly the feel of shit sliding from the back of my head all down my back hits me
>I run upstairs into the shower
>clean myself off for 2 hours
>wake up the next morning
>the guy who was in my house was actually a fucking burglar who picked an empty house to steal from
>me coming home naked and shit covered disgusted him so much he dropped everything and left