ads

nice.

THIS THREAD WAS MADE ON A WINNING DAY?
WHY? CAUSE ITS GOT MUHFUCKIN HEMMINGWAY!

ILL TAKE A MINUTE FROM BEING BUSY AS A BADASS
TO SCHOOL YA SO SIT DOWN AND ILL TAKE TO CLASS

I SPEND MY DAYS KILLING ALLIGATORS WITH MY HANDS
WHY? BECAUSE IM A MOTHERFUCKING MAN

ALL YOU PUSSY BITCHES ON 4CHAN HIDING FROM THE SUN
WHILE IM BUSY SHOOTING RHINOS AND WINNING WORLD WAR ONE

YOU ALL JUST BETA FAGGOT LITTLE PIECES OF SHIT
WHILE I IN MY SPARE TIME REDEFINE MODERN LIT

oh shit nigga
You planned this didn't you.

EXCUSE ME BUT THIS THREAD JUST GOT FUCKIN SICK?
WHAT'S MY NAME? FUCKING PHILLIP K DICK!

MY RHYMES ARE SO DOPED UP ON SOLIPSISM AND LSD
TO EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND MY BOOKS YOU BETTER BE TRIPPING ON E

WHAT IS REALITY? FUCK MAN I DONT EVEN KNOW
IT MIGHT THIS BIG ILLUSION OR A BOMB ABOUT TO BLOW

AM I REAL? ARE YOU? HOW CAN I FUCKING TELL?
JESUS CHIRST WHATS GOING ON IN THIS EXISTENTIAL HELL

WHAT IF GOD IS THE UNIVERSE OR IF WE'RE ALL SIMULATIONS?
WHAT IF NOTHING IS REAL OR IM JUST SOME SPECTRAL MENSTRUATION?

ARE YOU GOD? IS ANYTHING? IS HE REAL AM I?
AH HELL. BETTER TAKE SOME DRUGS AND WRITE SOME SCI-FI.

this is good in itself, keep posting. don't screenshot to some social link sharing website.

>>1994758
nerd

ALLEN GINSBERG MOTHERFUCKERS, UP IN THIS THREAD
READING MY POETRY IS LIKING GETTING FUCKED IN THE HEAD


IM GAY AND I WRITE IN FREE VERSE, AH SHIT MAN.
IM LIKE THE MODERN WALT FUCKING WHITMAN

I WRITE ABOUT POLITICS AND GAY SEX AND ZEN
AND I JUST TOOK LIKE TWENTY HITS OF MESCALIN

I WAS FRIENDS WITH KEROUAC AND BURROGHS AND THEM
OH GOD THE MESCALIN IS STARTING TO KICK IN

THATS COOL IM JUST GONNA KEEP RAPPING ON THROUGH
LIKE A SNAKE THROUGH A DREAMHOLE

IN EXISTENCE, WITH EYES OF SLEEP
TO EAT ITS OWN TAIL

TO PROVE ITS EXISTENCE TO A GENERATION
OF DRUGGIE ANGELS
WITH MOUTHS LIKE HOLLOW HOLES
SCREAMING DAMNANTION
SCREAMING SALVATION
SCREAMING GENERATION

THROUGH A DREAMHOLE
AS A SNAKE

FRANZ KAFKA STOPPING BY. ILL JUST HANG IN THE CORNER. DONT MIND ME.
I HEARD THERE WAS A THREAD OF WRITERS, AND I WANTED TO SEE.

I WRITE SOMETIMES BUT IM REALLY NOT VERY GOOD.
IM TERRIBLE. I SUCK. I SHOULD STOP WRITING. I SHOULD.

I FEEL LIKE A BUG, YOU KNOW, IN AN UNCARING WORLD.
WITH AN UGLY NAKED BODY, THIN MUSCLES, AND NAILS CURLED.

IN SOME BEAURCRATIC NIGHTMARE, WITH NO LOVER, FEW FRIENDS.
SO I TRY WRITING, BUT ITS ALL SO WEIRD. NO ONE WILL LIKE IT IN THE END.

IM A FAILURE. A TERRIBLE AUTHOR. I CANT LET ANYONE READ THIS, OH GOD.
I HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE. I KNOW! ILL CALL UP MAX BROD.

no lines about NAMBLA in the ginsberg verse?

oh well, please do continue. This thread is full of mild amusement.

SUP MOTHERFUCKERS ITS FUCKING SHAKESPEARE
MY NAME MAKE HIGHSCHOOLERS QUAKE IN FEAR

TO BE OR NOT TO BE - WHO GIVES TWO HALVES OF A FUCK?
IM THE FUCKING BARD, IM BUSY GETTING MY DICK SUCKED

YOU WROTE A BOOK? IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?
THATS CUTE. I MADE UP HALF THE ENGLISH THE LANGUAGE OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

YOU AINT NO INFULENTIAL AUTHOR. LISTEN HERE:
WHEREFORE ART THOU SUCH A FUCKING QUEER?

AHOY COMRADES! JUST DROPPING IN TO REMIND YOU ALL THAT
CAPITALISM IS DAMN BAD AND, HELL, THE ONLY PEOPLE WORTH A DAMN ARE COMMUNISTS.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE ANY OF MY TERRIFIC WORKS YOU'RE PROBABLY
A FAT CAT CAPITALIST WHO NEVER LEAVES THE AIR CONDITIONED NIGHTMARE THAT IS YOUR VEHICLES AND HOUSES.

MARINE BIOLOGY IS HOT, BUT CARING ABOUT YOUR FELLOW MAN IS HOTTER.
BE HOT, LIKE ME, AMERICA. WE CAN BE HOT TOGETHER. HOT LIKE OLD MEN SUCKING ON THE LACTATING TITTIES OF A YOUNG MOTHER.

DAMN HOT!

>>1994766

this is an example.

You got a Lovecraft rap?

HEY GUYS ITS ME DEEP&EDGY
LOL IM SO DEEP AND EDGY

CHECK OUT MY GUIDE TO PHILOSOPHY
YOU MAD? LOL LOOK AT ME!

OH WAIT I CAN FINISH THIS RAP GUYS SORRY
MY BOYFRIENDS OVER AND HE GHAHAHHHHABBBRRLLG

Derp+Faggy isn't that cut. He is that gay, though.

>>1994781
High schooler
>>1994783
Dimwitted libertarian

SCHOOL OF RESENTMENT CRITICS HAVE JUST MET THEIR DOOM
IM MOTHERFUCKING PROFESSOR HAROLD BLOOM

OFF TO THE DUSTBIN WITH FRENCH NIETZSCHE
OH YOU BETTER BELIEVE IM GONNA TEACH YA

OFF TO THE DUSTBIN WITH FRENCH FREUD
IS THERE A BIGGER INTELLECTUAL VOID?

THE JAHWIST WAS A GIRL
POST-STRUCTURALISM MAKES ME HURL

YOU THINK SOCIAL CONTEXT MATTERS?
MY AESTHETIC CRITICISM GONNA LEAVE YOU IN SHATTERS

FUCK STEPHEN KING
DAMN RIGHT THAT STINGS

FUCK INFINITE JEST
WALLACE FAILED THE TEST

FUCK HARRY POTTER
YOU SHOULDNT EVEN BOTHER

SHAKESPEARE'S INFLUENCE GONNA MAKE YOU JELLY
YOUR WEAK MISREADINGS ARE SMELLY

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS TAKE YOUR HANDS OF YOUR SHAFTS
CAUSE NOW ITS FUCKING PARTY WITH H. P. LOVECRAFT!

IM A FUCKING AWESOME AUTHOR WHO WRITES LIKE A BOSS
YOU OPEN MY BOOKS START READING A JUST GET LOST?

WHOS THE MASTER OF HORROR? EDGAR ALLEN POE?
MAN BITCHES AINT SHIT. THAT FUCKERS MY HOE

HES GOT A RAVEN IVE GOTTEN MOTHERFUCKING CTHULHU
POE SAYS NEVERMORE, BUT MY CREATURES WILL FUCKING KILL YOU

IF SAW THEM YOU'D JUST START SCREAMING AND NEVER FUCKING STOP
YOUD TAKE AN AXE TO YOU HEAD AND JUST START TO CHOP

THEYRE FUCKING SCARY AS FUCK - WAIT. WHATD YOU SAY?
WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE? UH... AYE....

THEY'RE INDESCRIBLY TERRIBLE, MAN. I DONT WHERE TO START.
LIKE, ONE PART SCARY. AND AWFUL IS THE OTHER PART.

THEY'RE LIKE TERRIBLY UNSPEAKABLY AWFUL AND SCARY.
YOU KNOW WHAT? ITS BAD, OKAY? JUST FUCKING TRUST ME.

Screencap this, is fucking glorius.

Somebody do Jack Vance

best thread i've seen on /lit/ in a while, more terrible rap please

YO BITCHES AIN'T SHIT
BUT I CAN SHIT
GOT TWO TONNE TROUSERS FULL OF CROTCH NITS
I GET FIRED
I DON'T QUIT

I am in Barcelona and I don't want to leave without a new book, in spanish. Can you tell me some good spanish books? is ther any well known bookstore?

THIS THREAD, I PROCLAIM, LACKS ME, JAMES JOYCE
THE CONVENTIONS OF SENTENCE STRUCTURE, FOR ME, ARE TOYS

I LIVE IN DUBLIN, AND WRITE OF THE PEOPLE OF MY TOWN
TRY TO FOLLOW FINNEGAN'S WAKE IN ONE READ AND NOT FROWN

DOUBLE DASHES I USE, IN PLACE OF QUOTATION MARKS,
THOUGH YOU'LL WADE THROUGH PAGES OF ULYSSES TO FIND ANY REMARKS

IN PUBLISHED LOVELETTERS I SPOKE OF BUTTFUCKING MY WIFE
AND ENJOYING THE FARTS WITH WHICH HER BUTT WAS RIFE

requesting stephen king, GRRM, harry potter lady, and twilight lady

My name is George RR Martin, but your mamma calls me Gurm,
she's sucking my dragon eggs till I fill her with sperm.

I'm 350 pounds of literary anhilation,
I'll kill your favorite characters as my daily masturbation.

You fuckers back down, you know I already said this,
Messed with me before, and your Stark became headless.

You like Danaerys? Want to see her go to the West?
Fuck it anyway, I'll be dead before I write the rest.
But who really gives a shit? Wildcards is the fucking best
I'll write 8 more shit books before I START this crapfest.

Sex in every other chapter, cuz you bitches ain't gettin laid.
I don't give a fuck, you know I already got it made.
I'll never finish this saga, but I sure as hell ain't afraid.
I'm fat as shit, but still richer than Dennis Quade.

In case it wasn't clear, I got cash to the 9 digits,
You can't stop me, I'll live forever through my midgets.

Just like Jon Snow, you niggahs know nada,
My books got more loose threads than the greyjoy armada.

>>1994856

I have to say I laughed pretty hard. Good ol' Joyce.

>>1994931
Hey!
Ho!
Hey!
Ho!

>>1994931

get to the part with the bear

Oh man, archive time:
http://chanarchive.org/request_votes

lulz

HEY, NIGGAS I'M BACK AGAIN
LOCK DOWN YOUR BITCHES AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

I'M READY TO FUCK SOCIETY
SUCK MY DICK; STOP CRYIN, G.

YOU DUMB HO'S BUY YOUR FURNITURE?
AT THAT COLLEGE FOR HORTICULTURE?

BITCH!
THAT SHIT DON'T WORK,
COME DOWN TO MY CABIN SO WE CAN TWERK.
FUCK MORE STRANGE BITCHES THAN CAPTAIN KIRK
CAUSE I'M DEPRESSED AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LURK.

What about Wolfi Landstreicher? You can't even find a picture of that author, AND he's still alive.

Nicely done.

>>1994783
who is this guy?

I just killed Harold Bloom with my big fucking dick

>>1994733
>>1994774
>>1994817
Glorious

>>1994856
>FINNEGAN'S
>'
ya blew it

ALL THE OTHER FUCKERS IN THIS THREAD DONE FAILED
MY NAME'S DAGNY TAGGART AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET RAILED

I FUCK LIKE AN ANIMAL WHEN REARDEN'S ALL OVER ME
JAMES TAGGART IS MY BROTHER BUT HE'S THE ONE WITH THE OVARIES
YEAH NIGGUH DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU WRITE
YOU COMMI ASS FAGGOTS ARE PARASITES
OBJECTIVIST THEORY IS THE WAY TO BE
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT POVERTY
IF YOU CAN'T KEEP UP DON'T BLAME THE RICH
OR I'LL LEAVE YOU HANGIN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH

IT'S TIME TO WRAP UP THIS RAP OF MINE
FUCK MUSSOLINI I MADE THE TRAINS RUN ON TIME
AND IF YOU'RE EVER FEELING OPPRESSED BY A RICH WHITE MAN
YOU CAN SUCK MY FUCKING DICK MY NAME IS AYN RAND

>>1996569

Ladies & Gentleman: Atlas Thugged.

>>1996577
Also props to OP who I assume made the other ones

>this thread

TELL YO WIFE TO FUCKING TAKE OFF HER BLOUSE
THE SEX GOD'S HERE, ASIMOV IS IN THE HOUSE

IM ONLY THE SINGLE GREATEST WRITER OF SCIENCE FICITION
ANDROIDS, ROBOTICS - I INVENTED THAT DICTION!

YOU THINK SCIFI JUST A BUNCH OF CAMPY MESS?
THE ANSWERS FUCKING NO AND YOU JUST FAILED THE TEST

YOU THINK SCIFI'S JUST FOR A BETA NECKBEARD BITCH?
MY PHILISOPHICAL UNDERTONES WILL KILL YOU AND LEAVE YOUR BODY IN A DITCH

THEN ILL FUCK YOU GIRLFRIEND WITH MY MASSIVE SIDEBURNS
SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU SEEN THESE THINGS? THEYRE FUCKING ABSURD.

THE NAME IS FRANK HERBERT, UP IN THIS BITCH
BENE GESSERIT SLOB ALL ON MY DICK

RIPPING OFF ISLAM FOR MY DUNE SERIES
SERIOUSLY, I CALLED THEM ZENSUNNIS

THAT FAG ASIMOV CAN SUCK A DICK
COMPARED TO ME HE AIN'T GOT SHIT

Hello, I do not normally post on 4chan, but when I do, it is to tell you that this is the best thread ever.

>>1996960
My fav so far.

This thread gets my seal of approval also. Shit rap meeting literary greats? Meant to be, clearly.

>>1996960
Glorious Asimov is glorious. This tops the lot so far.

OH FUCK YOU SODDING SODDERS, I'M AT IT AGAIN
SCRIBBLIN' WITH THAT OLD STYLE SWAG LIKE ITS 1810
MY DICK IS LIKE MY BEARD, CAUSE IT HANGS TO THE FLOOR,
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL ME FUCKING ALAN MOORE.
SEQUENTIAL ART, YOU GODDAMN TART, ITS THE PERFECT MEDIUM TO RIP YOUR MIND APART
ITS TIME TO GO, ITS TIME TO SPLIT, IF YOU MAKE A MOVIE ADAPTATION OF MY WORKS I GUARANTEE IT'LL BE SHIT.

HOLD UP, FUCK YOU, ITS TIME YOU GET GONE
HAND OFF THE GODDAMN MIC--ITS TIME FOR CHABON.
TIME FOR YOU "WRITER" ASSFUCKS TO PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE
OH NO, WHAT'S THAT, YOU DON'T HAVE A PULITZER PRIZE?
I HOLD MY JOINT KINDA EFFEMINATELY WHILE I SUCK THAT CHODE, BUT I DON'T CARE--YOU DIDN'T WRITE GENTLEMEN OF THE ROAD.
PITTSBURGH IS THE REAL HOOD, AND I BORE THE BRUNT
THOUGH I'LL CONCEDE, MY WIFE AYELET WALDMAN IS SUUUUCH A CUNT...

SO IT GOES, SO IT GOES WHILE I'M BLASTIN HOES
IF ITS NOT AUTHORED BY ME IT FUCKIN BLOWS
I SCRIBBLE SHITTY DRAWINGS WHILE I'M CRUSHIN' GUTS,
WE ALL HAVE HUGE SHLONGS, THE VONNEGUTS.
ASTERISK OR ASSHOLE, THE CHOICE IS YOURS,
CAUSE IM THE MUSTACHIOED GERMAN THAT THE WORLD ADORES
I'M COOLER THAN ICE 9, WHILE YOUR WIFE IS SUPINE, RIDIN' GODDAMN DIRTY AS WE 69.

>>1997128
aw shit nigga, pulling out that internal rhyme.

>>1997132
you know how we do.

somone HAS to do Dostoyevski being hardcore bout spending time.

HURR-HUH..WHA?? GET AWAY FROM ME YOU BEAST! STAND BACK, AND ON MY DRUG ADDLED NIGHTMARES FEAST!
FEAR AND LOATHING NEVER MEANT SHIT, THAT IS UNTIL I TRIPPED BALLS AND INVENTED IT
I'M ALL UP IN MY STORIES LIKE A BITCH'S CUNT, GONZO IS THE WORD, PASS ME THE FUCKIN BLUNT.
MALE PATTERN BALDNESS IS MY CALLING CARD--HEY, MOVE, YOU'RE BLOCKING MY AIM RETARD!!!! SHOOTING GUNS IN THE DESERT LIKE IM SQUIRTIN' CUM, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO MY DIARY--RUM.

YO, FUCK YOU ALL AND YOUR PHILOSOPHIES!
FICTION FOR IRONY AND BEING A HUMAN BEING
THAT’S POST-MODERN, NIGGA, AND I DO IT RIGHT
STRETCHING OUT PAGES TILL’ THEIR OUT OF SIGHT
CAUSE FOOTNOTES YOU KNOW IS LIFE’S INFINITE JEST
SMOKIN’ WEED AND GETTIN’ FUCKED, YOU KNOW THAT’S THE BEST
SO CONSIDER THIS BITCH – WHO’S YOUR PALE KING?
OH SHIT, FUCK, MY DEPRESSION IS SPIKING
IM DEAD PEACE

WATCH YOUR KIDS, WATCH YOUR WIFE, WATCH YOUR FUCKIN' BLING
THERE'S A PLAGUE ON YOUR HOUSE, AND ITS NAME IS KING.
I'VE TAKEN TONS OF SHIT FOR THE WAY I WRITE,
IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY LETS FUCKIN FIGHT.
I'LL BRING THE HURT, I'M A GROWNASS MAN, JUST PLEASE DON'T HIT ME WITH ANOTHER VAN.
SCRIBBLIN' ERRY DAY, THATS THE WAY I DO,
PEOPLE EATIN' IT UP LIKE A KID EATS GLUE.
IF YOU DON'T READ MY BOOKS, FUCK YOU YOU'RE LAME-- WHO CARES IF ALL MY PROTAGONISTS ARE THE SAME.
PENNY DREADFULS AS DESCRIBED BY SOME, ARE WHAT I WRITE BY THE FUCKING TON
BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT, WHO FLIPS A FUCK,
CAUSE EVERY GOLDEN KEYSTROKE IS ANOTHER BUCK.

BITCHES CLEAR OUT THE SPACE FOR THE ILLEST MOTHAFUCKA
GEE-EHM IN THE PLACE LIKE THE FUCKIN' HIGHLANDER
RAISED TO BE A PACIFIST IN HELLA COLD SCOTLAND
I TELL THE YANKS HOW ITS DONE IN THE COMICS THAT I'M WRITIN'
BADASS MOTHERFUCKERS- WAIT, WHAT? NO FUCK THAT.
I HIT THE FIFTH DIMENSION WITH SHROOMS AND CAME BACK
TO WRITE STORIES THAT ARE ALL ABOUT THE HUMAN CONDITION
ABOUT GUYS IN CAPES, HELL, NOW I'M ON A MISSION
TO FUCKIN' WAKE YOU UP FROM THE DREAD WE'VE FOUND OURSELVES IN
CAPE STORIES TELL US WHERE WE BEEN
WHAT WE DONE
WHERE WE GOIN'
SHIT, NOW I'M HIGH AGAIN

WOAH SHIT MOTHERFUCKERS THIS THREAD JUST GOT REAL
PYNCHON IN THE FUCKING HOUSE, HERE TO COP A FEEL

DONT GET INTO MY BOOK EXPECT A LOGICAL CONCLUSION
ALL YOURE GONNA GET IS FUCKING COLD, HARD CONFUSION

YOU'LL BE SITTING BACK THINKING "THE FUCK DID I JUST READ?"
WHILE YOUR BRAIN TURNS TO MUSH, ON WHICH I SHALL FEED

GO AHEAD, I DARE YA TO TRY TO READ AND UNDERSTAND ME
YOU'LL OPEN THE BOOK AND SUDDENLY FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T READ

ONE HUNDERED MILLION WORDS AND YOUR ONLY HALFWAY DONE
THE POST MODERN BRILLIANCE WILL MAKE YOUR HEAD EXPLODE INTO THE SUN

AW SHIT, CMON FUCKER, YOU KNEW I'D SHOW UP
I'M THE BIG DOG, YOU'RE A QUIVRIN' PUP.
I DRESS LIKE A PIMP, MY WARDROBE AIN'T MILD--PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, ITS OSCAR WILDE!!!!!!
WHEN THEY SEE ME ROUND TOWN THEY CALL ME A DANDY, BUT THAT DON'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT MY BOOKS SELL LIKE CANDY.
BEING EARNEST IS IMPORTANT, OR SO I SAY, WHICH IS WHY I'M HERE TO TELL YOU, YES, I'M GAY.
I GOT THROWN IN THE BIG HOUSE FOR FUCKIN A DUDE, BUT LEMME SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, IT WASN'T SO CRUDE.
I WINED HIM, DINED HIM, YEAH I LIKE EM' YOUNG--AND AFTER THAT I TREATED HIM TO MY SILVER TONGUE.

THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER - YEAH THAT'S ME!
YOU BETTER REMEMBER MY NAME, FUCKING DOSTOEVSKY!

ALL YOU PUSSY MOTHERFUCKERS THINK YOURE SO HARDCORE
WHILE AM YOUR HOUSE FUCKING YOUR WIVES LIKE WHORES

DID MY TIME IN SIBERIA, YEAH I KEEP IT FUCKING REAL
DID MY TIME BEHIND BARS, IM HARDCORE LIKE A BAR OF STEEL

I WROTE C&P AND THE FUCKING KARAMAZOV BROS
FUCK ANNA KARENINA, TOLSTOY AINT NOTHING BUT A HOE

I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS (SWAG)
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS

I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS (SWAG)
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS

I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS (SWAG)
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS

I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS (SWAG)
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS

I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS (SWAG)
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS

I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS (SWAG)
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS

>>1997128
>ICE 9

But that's not cold at all. That was the entire point!

>>1997223

The evolution of prose, ladies and gentlemen.

>>1996501
>FUCK MORE STRANGE BITCHES THAN CAPTAIN KIRK

SON OF A WHORE, GOD DAMN YOU, CAN YOU TELL
A PEERLESS PEER THE READIEST WAY TO HELL?
I'VE OUTSWILLED BACCHUS, SWORN OF MY OWN MAKE
OATHS WOULD FRIGHT THE FURIES AND MAKE PLUTO QUAKE.
I'VE FUCKED MORE WHORES MORE WAYS THAN SODOM'S WALLS
E'ER KNEW, OR THE COLLEGE OF ROME'S CARDINALS.
WITNESS HEROIC SCARS, LOOK HERE, NE'ER GO,
CERECLOTHS AND ULCERS FROM TOP TO TOE.
FRIGHTED AT MY OWN MISCHIEFS I HAVE FLED
AND BRAVELY LEFT MY LIFE'S DEFENDER DEAD
BROKE HOUSE TO BREAK CHASTITY, AND DYED
THE FLOOR WITH MURDER WHAT MY LUST DENIED.
POX ON'T, WHY DO I SPEAK OF THESE POOR THINGS?
I HAVE BLASPHEMED MY GOD AND LIBELLED KINGS.
THE READIEST WAY TO HELL? COME QUICK, NE'ER STIR:
THE READIEST WAY, MY LORD, IS ROCHESTER.

POE'S IN THE HOUSE SO ENOUGH WITH THE SOFT SHIT
TRANSCENDENTALISTS? JUST PRETENDERS AND SOPHISTS
I'M A MAN OF MYSTERY AND I INVENTED MACABRE
YOUR RHYMES ARE ABOUT AS OUTDATED AS YOUR BELIEF IN GOD

FUCKING FAGGOTS, YOU'VE GOT NO RESOLVE
THE LOCATION OF YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT IS A MYSTERY EVEN DUPIN COULDN'T SOLVE
BUT I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT, SHE WAS AT THE BAR BUZZIN
AND I MOMENTARILY MISTOOK HER FOR MY FOURTEEN YEAR OLD COUSIN
SHE WANTED IT SLOW BUT I WAS FORCED TO RUSH HER
AND SKIRT FELL DOWN FASTER THAN THE HOUSE OF USHER

BUT WHY WOULD I TELL YOU AND BLOW MY COVER APART?
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I'VE GOT A TELL TALE HEART
NAH FUCK THAT I KNOW YOU CAN'T DO SHIT
I DON'T NEED A PENDULUM TO THROW YOU IN THE PIT

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT YOU LET'S TALK ABOUT ME
BECAUSE I'M A LOT MORE THAN JUST A DOPE MC
I'M A FOUNDER OF A GENRE JUST ASK HP
HE MIGHT LOVE MY CRAFT BUT HE'LL NEVER BE ME
BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE POE AND HE'S ON THE FLOOR
AND THE DAY I TAKE SHIT IS NEVERMORE

SO AS YOU CAN SEE I'M ONE OF A KIND
I'VE GOT THAT KING FAGGOT KISSING MY BEHIND
I WROTE POEMS AND STORIES AND GORY ALLEGORIES
IT'S A SHAME I HAD TO LEAVE YOU AT THE AGE OF FORTY
BUT SUCH IS THE LIFE OF A GENIUS INSANE
DON'T TRY TO TOP ME IT'D BE IN VAIN

>>1997286

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I just shat my pants. Got motherfucking Hunter S. Thompson?

>>1997144
He's done here.
>>1997410

LIKE DYNAMITE DREAMS I'LL MAKE YOU EXPLODE
LEAVE YOUR MIND DRIPPIN IN HARLEM OVERLOAD
IT AIN'T EBONICS NIGGA, ITS ENGLISH
I AIN'T WRITIN IN CODE
BUILT A HUT NEAR THE CONGO TO FUCK YO HO
SPEAKIN OF RIVERS WHEN I COUNT MY DOUGH
MY PEOPLE KNOW
THAT I'M MOTHERFUCKIN LANGSTON HUGHES
NOW I GOTTA ASK NIGGA
WHO THE FUCK IS YOU?

AWWW SHIT
Y'ALL BETTER QUIT
PREPARE FOR ACCOSTIN'
FROM MOTHER FUCKING JANE AUSTEN

SHIT MEN DIDN'T LOVE ME AND I WAS PISSED
THOSE FUCKERS SO FULL OF PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
SPINNING MAH THREAD WHILE ON ECSTACY
MAKES A GIRL FINER THAN ANY MR DARCY
SO IF YOU'RE HERE TO CRITICIZE FUCKING REALIZE IT
THAT I WONT TAKE SHIT MORE THAN E-LIZ-A-BETH BENNET


A SPINSTER I MAY BE, OLD AND CRABBY
BUT FUCK I AINT INNOCENT LIKE NORTHANGER ABBEY
SO I DON'T GIVE A DAMN BOUT MY MARITAL DISABILITY
CUZ THIS PROUD BITCH HAS SOME SENSE AND SENSIBILITY

LAST NAME WOLFE, FIRST NAME GENE
FUCK WITH ME AND I CUT OFF YOU PEEN
BEST FANTASY EVER, NOT EVEN TOLKIEN CAN FIGHT
YALL NIGGAS AINT TRYING, YO GET OFF THE MIC
WHILE OTHER NIGGAS WRITIN SHIT CRAPPY PULP FICTION
I FUCK THEM IN THE ASS WIT MY LITERATE DICTION
TONS OF DEEPER MEANINGS, PHILOSOPHICAL THEMES
NO WONDER BITCHES LOVE ME, THEY SUCK ME IN TEAMS
I MAY NOT BE A ROCKSTAR, A FUCKIN HIPSTER LIKE GAIMAN
STILL FUCKED HIS WIFE, HELL I FIRST BROKE HER HYMEN
I MADE THE GENRE MY BITCH, SCIENCE FICTION TOO
YOU THINK YOU CAN TOP ME, AW SHIT GET A CLUE
IM THE BEST THERE WILL BE, THE TOP OF THE GAME
YOU DISAGREE AND YOU'LL EAT MY PIMP CANE

OH SHIT YOU WACK BITCHES MAKE WAY FOR THE BRONTES
THREE FINE FUCKIN VIRGINS CHILLIN IN THE CRIB ALL DAY
SOAK IN THE BYRONY OF OUR BOY HEATHCLIFF FROM HELL
Y'ALL NIGGAS RHYMES FAKER THAN OUR EDITOR ACTION BELL
WE AIN'T POOR HOS WE DON'T ROLL WITH AGNES GREY
NIGGAS TRY BUT THEY CANT HANDLE THIS POETIC THREEWAY
WHEN OUR GATS SPRAY WE LEAVE ORPHANS IN THE CLEAR
WE BE BURNING ROOMS DOWN A LA DAMSEL JANE EYRE
AND OUR RHYMES LEAVE YOU COVERED IN KATHERINE'S TEARS
DYIN LIKE MR. REED WITH COLD GREY EYES FILLED IN FEAR
AND OUR SMALLEST BITCH ANNE SPITS LIKE SHE'S SICK
WHEN YOU CAN DREAM UP A MAN YOU DONT NEED NO DICK
AND SO TOGETHER WE WRITE IN OUR ATTIC WE BLEND MINDS
AND OUR GENIUS IS SEEN LATER BY WHAT DEM FEMINISTS CAN FIND
BUT IN THE MEANTIME WE'RE CELIBATE CELEBRATED AND FOR SALE
CUZ WE WRITE FROM THE HEART
WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR WHITE WHALE?

I appreciate the enthusiasm, but your meter has been pretty bad for all these. Work on that.

>>1997514

Pretty sure it isn't the same guy at this point.

>>1997514
That's why I haven't done any: I would try to make the meter perfect, and that would just take way too much time.

ALL YALL NIGGAS BEST KNOW IM MOTHERFUCKING NEIL GAIMAN
MY DICK'S SO HUGE IVE GOT BITCHES FROM HERE TO THE CAYMANS
ELITISTS GONNA RAGE ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY HATE MY PROSE
BUT I'M NAILIN' HIPSTER BITCHES IN A THOUSAND DIFFERENT AREA CODES
I CO-WROTE GOOD OMENS WITH MY NIGGA TERRY PRATCHETT
BUT THE REST OF YOU PUSSIES JUST CAN'T FUCKING HACK IT
YOU MOTHERFUCKERS THINK YOU CAN WRITE THE NEXT AMERICAN GODS
FAGS, YOU CAN'T WRITE FOR SHIT, SO JUST FUCK OFF, YOU STUPID SODS
TODD MCFARLANE THINKS HES GOT SOME HOT SHIT WITH SPAWN
IF HE THINKS IT'S AS GOOD AS SANDMAN HE BEST GET ANOTHER THINK ON
YOU KNOW MY RHYMES ARE SMOOTH, THEY AIN'T NO SMOKE AND MIRRORS
IF YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT SHIT, YOU BEST COME TO TERMS WITH BEING MY INFERIORS

YO MOTHERFUCKER STEP BACK, IT'S THE FUCKIN TAO LIN
MAKIN THE WU TANG LOOK LIKE THE BITCHES OF SHAOLIN
I SPIT WICKED PROSE TO CAVE YOUR FUCKIN MOUTH IN
I'M THE GREATEST AUTHOR IN HISTORY, MY DISCOGRAPHY'S A FUCKIN MOUNTAIN,
HEMINGWAY IS A GAY,
I MADE KAFKA COUGH BLOOD,
FUCK KAFKAESQUE, I'LL MAKE A KAFKA MESS,
CAUSE VIOLENCE IS TAOESQUE,
I STARTED WITH ANGSTY POETRY IN A COILBOUND JOURNAL, BUT NOW I'M BOUND-LESS.

>>1997544
>I MADE KAFKA COUGH BLOOD

>see that
>enter thread

>this whole thread

Lest you on crow or humble pie should sup, let's
Attend as I freestyle heroic couplets:
Unlike you hip-hop poetasters', mine
Reveal a perfect rhyme to end each line.
Your verse like empty condoms, full of fail;
But mine a scorpion with sting in tail
To kill with such economy or thrift
(Mark now that pleonasm, says Dean Swift)
That not one word is wasted, nor is time,
When meter runs as perfectly as rhyme,
In such a neoclassical design
That you might think that Homer writ my line.
Chiasmus my device, my crib a grotto,
My whiteness might make Shakespeare seem mulatto,
My learning vast in Greek as well as Latin.
(Sugete meam mentulam: put THAT in.)
When Thebes' King from Tiresias sought succour,
The blind seer to him shouted "Motherfucker!
Seekst thou to know who's truly the most dope?
Which Gangster most Original? A. Pope."

Do Sade

ALL YOU MUTHAFUCKAS WHO THINK GOD IS REAL,
JUST LISTEN TO THESE HURLEMENTS FROM THE BASTILLE.
ROUSSEAU THOUGHT NATURE WAS LIKE "HAKUNA MATATA"
I'M HERE TO TELL YOU NATURE'S A VAGINA DENTATA
SHE WANTS YOU DEAD, SHE WANTS YOU BLEEDING RED,
SHE WANTS TO START CHEWING WHEN SHE SHOULD BE GIVING HEAD,
BUT GIVEN THE NATURE OF NATURE, THERE IS JUST CAUSE
FOR DISOBEYING SO-CALLED NATURAL LAWS.
I'M THE DIVINE MARQUIS, WITH A MADMAN'S EYE I SEE
HOW SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR WONDERS: SHOULD SHE BURN ME?
LIKE WHEN THE POOR HEARD ME SCREAMING FROM THE BASTILLE
AND THREE DAYS LATER Y'ALL LIKE "SHIT JUST GOT REAL"
BUT BY THAT TIME I WAS PACKED UP AND GONE
TO THE INSANE ASYLUM AT CHARENTON.
NOW LET'S APPLAUD
THERE IS NO GOD
AND YOU'RE A FOOL
IF YOU'RE NOT CRUEL

Now this is the story all about how
my life got flipped, turned upside down
and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air

In West Philadelfia born and raised
on the playground where I spent most of my days
chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school
when a couple of guys said "we're up in no good"
started making trouble in my neighbourhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
and said "you're moving with your aunte and uncle in Bel-Air"

I begged and pleaded with her the other day
but she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
she gave me a kissin' and she gave me my ticket
I put my walkman on and said I might aswell kick it

First class, yo this is bad,
drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass
is this what the people of Bel-Air livin' like,
hmm this might be alright!

I whistled for a cab and when it came near the
licensplate said "Fresh" and had a dice in the mirror
if anything I could say that this cab was rare
but I thought now forget it, yo home to Bel-Air

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight
and I yelled to the cabby "Yo, home smell you later"
looked at my kingdom I was finally there
to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air

THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF SHIT FLYING IT'S TIME TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT
I GET MORE HOES THAN MY PROSE GETS HATE
WHEN I'M DONE WITH Y'ALL, Y'ALL BE HURTEN
I PACK A MEANER PUNCH THAN TYLER FUCKIN' DURDEN

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW MY NAME IS CHUCK
I'M A CONTROVERSIAL ICONOCLAST WHO DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK
SO THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO DISS PALAHNIUK
UNDERSTAND THAT I ENCOURAGE YOU TO SUCK MY FUCKIN DICK

I'VE GOT LUNG CANCER FROM ALL THE SUCKAS I SMOKE
DON'T BE FOOLED BY BOOK TITLES I'M NEVER GONNA CHOKE

YOU'LL WIND UP LIKE ROBERT PAULSON IF YOU DON'T WATCH YOUR BACK
I'VE GOT MORE INTERCHANGEABLE PROTAGONISTS THAN HEMINGWAY'S GOT SACK
(oh!)
SO GO AHEAD AND SAY THAT MY STORIES ARE CHILDISH
IT WON'T STOP ME FROM MUTHAFUCKIN STYLIN BITCH

I'M AN AGGRESSIVE TRANSGRESSIVE OUTSIDER WRITER
I MIGHT BE A HOMOSEXUAL, BUT CHECK MY CLUB, I'M A FIGHTER

ALL RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS I'M A REAL HG
ALL SCIENCE FICTION WRITERS OWE THEIR LIVELIHOODS TO ME
I WENT BACK TO THE FUTURE BEFORE ANY MAN ALIVE
HAD THE TIME MACHINE PUBLISHED IN 1895

FUCK THE WAR OF THE WORLDS THIS IS A WAR OF WORDS
I KICK THE SHIT OUTTA ANYONE AND I'M SURROUNDED BY TURDS
CALL ME THE INVISIBLE MAN BECAUSE I'M OUT OF SIGHT
I KNEW THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME AND I WAS FUCKIN RIGHT

SO I PREDICT THE FUTURE AND I COME FROM THE PAST
GO TOE TO TOE WITH DR MOREAU AND YOU AIN'T GONNA LAST
WHO'S MY COMPETITION, PHILIP K. DICK?
HE'S APPROPRIATELY NAMED BECAUSE HE SUCKS IT TILL HE'S SICK

IN CASE YOU'RE UNAWARE MY SURNAME IS WELLS
I'M A SOCIALIST SCIENTIST AND I BE CASTIN SPELLS
CAUSE YOU'LL BE ENCHANTED BY MY PROTO-SCIENCE FICTION
MY WORDS PAINT A PAINFULLY ACCURATE DEPICTION
OF A WORLD I FORSAW BEFORE ANY FUCKER KNEW IT
SO FUCK BITCHES WHILE YOU CAN THAT'S HOW AN HG GOTTA DO IT

>>1997950
oh jesus, best so far

ALL MY MUTHAFUCKIN' BITCHES GIMME WORD UP EASY,
CAUSE GEORGE BERNARD SHAW IS NOW IN THE HEEZY.
UNLESS YOU ADDRESS ME AS G.B.S. WITH DISCRETION
I WILL FUCK YOU LIKE YOU GOT MRS WARREN'S PROFESSION
I DON'T NEED ITALICS OR APOSTROPHES
CAUSE WITH MY FAIR LADY'S
FUCKIN CASH ROYALTIES,
G.B.S. WILL MUTHAFUCKIN DO AS HE PLEASE,
JUST LIKE MAJOR BARBARA OR ANDROCLES.
I'VE GOT A MUTHAFUCKIN' NOBEL PRIZE AND WHAT IS MORE
I GOT AN OSCAR FROM HOLLYWOOD----CHA-CHING! G.B.S. SCORES!
AIN'T NOBODY ELSE DONE THAT, JUST ME AND AL GORE.
I GAVE BAD REVIEWS TO OSCAR WILDE,
AND SCOLDED THE BRITISH PUBLIC LIKE A WAYWARD CHILD,
PROUD CONTRARIAN, LOUD AS A CLARION,
A VEGETARIAN WHO WON'T EAT CARRION,
I'M A CRANKY HIBERNIAN NONAGENARIAN
MAN AND SUPERMAN, IT IS JUST AS YOU FEARED:
ALL YOU MUTHAFUCKIN' BITCHES CAN SUCK MY MUTHAFUCKIN' BEARD.

>>1997640
That's awesome.

this is too much awesome for one thread

Because I could not stop for format-
I fucked it in the ass
I'd be no mother fuckin' tradition's doormat-
Now tell me that ain't class!

Not one soul knew a line of my verse-
I did this all for my soul - for fun
Not till this bitch was dragged to heaven in a hearse-
My name? It's Emily Dickinson!

THIS I SAY WITHOUT MALICE, I DON'T MEAN TO BE CALLOUS
BUT Y'ALL CAN SUCK MY PHALLUS CAUSE I'M DAVID FOSTER WALLACE.
AND IN A PLOT TWIST THAT MIGHT HAVE COME FROM VALIS,
I'M BACK TO ASK LETHEM HOW HE LIKES MY OFFICE,
I'M BACK FROM THE GRAVE AND I'M POSTING ON /lit/
TO REMIND YOU THAT I'M STILL THE POSTHUMOUS SHIT:
ADMITTEDLY YOU HAVE NOT HEARD MUCH FROM ME LATELY,
BUT REMEMBER HOW THAT GHOST APPEARS TO DON GATELY?
COME ON, FANBOYS, TIME TO MAKE SOME NOISE
AND APPRECIATE MY ECTOPLASMAL EQUIPOISE
AS THE AUTHOR YOU LOVE MOST
COMES BACK LIKE BANQUO'S GHOST
SO NOW THANKS TO moot I HAVE COME AGAIN TO S.N.O.O.T.
DRESSED IN THIS MADAME-PSYCHOTIC VERBAL SUIT:
WITH MY CHARACTERISTIC LOGORRHEA NOW UNCHECKED BY PAREGORIC
THAT PERMITS ME ONCE AGAIN TO BE PROLIX AND METAPHORIC,
LIKE IN THAT NOVEL WHOSE TITLE ONCE REFERRED TO YORICK.
WITH MY CATEGORIC KIND OF LINGUISTIC SCHLEPPING,
AND WISECRACKING ABOUT TENNIS BUT NOT ABOUT TWELVE-STEPPING,
I APPEAL TO THOSE WHO EARNESTLY READ,
AND TO THOSE WHO NEED
TO BELIEVE A "HIGHER POWER" JUST MEANS ME SMOKING WEED...
WELL THE TRUTH IS THE AFTERLIFE IS COMPLICATED,
AND I AM SLATED TO BE REINCARNATED
AS A LOBSTER OFF THE COAST OF MAINE,
SCHEDULED TO BE EATEN BY JOHN MCCAIN.
BUT EVEN IN DEATH I'M STILL A LITERARY STAR.
THIS BRIEF INTERVIEW IS OVER---NOW YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

YO, YO, YO,
THIS IS GOD, CREATOR OF THE BIBLE,
AND A LITTLE THING CALLED EARTH, THE PLANET WHERE LIFE IS VIABLE,
FUCK A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER,
THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD STILL ALLOWS ME TO GET CHEDDAR,
NOT TO MENTION CHURCH DONATIONS,
YOU'RE IN GOD'S HOUSE NOW WHITEY, AND THERE'S NO INVITATION,
SO KEEP DENYING MY EXISTENCE AND YOU CAN CHILL WITH SATAN,
PULLING RUSSELL'S TEAPOT, BUT THAT SHIT'S CARBON DATED

AND I'LL CUT THIS VERSE SHORT LIKE YOUR SON'S UMBILICAL CHORD,
BY THE WAY YOU'RE WELCOME, IT WASN'T A GIRL

>>1997950
NOT SO FAST YOU PUNKASS WHIPPER-SNAPPER
YOU'RE ABOUT AS TALENTED A WRITER AS YOU ARE A RAPPER
I'VE BEEN TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH BUT MY BURNS ARE MORE SEVERE
EVERYONE GET THE FUCK DOWN JULES VERNE IS HERE

NOW YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE KNOWN IT BUT I WROTE SCIENCE FICTION TOO
DOES 1864 SOUND IMPORTANT TO YOU?
IT WAS DECADES BEFORE YOU EVER PUT A PEN TO PAPER
I WAS TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES INTO YOUR MOTHER WHEN I RAPED HER

THE FATHER OF SCIENCE FICTION, THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL ME
YOU'RE A SPERM CELL GONE WRONG THAT LEAKED OUT OF MY BALLS, G
BUT DON'T FEEL BAD IF YOU'RE ONE AMONG THE GAYS
NOT EVERYONE CAN TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS

BUT DON'T THINK ALL MY ATTENTION IS GOING TO YOU
THERE'S A WHOLE SLOUGH OF FAGGOTS I'D LIKE TO GET TO
ASIMOV AND HEINLEIN AND K. LE GUIN
YOU OWE AS MUCH TO ME AS YOU DO TO HIM
AND THEN THERE'S BILLY PILGRIM WHO TRAVELS TIME AND SPACE
GO FUCK YOURSELF KURT THAT NOVEL'S ALL OVER THE PLACE

AND NOW THIS OLD MAN IS WINDING DOWN
BUT DON'T THINK THAT YOU WON'T SEE ME AROUND
FOR I AM IMMORTAL AND MY WORKS WILL LIVE THROUGH THE AGES
I GET MORE BITCHES THAN TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES HAS PAGES

>>1998073
BEST ONE YET

MY CLOTHES ARE A MESS, I'M SO DEPRESSED
THAT BUKOWSKI SHOWED UP TO MY HOUSE WITH A BONER PRESSED
AGAINST THE LINING OF HIS PANTS
AND OFFERED TO SHARE A GLASS OF HIS FAVORITE BRAND
OF WHISKEY, WHILE HE REMAINED AFRAID TO MOCK ME
I SPIT THAT SHIT IN HIS FACE AND DEMANDED HE BRING ME SAKE
DEPRESSION REPRESSIN QUESTIONS OF MORAL ETHICS
ATTEMPTIN TO END IT BUT QUITTIN DUE TO FAILED METHODS
ONLY TO SUCCEED SUCCESS LESS
WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED IT
NO ONE, 'CAUSE FATE IS NON-EXISTANT

>>1998118

Is that Kitzo Hekotormos?

This is fucking nuts. moar!

ALL YOU MUTHAFUCKAS WANNA TAKE A HIT OFF MY PIPE?
I'M WARNIN' YOU FIRST, IT'S THE LAUDANUM TYPE

I'M THE ORIGINAL ADDICT, LIKE EMINEM ON DEMEROLS
MEETS ELVIS ON THE TOILET IN THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

IN A HAZY MAZY REGION OF THE FARTHEST CATHAY
WHERE THEY ALSO GROOVE ON OPIUM IN THE SELFSAME WAY.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF: I'M SILAS T. COMBERBACKE
OH SORRY THAT WAS NOT ME TALKING, THAT WAS JUST THE SMACK

CAUSE I'M ROCKIN' ON IT, PORLOCKIN' ON IT, I'M INVENTING PANTISOCRACY
I TRANSLATE I. KANT (BUT KUBLA KHAN!) I'M RANTING AT THE CLERISY,
THEN I STUFF SOME UNITARIAN PHILOSOPHY IN WITH SOPHISTRY
INTO MY WILD-EYED PIPE DREAM THAT I CALL AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
MY LITERARIA, WITH MY COLLECTED MARGINALIA,
ARE AS LONG AS MY GENITALIA
WHICH (INTER ALIA)

CAN FILL A DOZEN VOLUMES

WITH FEVERED DREAMS LIKE CHRISTABEL LIKE SMOKING WEED ON MUSHROOMS,

THIS POPPY-FLOWER-BOWER IS MY CHOSEN PRISON
WHERE BEHOLDING THE BEST AS 'TWERE THROUGH A PRISM
CAN MAKE US THE BEST POSSIBLE: SO I'M THE BEST THAT CAN BE
I'M BETTER THAN THOSE LAUREATE ISCARIOTS WHO HUNG WITH ME,
WHOSE NAMES I DARE NOT MOUTHEY FOR THEY ARE NAT A TOORDSWORTH

AND YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM THERE,
I DON'T CARE

I DON'T NEED TO BUILD THE WHOLE BRIDGE

I DON'T WANNA HARSH MY MELLOW I'M SAMUEL TAYLOR FUCKIN COLERIDGE

AND IF OPIUM
MAKES YOU SAY YUM-YUM
THEN LET'S GET DUMB
YOU AND ME TOGETHER, BOO

WE'LL DRINK MANNA-DEW

DOWN IN XANADU

AND I'LL SHOW
EVERY HO

WHAT MY BANANA DO

Rimbaud mite b cool.

>>1998135
His name is in the filename you idiot.

ALL MY NIGGAS IN THE HOUSE TIME TO LIGHT UP A SPLIFF
AND BOOGIE DOWN WITH YOUR HOMEBOY JONATHON SWIFT
MY ESSAYS ARE SO SCATHING YOU'D SWEAR THEY'RE ON FIRE
SO THROW YOUR HANDS UP FOR THE KING OF SATIRE

I'VE SEEN SOME FAGGOTS IN THIS THREAD TRYNA ACT HARD
BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO 4CHAN EVERY MAN THINKS HE'S A BARD
WELL I'M TIRED OF READING RUBBISH WORTHY OF DISPOSAL
SO LEND ME YOUR EARS TO THIS MODEST PROPOSAL:

GO FUCK YOURSELVES, THE LOT OF YOU NEED CHRISTIAN ABSOLUTION
YOU'RE AS DESERVING AS AN IRISH BABY OF PROMPT EXECUTION
AND YOUR DICK'S ABOUT THE SIZE OF A SEMI-LILLIPUTION

NO AUTHOR CAN TOUCH ME, EACH ONE OF THEM A FAG
I'M A LITERARY GIANT STRAIGHT FROM BROBDINGNAG
JUVENALIAN OR HORATION I CAN DO IT ALL
ASK ANY FELLA 'BOUT STELLA AND HE'LL TELLYA' HOW SHE SUCKED ON MY BALLS
A LESSON WELL LEARNED THAT YOU OTHER FAGS SHOULD ENJOY
BECAUSE JONATHON SWIFT WAS DESIGNED TO DESTROY

Toast to this epic thread.
Can you do Crichton?

>>1998375
>implying this is one person

ALL YOU MUTHAFUCKIN' FAGGOTS PUT YO HANDS UP YO
FOR THE MUTHAFUCKIN' KING OF /lit/ ARTHUR RIMBAUD
WITH MY RIM-JOB SONNET AND MY DRUNKEN BATEAU
I WAS SLICING ALEXANDRINES
IN HALF LIKE A SURGEON
AND GAVE IT UP AT NINETEEN
WHEN YOU WUZ STILL A VIRGIN
I SHOVED FOURTEEN FUCKING INCHES INTO VERLAINE'S BOWELS
AND I STILL COULD FIND THE TIME TO COLORIZE THE VOWELS
CAUSE YOU KNOW IT
DRUNKEN BO-AT
WUZ AHEAD OF ITS TIME
AND I ILLUMINATE IN PROSE AS PERFECT AS I RHYME
THEN I RUN AWAY TO ISLINGTON, GET SHOT IN THE HAND,
ABANDON ART AND PANSIES WHO WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND,
FIND SUN HAVE FUN RUN GUNS DOWN HERE IN DARKEST ABYSSINIA
ONCE MARRIED TO MY ABSINTHE LIKE AENEAS TO LAVINIA,
I STILL GOT TIME NOW FOR ONE MORE BRIDE
WHO WANTS A SEASON IN HELL
AND A REASON TO YELL
MY NAME OUT AS MY COCK GOES SO DEEP INSIDE
AS I'M FUCKING YOU
IN YOUR TROU VELU....
REMEMBER RIMBAUD'S THE MUTHAFUCKA WHO SAID "O" WAS BLUE

>>1997258
>>1997579

This is the greatest thread on 4chan, ever.

Requesting George Orwell.
I would do it myself, but I can't rhyme for shit.

You have truly made me proud tonight, /lit/.

>>1998073
>IT WAS DECADES BEFORE YOU EVER PUT A PEN TO PAPER
>I WAS TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES INTO YOUR MOTHER WHEN I RAPED HER


YES.

AWW FUCK ERRYBODY IN THIS BITCH DO THE DOUGIE
SHITS NAMED AFTER ME CAUSE ALL THE BITCHES LOVE ME.
YOU MAY KNOW ME FROM WRITING HHGTTG
ALL THESE OTHER LAMES TRYING TO WRITE HUMOR, WHAT AN IMPROBABILITY.
I GOT HUMOR FOR DAYS AND EVEN BETTER AT NIGHT.
THE MAGRATHEANS MADE A PLANET FULL OF FAGGOTS AND I SEE YOU IN SIGHT.
IT'S QUITE SAD THAT THESE VOGANS CAN WRITE BETTER PROSE.
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SUCK SO BAD? ONLY ZARQUON KNOWS.
SHIT YOUR MOM NEEDS TO STOP IM ABOUT TO BURST.
BITCHES ARE WAITING AT THE RESTAURANT AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE.

first time browsing /lit/

love you guys already

>>1998453
:) that will probably change soon though

>>1994781
I laughed heartily, really.

wow. this is amazing. can we be friends?

>>1998073
that was great.
i dont think ill see anything better on the internet for a long time.

>>1998453
this is nothing like /lit/
we suck in the same way every other board does.
this is a rare gem

WHAT HO, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU THINK YO SUMMINK SPECIAL?
COS YOU WROTE A COUPLE COMEDIES NIGGAS SAY WERE INFLUENTIAL?
YOU AIN'T NUTHIN, MOTHERFUCKER, WITH YOUR INTELLIGENT MOUSE,
NOW MOVE THE FUCK OVER FOR PG WODEHOUSE.

I WAS WRITING COMIC FICTION WHILE YOUR GRANNY SUCKED MY DICK
JEEVES AND PSMITH AND BLANDINGS ALL UP IN MY SCHTICK
BITCHES LAPPED THAT SHIT UP, BOUGHT ALL MY JOINTS REAL QUICK
THEN TAKE THEM HOME AND READ THEM, WHILE THEY HAD A LITTLE SCHLICK.

FUCK THEM PLAYA HATERS, SAY I'M OLD AND PAST MY PRIME
MOTHERFUCKER, YOU EVER BEEN ACCUSED OF COMMITTING A WAR CRIME?
FUCK YOU DOUGIE ADAMS, FUCK YOU AND YOUR MUM
TIME TO GET YOUR COAT, COS THIS HOOD NOW BELONGS TO PLUM.

FUCK YOU O.G. MOTHERFUCKERS, IT'S TIME FOR THE P.G. IN THE HIZZY, MAKE SOME NOISE MOTHERFUCKERS.

HEY YO IT'S FIRST NAME JOSEPH, SECOND NAME HELLER
SO JUST SETTLE DOWN, BROSEPH, BE SILENT LIKE HELLEN KELLER

I FLEW 60 COMBAT MISSIONS
WHILE YOU SUCKAS WERE MERELY DISSIN'
THEN I WAS TEACHIN AT PENN STATE
WHILE Y'ALL WAS JUST LEARNIN' TO MASTURBATE

YOU SUCKAS EVER HEARD OF SOMETHIN' CALLED CATCH-22?
I MADE THAT SHIT IN MY SPARE TIME, LIKE A LEGENDARY HOME-BREW

HATERS SAY THAT'S A WORK THAT I'VE NEVER EQUALLED
AT LEAST I AIN'T NO HERBERT, PUSHIN OUT SHITTY SEQUELS

I ADMIT, I TRIED A BIT TO RECREATE THAT EARLY MAGIC
BUT THEY SAY, "NOTHING HAPPENED"
YO, THEM REVIEWERS ARE FUCKIN' TRAGIC

MY SHIT'S ALWAYS IN PRINT, WITH COVERS SAYIN "MODERN CLASSICS"
I WAS LIVIN ON THAT FOR YEARS, STILL GETTIN TONS OF CASH BRICKS

SO Y'ALL CAN STEP OFF ME CUZ I DIRECTED THE PEOPLE'S EYES
TO SEE THE FOLLY OF BEAUROCRACIES BOTH MILITARY AND OTHERWISE

>>1997537

WHATTUP CUZ, TERRY PRATCHETT HERE, KEEPING IT REAL
YALL FORGOT ME KNOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL

I GOT LIKE 35 BOOKS ALL ARRANGED IN JUST ONE SERIES
GOT ADAPTIONS BEING MADE FOR THE STAGE AND THE T.V'S

GOT THAT CRYSTAL GLASS, GOT THAT PRESTIGE CLASS
GOT ALZHIEMERS AND STILL WRITING MORE BOOKS THAN YOUR ASS

SCRATCHIN DISCS IN THE CLUB, WRITING DISCS SHOW ME LOVE, STAY BLACK WILTSHIRE GOT THAT COUNTRYSIDE BEAT IN MY BLOOD
PEACE

>>1994856
Joyce didn't really live in Ireland for most of the time. Otherwise a good one.

>>1998399
I saw a better one once

FUCK SHEEN MY DRUG USE PUTS ALL TO SHAME
COMPARED TO ME, WINEHOUSE LOOKED TAME
INGESTED DRUGS AT SUCH A HIGH DOSE
FUCKING GONZO JOURNALISM - I INVENTED THAT PROSE

HATED NIXON ALWAYS UP TO HIS TRICKS AND
TURNING THE NATION STUPID
AFTER A LIFE OF DRUGS AND HARD LIQUOR CHUGS
MY MIND WAS FAR FROM LUCID

SENT MANY FOLK ON A VEGAS PILGRIMAGE
JOHNNY DEPP TRIED TO CAPTURE MY IMAGE
A GIANT PEYOTE STATUE IS MY MO'FUCKIN TOMB
I SPREAD MY BRAINS ALL OVER THE ROOM

MY STYLE IS JOURNALISTIC
MY TRIPS UNREALISTIC
BEST BE HATING-YOU KNOW NOTHING OF DRUGS SON
THATS RIGHT- IM HUNTER MOTHERFUCKING THOMPSON

>>1998774

YO THIS GOES OUT TO ALL MY HOMIES AND MY PHILOSOPHICREW
I'VE BEEN BUSTIN' RHYMES SINCE BEFORE WORLD WAR TWO

I'M A HARD HITTIN NIGGA AND MY NAME IS JEAN-PAUL
I'VE GOT MORE INFLUENCE THAN THAT PUSSY DE GAULLE

EXISTENTIALISM THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY MY THING
AUTHENTIC BEING YO NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL BLING-BLING

I'VE BEEN BUSTIN NUTS ON SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR SINCE NINETEEN TWENTY-NINE
DAMN I NEVER SEEN A BITCH SO FINE

I AINT MARRYIN' IT'S A BOURGEOUIS INSTITUTE
BUT ALL THE SAME YOU CAN BE SURE I'M A SEX-BRUTE

CAMUS CAN SUCK A DICK HIS SHIT IS JUST ABSURD
ALL MY IDEAS COMPLETELY SERVED THAT NERD

WHENEVER I AINT THINKIN' BOUT THE HELL OF LES AUTRES
THAT'S WHEN YOU CAN FIND ME HANGIN' WITH MY SOCIALIST COMPADRES

Y'ALL HATIN' SUCKAS BETTER GET OFF MY CASE
YOUR THINKIN AIN'T SHIT, I'M HEADIN BACK TO MAINBASE
PEACE

>>1998777

hurf dorf

>>1998791

own'd

The shit out of this thread needeth be archived.

>I SHOVED FOURTEEN FUCKING INCHES INTO VERLAINE'S BOWELS
>AND I STILL COULD FIND THE TIME TO COLORIZE THE VOWELS

HAHAHA, OH WOW

This thread would be neat if any of you were witty

>>1998857
show us your wit oh great one..
and ya, ive been trying, im horrible at this shit however. i cannot do justice to heinlein or hubert.

>>1998857
You probably think that was an intelligent comment, don't you?

You are the worst kind of asshole.

...Why the fuck was my Zamyatin rap deleted.

http://chanarchive.org-forward slash-requests
GO

WHO SHOT J.R.R......TOLKIEN, ONLY JOKIN
I TOKE GUN SMOKE AND DODGE BULLETS BUT YA CHOKIN

CHOKIN ON THE ELVISH PHRASES THAT I WORKED SO HARD ON
ON THE EPIC TRILOGY I WENT THE WHOLE NINE YARDS ON

GET YA GUARD ON IM HERE LIKE ITS THE BASE OF MT. DOOM
AIM CLICK BOOM MUTHAFUCKER ILL CLEAR THE ROOM OF YOU SUCKAS THEN PUT PETER JACKSON IN TRACTION FOR THE INFRACTIONS HIS SCREEN ADAPTIONS HAVE MADE
YOU SHALL NOT PASS AND YOU SHOULD HAVE NOT GOT PAID

YOULL NEED THE ONE RING TO GET PAST MY GLOCK SHOT STRAIGHT AT YA COCK NOT MUCH CAN TOP THE GRASP OF WORDS THAT I GOT
SIR BUSTACAPALOT WITH THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF THE MYTHIC FANTASY WORLD
AINT NO HALF NAKED GIRLS WITH LEIA CURLS
AINT NO MANA POINTS OR SCROLLS TO UNFURL
AINT NO MONTHLY FEES IN MY BUSINESS EXCEPT FROM THE HO'S THAT I PIMP
BEEN COPIED A FEW TIMES BUT I DONT WALK WITH A LIMP
AINT NO CRIMINAL SCUM BUT IM A STOP RIGHT THERE
PIPE WEED FROM THE SHIRE AND IT NEEDS TO BE AIRED

Read through the whole thread and enjoyed every minute of it.

But I didn't see a Burroughs one!

BEST CHECK YOSELF CAUSE IT'S VLADIMIR NABOKOV
YALL CAN'T PLEASE REAL WOMEN, I CAN GET LITTLE GIRLS OFF
BEFORE THEY PUBESCENT WITH THEIR CUTE NASCENT DICTION
MY MULTILINGUAL PUNS AND MY VAST ERUDITION
CHECK JUST ONE OF MY STORIES, THE VERY LAST PARAGRAPH
FIRST LETTER EACH WORD, IT'LL SPELL OUT YOUR DEATH
I'M THE MASTER OF FORM, HERE TO SHOW YOU YOUR FEARS
THAT TRICK I JUST PULLED, JUST ONCE IN A HUNDRED YEARS
I FLY LIKE A BUTTERFLY MY STEED OF THE DEED
I BUT A POEM IN A NOVEL SO YOU CAN READ WHILE YOU READ
CHESS MASTER OF PROSE WITH MY PAL LUZHIN'S DEFENSE
WROTE IN TWO TONGUES AND IN EACH ONE INTENSE
CROSS ME JUST ONCE AND I'LL MAKE YA BEND SINISTER
AND I'LL FUCK UP YOU MOM AND I WON'T EVEN KISS HER
THAT'S RIGHT I'M V.N. AND I'M HAILIN FROM RUSSIA
WHEN IT COMES TO THE WORD I'M IMPERIAL LIKE PRUSSIA

>>1999064

Camus was Algerian.

holyshitthisisawesome

>>1997514
Written-down rap lyrics rarely have regular meter. While virtually all rap is based around a 4/4 beat, rhythm in the language is achieved through patterns of inflection and cadence that are often highly variable within a single song. This is also greatly affected by the rapper's "flow," a somewhat subjective term rap enthusiasts use to refer to a variety of characteristics of an individual's delivery of their lyrics. While with many lyrics, like the stuff ITT, it's quite easy to figure out on one or two readings where the beats are, more advanced lyrics can seem formless and arrhythmic on paper. Rap is, after all, a spoken artform, not a written one.

ENTER THE BOOK CLUB (36 AUTHORS)

>Tao Lin self-promoting, in the O Book Club style? If what you say is true, then Tao Lin and the Oprah Book Club could be dangerous! Do you think your Oprah Club can defeat me?

>En garde, I'll let you try me OPRAH STYLE

BRING DA MUTHAFUCKIN BOOK CLUB
BRING DA MUTHAFUCKIN OPRAH
BRING DA MUTHAFUCKIN FRANZEN
MUTHAFUCKIN DEEPAK CHOPRA

AIN'T NO MO O.D.B.----DIRT MCGURT R.I.P.---
SO YOU WANNA BE A GANSTA GOTTA JOIN THE O.B.C.
WHAT DOES THAT STAND FOR? DON'T LOSE YO WEAVE:
IT'S THE OPRAH BOOK CLUB AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE
IT'S A MUTHAFUCKIN CLUB--THE KIND THAT HITS YOU ON YO HEAD, MAN.
SMACK A PAPERBACK "BELOVED" UPSIDE YO FACE, STEADMAN

MUTHAFUCKIN' OPRAH HAS A BLAST AS SHE HYPES PROSE,
FIRST, INSIPID CHICK LIT THAT'S NOW UBIQUITOUS (CHRIST KNOWS)
LIKE JACQUELINE MITCHARD, OR URSULA MUTHAFUCKIN HEGI
WITH A NOVEL THAT PLAGIARIZED GUNTER GRASS, VAGUELY?
OR "THE HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG", WITH A MOVIE VERSION
YOU'LL LOVE IT IF YOU'RE A REALTOR OR ARE PERSIAN.

IF THAT'S ALL TOO WALMART, AND YOU WANT SOMETHING ARTY
OPRAH BRING THE MUTHAFUCKIN CORMAC MCCARTHY
DRAG HIM LIKE LESTER OUT OF HIS CAVE FIND OUT HE'S MODEST AND GRAVE
TOO SHY, TOO DRY, NEED SOMETHING MORE FLY
THEN WATCH OPRAH SNORT COKE OFF THE COCK OF JAMES FREY!

AW SHIT OPRAH BOOK CLUB SELLIN ALL DAT FICTION
SHE HAS SHOVELLED MORE SHIT THAN RICHARD M NIXON
BOOSTIN' SALES FOR BOOKS ABOUT FAT GIRLS AND WHALES,
EVERY MUTHAFUCKIN BOOK GOT SOMETHIN' DOPE IN IT:
ILLITERATE NAZI PEDO LADY PLAYED BY KATE WINSLET,
SO WE BRING OVER 9,000 PARTY VANS IN
AND THEN WE HAVE DINNER WITH THE MUTHAFUCKIN FRANZEN!

I RIP IT MIDDLEBROW---LIKE A BIG BROWN COW,
BROWSING AS I'M DROWSING, I'M PERUSING IT NOW,
FUCK FRANZEN. I DON'T NEED HIM.
HE CAN WIPE HIS ASS WITH "FREEDOM".
CAUSE HIS INSANE WORDS
WOULD BE REMAINDERED
WITH NOBODY TO READ EM

SO LET MY OPRAH BOOK CLUB
BRINGS MY WU TANG CLANS IN
AND WATCH OPRAH GET MEDIEVAL ON THE ASS OF FRANZEN

>>1999247
well then why don't you demonstrate for us and post a vocaroo, oh master of 'spoken art'.

>>1999239
White French Algerian, spent most of his adult life in France.

>>1999052
Dat internal rhyme...

>ITT: Mostly just people who don't understand rhythm/meter

>>1999768

Uh, no, it's people who are accurately following the metrical and rhyme schemes / expectations for hip-hop.

Blaming hip-hop for using half-rhyme is like blaming Emily Dickinson for using it. I admit hip-hop meter is usually godawful, in the manner of McGonnagall or Julia A. Moore, but a lot of the clunk is covered up in performance.

But saying that people who are trying to imitate hip-hop "don't understand rhyme and meter" (in the Popean sense) is like saying that somebody who has written a villanelle is "repetitive". You're applying the wrong aesthetic criterion altogether.

>>1994758
I will post this reddit just because you said that

>>1995273
archive the damn thread you plebeians

>>1999812

I tried to vote yesterday evening and it already had enough votes to be archived.

If it's going to be archived, let's at least fill it up with some more content. 145 posts to bump limit.

YOU GOT COMIC WIT TO SPARE? YOU GOT CHRONIC TO BURN?
THEN JUST LISTEN TO THESE LYRICS LAID BY DJ LAURENCE STERNE,
WHOSE TURNTABLES TAKE YOU ON A SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY
WHOSE STRAIGHT LINE SWIRLS WITH CURLICUES AND WHEELS ROUND LIKE A GURNEY
AS I NARRATE HOW MY PROCREATING PARENTS HAD BEGOTTEN ME:
DR JOHNSON SAID THE WORLD WOULD HAVE FORGOTTEN ME----
BUT THE WORLD'S STILL RANDY FOR MY TRISTRAM SHANDY
ALAS POOR YORICK! AND THE PAGE IS BLANK
BUT THERE'S NO PROSE COMEDIAN COMES NEAR MY RANK
I'M IRONIC MASTER, AND AN ANGLICAN PASTOR,
AND I LIKE THE WAY THAT THINGS MOVE FASTER IN FRANCE,
I LIKE THE WAY THEIR LADIES WANNA GET IN YOUR PANTS,
WIDOW WADMAN WONDERS WHERE? LIKE TOBY SAID TO HER:
"YOU CAN SUCK WHERE I WAS WOUNDED AT THE SEIGE OF NAMUR."

This thread made me smile, however meaningless it is.

I think that, since this is already archived, we should keep bumping it so that we can get more new content.

Bamp.

CHECK YA FUCKIN BROW FOR WORRIED FURROWS
PREPARE YOUR ASSHOLE HERE COMES WILLY BURROUGHS
FROM THE USA TO MEXICO RIGHT DOWN TO TANGIER
WHEN I BE KICKIN YOU WISH YOU ANYWHERE BUT HERE
I BE DIRTY AS THAT BASTARD MY STYLE AIN'T CLEAN
WHEN I'M FINISHED YOULL BE NEEDING SOME APOMORPHINE
YOU COME TO ME TENSE DEEP KNOWLEDGE YOU SEEK
YOU GET NONE FROM ME SON I CUT UP YOUR TECHNIQUE
APPLY IT TO MY STYLE YOUR LANGUAGE IS MY TOY
WHEN IM FINISHED FOR KICKS I GO HANG A GINGER BOY
PEACE

I just killed Harold Bloom with my big fucking cock

>>2000379
I was waiting for this one.

Fuck, these are all even more amazing when you read them in the authors voice.

THE BONES OF MY VICTIMS IS NEVER GONNA FILL ME
MOTHERFUCKER, EVEN THE SPANISH CIVIL WAR COULDN’T KILL ME
I’M FEARED AND REVERED BY RAPPERS EVERYWHERE
WHAT’S MY NAME SUCKA? ERIC ARTHUR BLAIR

BUT YOU MIGHT KNOW ME BETTER BY PSEUDONYM
GEORGE ORWELL FAGGOT, EVER HEARD OF HIM?
I’M A MASTER OF PROSE AND NOW A MASTER OF RHYME
WHEN I’M NOT BLASTING HOES I’M COMMITTING THOUGHTCRIME

I GET MAD PROPS FROM MY SISTAS AND BROTHAS
CALL ME A PIG CAUSE I’M MORE EQUAL THAN THE OTHAS
DON’T NEED THE MINISTRY OF TRUTH TO KNOW THAT I’M THE BEST
BECAUSE WHEN I FINISH FAGGOTS OFF I LET BIG BROTHER TAKE THE REST

I WON’T WORK HARDER TO BEAT YOU BECAUSE I WON’T NEED TO
TWO LEGS AND YOU’RE MY ENEMY AND MY DICK IS ALL I’LL FEED YOU
I SPOUT RHYMES LIKE I’M A MOTHERFUCKING FOUNTAIN
AND I WON’T THINK TWICE SENDING YOU TO SUGARCANDY MOUNTAIN

AIN’T NO ONE ALIVE WHO GIVES MORE HELL THAN ORWELL
YOU WON’T MAKE IT TO ’85 IF YOU’RE UNABLE TO TELL
THAT I’M THE MAN WITH DICK OF THE GREATEST LENGTH
THE REASON THAT I’M DOPE IS THAT IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
CALL ME EMILY DICKINSON CAUSE NOBODY FUCKS ME
AND NOW HERE’S A WORD FROM MY HOMEBOY HUXLEY

>>2000387
AIN’T A FUCKER ALIVE DOES MORE DRUGS THAN ME
CAUSE WHEN I’M NOT SMOKIN FAGGOTS I’M HITTIN LSD
I’M EYELESS IN GAZA AND PEERLESS IN RAP
I’VE READ THIS FUCKING THREAD AND NOW IT’S TIME TO CUT THE CRAP

FUCK ALL Y’ALL FAGGOTS, TAKE ALL THE SOMA YOU LIKE
AIN’T NO ONE SAFE WITH ALDOUS ON THE MIC
YOU THINK THAT YOU’RE ALPHA? I INVENTED THAT SHIT
YOU’RE BETA AND DELTA AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN FIT
TO SUCK THE SEMEN OUT MY DICK, SO CUT THE SELF-DECEPTION
BEFORE I KICK YOU OUT OF THE DOORS OF PERCETPTION

YEAH IT’S A BRAVE NEW WORLD AND I’M THE CREAM OF THE CROP
YOU STILL BELIEVE IN JESUS? WELL IT’S TIME FOR THAT TO STOP
I’M THE HIP HOP MESSIAH HERE TO WEED OUT HOMOS
STEP UP TO ME AND TAKE A SHOT TO THE DOME, YO
BECAUSE WHEN I’M ON THE MIC IT GETS AS QUIET AS A MOUSE
SO MAKE LIKE A SAVAGE TRAPPED IN A LIGHTHOUSE
AND KILL YOURSELF FAGGOT, ALL YOUR POINTS’VE BEEN COUNTERED
GOT YOURSELF A BITCH? WELL IT’S TIME FOR ME TO MOUNT HER

I’M THE BADDEST MC ANY FAGGOT’S EVER SEEN
GO AND DROP ACID IF YOU WANNA KNOW HOW I’VE BEEN
CAUSE I’M YOUR BOY ALDOUS, BEST BE LOYAL TO ME
NOW I’M OFF TO SEE MORRISON HE OWES ME A ROYALTY

Well, hot damn.
/lit/ delivars.
MOAR.

>>2000388
Oh my god. I'm dying.

>>2000388

huxley the creator

brave new future kill them all

I HEARD THAT FAGGOT NIGGA SCREAMING "WOLF GANG, WOLF GANG"
BUT JACK LONDON FUCKED HIS MOTHER WITH THAT "PIMP CANE, PIMP CANE"

I'M FEROCIOUS; LICK MY DICK
WILD BITCHES BITE MY CHICK-O-STICK
WHILE I CHECK YO ASS FOR TICKS
I'M DOCUMENTING YUKON HICKS

HOLD UP!

NOW I'M ABOUT TO CUM
GIVE ME A RAG, MY HAT, AND A SWIG OF RUM.
SHE GOING LOUD FOR MY SEMEN LIKE A RED'S WAR DRUM
HERE COMES THAT SEA-WOLF, BABY.
OPEN UP FOR SOME

This thread, its filled with stars

>>2000388
>>2000387
FUUUUUUCK

>>2000418
oh my god

Someone archive this shit.

>>2000418
>I HEARD THAT FAGGOT NIGGA SCREAMING "WOLF GANG, WOLF GANG"
>BUT JACK LONDON FUCKED HIS MOTHER WITH THAT "PIMP CANE, PIMP CANE"

holy shit. holy shit, you guys.

PISS ON THOSE MUTHAFUCKAS CAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE GETTING BORED
YOU OUGHTTA MEET THE MAN WHO'LL MAKE YOU SAY "MY LORD"

IT'S IRONIC SOMETHING CHRONIC
YOU COULD EVEN SAY BYRONIC
(AN ADJECTIVE THAT STILL MUST LIVE AS SURELY AS "MILTONIC")
THAT THE SUPERSONIC COMET THAT WAS MY WORLDWIDE FAME
(SECOND ONLY TO NAPOLEON AS A ROMANTIC NAME)
SHOULD EVER FADE AWAY OR SHOULD EVER SEEM A FAD
CAUSE I'M STILL MAD
AND BAD
AND DANGEROUS TO KNOW
I STILL GLOWER LIKE THE GIAOUR
AND LAUGH WITH BEPPO, YO
I HAD WINCEST WITH MY SISTER
AND YOU KNOW I MORE THAN KISSED HER
WROTE SOME CANTOS FOR DON JUAN
EVERY NIGHT I WROTE A NEW ONE
WHEN I CAME HOME DRUNK
WITH A LADY OR A PUNK
CAUSE MY VERSE WAS DOPE BUT MY LIFE WAS CRUNK

YEAH THEN I LIBERATED GREECE FROM THE OTTOMAN:
KISS MY ASS, MUTHAFUCKAS, TELL ME: WHAT HAVE *YOU* DONE?

This thread made me jizz my pants. Holy shit.

BITCHES DROP THEM PANTIES FOR ME, I’M TIM O’BRIEN
NIGGA YOU AIN’T GOT GAME, FRONTIN’, BE LYIN’
CAME BACK FROM GETTIN’ SHOT IN VIETNAM
NOW RAPPIN’ AND DROPPIN’ DEM BOMBS
FUCK MODERNISM THAT SHITS WHACK
ROLL WIT POST MODERNISM OR GET IN THE BACK
CAUSE MODERNIST AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME
HEMINGWAY AND FAULKNER CAN SUCK ON DEEZ
FITGERALD GET FUCKED, I’M THE GREATEST GATSBY
PULL OUT MY TEK-9 AND GO OUT ON SHOOTIN’ SPREE
NAH FUCK THAT I ROLL WITH AN M FOUR
KEEP IT REAL FOR THE HOMIE LOST IN THE WAR
HE DIED IN A WARZONE, DROPPED BY A MINE
I FUCKED HIS OLD LADY AND DRANK HIS WINE
FUCK THAT CACCIATO PUNK RUNNIN SCARED
WHEN I FIND HIS ASS, HE AIN’T BEIN’ SPARED
BUT MAN FUCK THAT CAUSE I TEACH AT TEXAS STATE
KEEP IT REAL, POP YOU WITH A NINE IF YOU LATE

we run out of good authors or something?

I'M THE MASTER OF THE EPIC AND I'LL SEND YA TO A COMA
I KNOW YA HEARD MAH NAME-- I'M THE ONLY OG GANGSTA, ALSO KNOWN AS HOMER
I SEEN THAT BITCH'S FACE WHO LAUNCHED TEN THOUSAND SHIPS
I EVEN STUCK MY DICK RIGHT BETWEEN THAT BITCH'S LIPS
EVEN THOUGH I'M BLIND I COULD DESCRIBE
ALL THE SEAS WHICH MEN DO RIDE,
YA KNOW HOW I DO, YA KNOW MY VIBE,
BUT INSIDE ALL MY SHIT'S THE DIRTY METAPHORS
LASTIN 20 LINES SO I CAN SETTLE ALL THE SCORES.
I RECORDED ALL THE HISTORY AND ADD A BIT OF MYTH
WHATCHU KNOW BOUT DAT SON? IT'S JUST THE WAY I SPIT,
IT AIN'T A GAME MOTHAFUCKAS THIS THA TRAGIC AND SUBLIME,
ODYSSEUS WAS ONLY MAN TIL I MADE HUBRIS A CRIME.
I SAW TROY FALL AND DEPICTED ALL THE FORCES,
YOU BITCHES WOULDN'T KNOW DRAMA IF I HADN'T PUT IT THROUGH ITS COURSES,
OLD SCHOOL LIKE THE ACADEMIES
BEFORE THERE WAS EVEN SOCRATES!

WORD TO YOUR MOM'S BITCH.
SHOUT OUT TO AGAMEMNON, ACHILLES, ALL MY KING PIMPS AND NIGGAS ROUND TROY. PEACE!

>>2000472

Original gangsta gangsta

YEAH, I'M LATE TO THE PARTY,
SO WHAT? I APPEAR AT THEM HARDLY.
YO, MY NAME'S HARPER LEE AND I'M IN ON THIS SHIT
LIKE THAT FUCKIN BOB EWELL, YOUR REALLY JUST A TWIT
I MAY NEVER HINT THAT BOO'S GOT GRIT, THAT HE'S AS HEROIC AS ATTICUS FINCH,
BY Y'ALL HEARD I'M FROM THE SOUTH,
BUT NO RACIST SHIT'S COME OUTTA MY MOUTH.
I JUST LIKE TO SIT BACK AND TELL EM,
BOUT A TOMBOY NAMED SCOUT AND HER BROTHER JEM,

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME TO BRING THIS SHIT
EVER HAD A WORST NIGHTMARE? YOU BEST BELIEVE I'M IT
ALL YOU ELITIST LITTLE FUCKS CAN COME AND SUCK MY DICK
'CAUSE I'M RULING HALF THE WORLD WITH SELF-INDULGENT FAPFIC

THINK MY CHARACTERS ARE LAME AND TWO-DIMENSIONAL?
OR PERHAPS MY HALF-BAKED PLOTS ARE UNINTENTIONAL?
WELL CRY SOME MORE, FAGGOTS, THEY MAY BE MARY-SUE
BUT THEY SURE AS HELL GET A THOUSAND TIMES MORE PUSSY THAN YOU

I'M ROLLING IN THE DOLLARS LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
I'VE GOT SO MANY FANS I GOT COMPLIMENTARY DEGREE
YOU'RE ALL JUST FUCKING BUTTHURT, TRYING TO GET ME TO GROVEL
BECAUSE THEY EAT UP ALL MY BULLSHIT BUT WOULDN'T PUBLISH YOUR NOVEL

SO ALL YOU HATERS BETTER SHUT IT AND SIT THE FUCK BACK DOWN
BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO TROLLING LITERATURE I WEAR THE MOTHERFUCKING CROWN

I MAKE DIS SHIT
I RUN DIS HOUSE
UMBERTO MUTHAFUCKIN ECO
IS LOOKIN UP YA BLOUSE

I FUCK ALL DAY
AND THEN I THINK
I PONDER ABOUT GOD
AND WHY PUSSY STINK'

I'LL TIE YOU TO A PENDULUM
AND CUT YA BALLS OFF
AIN'T NOBODY GOT SHIT ON ME
NOT EVEN NABOKOV

ALL I WANT IS THAT BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY
GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE TILL IT'S RAW, RED, AND RUDY.
BALDWIN'S COCK IS COOL, BLACK, MEAN AND GOOEY
I LOVE FUCKING DUDES. YOU DON'T LIKE THAT? THEN SUE ME.

I FUCKED LANGSTON HUGHES IN HIS CARAMEL-COLORED ASSHOLE.
TRIED TO GO IN RAW, BUT IT ALL WAS A HASSLE.
WIPED THAT COCK DOWN WITH CREAMY AND FAST-O
THEN I GAVE HUGHES WHIP-LASH AS IF I WERE A LASSO

SO,
YOU THINK HARLEM IS A DOOZY?
YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT JAZZ, JIZZ AND FLOOZIES.
WHILE WHITE BOYS IS OUT THERE CHILLIN IN 'COOZIES'
I'M TEACHING BLACK FOLK TO GET TO START LOVIN' THE JEWZIES.

I'M A MAN OF DISTINCTION
CALLIN' ALL THE COPS FOR RACISM'S EXTINCTION
SO I'LL FUCK ANY DUDE WITH BLACK, WHITE OR CREAM SHINS.
TALK SHIT, AND I'LL GIVE YOU A LESION.

OP here. I haven't posted since Lovecraft, and I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you. Good job, guys. Goddamn good job.

Now let's keep it going!

>THINK MY CHARACTERS ARE LAME AND TWO-DIMENSIONAL?
>OR PERHAPS MY HALF-BAKED PLOTS ARE UNINTENTIONAL?
>WELL CRY SOME MORE, FAGGOTS, THEY MAY BE MARY-SUE
>BUT THEY SURE AS HELL GET A THOUSAND TIMES MORE PUSSY THAN YOU


FUUUUUUCK

>>2000522
holy freakin carp lois

YO NIGGA IM NANDO EL NIÑO REPPIN CFC
CROWD GOES MENTAL AT THE BRIDGE NO NEED TO WAIT JUST SEE
MY TOUCH JUST TOO HARDCORE DOWN FOR THE CLICKA
WHO DAT EMULATING ME? FUCKING RIP OFF

STEP IN THE FIELD I FEEL THA STRAIN'
NOW A HATTRICK AT OLD TRAFFOR FEEL THE PAIN

SO DON'T GET IN MY WAY BABY
BECAUSE THE HUERO LOCO CAME IN HERE TO PLAY BABY
MY SHIT WILL PUMP UP THIS JAM HOT DAM ITS THE BADDEST
DROGBA AND MYSELF NIGGA STEP INTO THE MADNESS

>>2000534
whatever. fucking go for it. i don't give a fuck. let's do this shit.

HELL HATH NO MOTHERFUCKING FURY LIKE A POETESS SCORNED,
MC SYLVIA PLATH HERE, WRITING SINCE I BEEN BORN.

PULLED MY HEAD OUT OF THE OVEN JUST TO CHECK OUT THIS THREAD,
BUT HELL WITH ALL THESE SHITTY RAPS, MAYBE I SHOULDA STAYED DEAD.

YOU FUCKERS THINK IT WAS YOUR WRITTEN WORD THAT GOT YOU SO FAR?
HELL NAW, YOU MOFOS COULDN'T RAP OR RHYME YOUR WAY OUT A BELL JAR.

PULL YOUR HEADS OUT YOUR ASSES, BITCHES, THROW OUT ALL YOUR INK PENS,
YOU KNOW YOUR SHIT ONLY GETS LOVED BECAUSE IT'S AUTHORED BY MEN

BOYS, I'M A PIONEER OF DEPRESSIONAL CONFESSIONAL POETRY,
MY RHYMES, THEY EXCEPTIONAL. ALL THEM FUCKERS AGREE.

THREE SUICIDE ATTEMPTS CAN'T HOLD BACK TALENT LIKE THIS--
YEAH, YOU KNOW ARIEL? BITCH, WROTE THAT UP WHILE TAKING A PISS.

YOU BOYS CAN WRITE YOUR SILLY NOVELS-- DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?
I'M MOTHERFUCKING SYLVIA PLATH, BITCHES - AND I EAT YOUR RHYMES LIKE AIR

MOTHERFUCKER STAY IGNORANT CUZ I SAY SO
THATS RIGHT BITCH THIS BE DAT NIGGA PLATO
DISCOURSAN AND SHIT CAN BE SO DAMN FREEIN
BUT SHUT YOUR MOUF CUZ U STRAIGHT PLEBEIAN
IMA UP N BAN YOUR SHITTY BOOKS CUZ NIGGA LOOK
THAT CRAP IS LESS REAL THAN THE DOOK I JUST TOOK
THRICE REMOVED .. MY VOCAB IS IN THE GROOVE
FUCKIN YOUNG'NS CUZ MY TONGUE BE SO SMOOTH
YOU READ THE REPUBLIC SO NOW YOU CAN SHUT IT
IM A CATAMITE, MOTHERFUCKER, AND I SHOVE IT
BUT IN THE MEAN TIME, THE IN BETWEEN TIMES
IMA TELL U MY PLAN WITH THIS DOPE ASS RHYME
MY END GAME IS A STRAIGHT DYSTOPIAN FASCIST STATE
OH SHIT I FOUND SOME SHOTTA ONLINE, TIME TO MASTERBATE
BITCH PLEASE. I INVENTED FUCKING PHILOSOPHY
AINT NO NIGGA COME OUT EVER COME CLOSE TO STOPPIN ME

>>2000538
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! holy shit holy shit! losing my fucking mind here

FLIP ONE DOUBLE FLICK THE BASS AND CAUSE TROUBLE
I'M HIPSTER DAD AND I'LL REDUCE YOUR RHYMES TO RUBBLE

SON I'LL FUCK YOUR GIRLFRIENDS UP IN THEY BOOTY
YOUR WORK'S NOT A OF SERIOUS NATURE - THAT SHIT'S TOOTY FRUITY

I'VE READ YOUR BOOKS AND THAT SHIT IS STALE
THEY AREN'T DENSE AT ALL - HEY I SEE YOU TURNIN' PALE

SO ROCK THE BEATS YOU KNOW I'M THE BEST
CHECK THESE TALES THIS SHIT'S KAFKAESQUE

btw, nobody needs to post in any other threads.
/lit/ needs to become /litbattlerap/

>>2000491
YO HOLD UP BITCH, YOU BEST QUIT YAPPIN YOUR JAWS,
ALL YOU DONE SINCE THAT BOOK IS GO THROUGH THE MENOPAUSE
AND ANYWAY WE ALL KNOW I REALLY WROTE THAT SHIT
YOU JUST A BITER, A LIL' ALABAMAN NITWIT

WE MIGHTA DONE A LITTLE RESEARCH TOGETHER IN THE SIXTIES,
BUT WHO'S THE ONE THAT THE BITCHES ASK, " CAN I SUCK YO DICK, T?"

I BEEN WRITIN LIKE A MUFUCKA SINCE I WAS IN SIXTH GRADE
WHILE YOU WERE SITTIN ON YOUR DADDY'S PORCH, SUCKIN LEMONADE

I HUNG WITH WARHOL, HE JIZZED WHEN HE SAW MY PORTRAIT
AGAINST MY NEAR-PERFECT RECALL ALL OTHERS OUGHTA JUST FORFEIT

YEAH I'M GAY AND IN THE CIRCLES I TRAVEL I'M A KNOWN STUD
STEP TO ME AND I'LL OPEN UP YA HEAD IN COLD BLOOD

DAMN, TRUE CRIME, PROSTITUTES AND AUTOBIOGRAPHY
Y'ALL BETTER JUST KNEEL AT THE FEET OF LORD CAPOTE

>>2000560
Holy shit

I. KANT BELIEVE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS THINK YOU'RE ALL HOT STUFF,
HA, SEE WHAT I JUST DID THERE? YEAH, WE PHILOSOPHERS PLAY ROUGH.

I KNOW, YOU FUCKERS WISH YOUR WORK COULD HOLD A CANDLE TO MINE,
BUT YOUR POOR BRAINS CAN'T GRASP THE THOUGHTS I'VE THOUGHT--THAT SHIT IS SUBLIME.

Y'ALL SOME PHENOMENAL EXAMPLES OF SOME BITCHES AND HOES,
AIN'T NEVER KNEW A GODDAMN THING 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T NEVER DARED TO KNOW.

LET ME ENGLIGHTEN YOU: I'M THE FRESHEST, BADDEST THING OUT OF PRUSSIA
WITH EYES SO KEEN AND WIT SO SHARP THEY MIGHT JUST REACH OUT AND CUT YA,

MY PHILOSOPHIES ON PERCEPTION-- ALL AMAZING. NO EXCEPTIONS.
THEY'LL BLOW YOUR MIND, LIKE THE VERY FIRST TIME YOU WENT TO SEE 'INCEPTION'.

CRITIQUING PURE REASON WITH MY LEFT HAND, PLEASIN PUSSIES WITH THE RIGHT.
GAVE THE MATTER SOME THOUGHT, AND IT'S OBVIOUS THAT THE THING-IN-ITSELF IS TIGHT.

WANNA TALK EPISTEMOLOGY? I'M YOUR MAN, YOU BITCHES KNOW THERE AIN'T NO OTHER:
ANALYTICALLY I'M A BADASS-- OH, AND I'M FUCKING YOUR MOTHER.

>>2000568
<3333333333

No Dickens?

>>2000591
No Dickens.

>>1997286
GLORIOUS

HIDE YOUR LATINA WIVES CUZ MY NAME IS KEROUAC
IT DONT MATTER SHES YOUR WIFE, ILL HIT HER IN THE SACK
EXCEPT FOR MY BUDDY DEAN
CUZ I LIKE TO SUCK HIS PEEN

I TRAVELED ROUND THE STATES
WHILE MY FRIENDS ALL MASTURBATE
IN THE BACK OF THE CAR
LISTENIN TO JAZZ AND HOPPIN BARS

WHEN I'M ON THE ROAD
MY RHYMES CAN GO FOR MILES

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?
WILL THE REAL SMITH ZADIE PLEASE STAND UP?
I REPEAT
WILL THE REAL SMITH ZADIE PLEASE STAND UP?

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM HERE....

Y'ALL ACT LIKE YOU NEVER SEEN NO "WHITE TEETH" BEFORE,
AUTOGRAPH MAN AT THE DOOR,
LIKE YOU'D GROWN UP POOR
LIKE YOU DIDN'T TO CAMBRIDGE AND THEN PUBLISH YOUR
THREE NAVELGAZING NOVELS, SO LOVELY, TO CULTURAL ACCLAIM
OR MULTICULTURAL ANYWAY, WHICH IS MUCH THE SAME,
BUT BRINGS A LARGER MEASURE OF TRANSATLANTIC FAME.
I'M LIKE THE RETURN OF---
WAIT?
HAVE I GOT A FOURTH BOOK IN?
I'M TEACHING NOW IN BROOKLYN
AND BITCHING IN MY ARTICLES FOR THE N.Y.R.B.
"MARK ZUCKERBERG SUCKS, HEE HEE!"
AND I WONDER IF MARTIN AMIS THINKS I'M MONICA ALI?
BUT FAUX-AMIS ARE ALWAYS GONNA FOLLOW ME,
I MOVE TO BROOKLYN LIKE THE BECKHAMS AND THEN AMIS FUCKING FOLLOWS ME,
IT'S CAUSE HE WANTS TO BE
ON THE BOOTY
THAT WROTE "ON BEAUTY"---
I WANT IT KISSED,
I WANT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT I'M A DECENT NOVELIST
WHY? SO YOU BITCHES CAN PUT ME ON YOUR GRANTA UNDER-40 LIST?
WHY?
CAUSE
I'M SMITH, ZADIE
YES I'M THE REAL ZADIE
ALL YOU OTHER SMITH ZADIES
ARE JUST IMITATING
SO WON'T THE REAL SMITH ZADIE
PLEASE STAND UP?
PLEASE STAND UP?
PLEASE STAND UP?

>>2000608
i am dying

SHIT, SINCE ALL YOU BITCHES IS DONE
NOW ITS TIME TO HAVE SOME FUN
AND EXPLAIN TO ALL YOU LITTLE CHANNERS
WHERE THE FUCK YOU CAME FROM

IM THE MAN WHO CREATED YALL
BALLIN, TOSSIN MY RED CAP IN THE AIR

YOU WISHIN THAT YOU WERE UNDERSTOOD
BUT NO ONE'S LISTENING
THATS UNDERSTOOD
CAUSE YOU A LITTLE BITCH, AND I GOT ALL THIS SHIT
STRAIGHT UP, UNDER CONTROL

YOUR BIRTH, LIKE A CAROUSEL

I CAN HEAR THESE LITERARY BITCHES ALREADY
TOSSIN OUT STAKES ABOUT THE PROMISE
OF PROSE AND DIGNITY AND IRONICS

BUT HAVE ANY OF YOU CONVINCED A MAN TO KILL
A MOTHER FUCKING REAGAN

OH SHIT THERE IT GOES

DOWN YOUR THROAT
YEAH THATS RIGHT
YOU'RE JUST A BUNCH OF HO'S

Is it weird that I read all of these in Ghostface Killah's voice?

>>2000632
I think it would be weird to do it another other way...

except of course, I read hemmingways in ODB's voice. Because you know, hemmingway was the rich white ODB... also lord byron.

BACK DOWN ALL Y'ALL IT'S TIME FOR RETRIBUTION
COS THE MASTER IS HERE AND HIS RHYMES ARE CONFUCIAN
SO ALL YOU NIGGAS COOL IT I GOT THE WISDOM OF THE AGES
IMMA STEP IN SHOW YOU WHAT THE WAY OF A SAGE IS
SEE I WAS SCHOOLING NIGGAS WAY BACK BEFORE JESUS
HAD ORIENTAL BITCHES SCREAMING 'OH HE KNOW HOW TO PLEASE US'
BENEVOLENCE
REVERENCE
AND JUST A TOUCH OF ELEGANCE
YEAH, IN OTHER WORDS FOOLS I'M STYLING ON YOU
YOUR RHYMES ARE KARATE WHILE MY SHIT IS KUNG-FU
AND I KNOW YOU'VE SEEN MY TEMPLES- YEAH, I GUESS I GOT MY FANS
THEM BITCHES JUST RESPECTING THE SUPERIOR MAN

PEACE
AND TREAT YOUR MOTHER RIGHT, YOU DIG?

>>2000800
THE WAY THAT CAN BE TOLD IS NOT THE UNCHANGING WAY, FOOL
THE NAMES THAT CAN BE NAMED ARE NOT THE UNCHANGING NAMES
"OH SHIT NIGGAS IS HE JUST TRYIN' TO CONFUSE US?"
YEAH IT'S LAOZI IN THE HOUSE NOW, SCHOOLIN' CONFUCIUS
BEST STEP BACK ALL YOU BITCHES COS YOU KNOW THAT I'M RUTHLESS
LIKE HEAVEN AND EARTH- AND Y'ALL ARE JUST STRAW DOGS
SO BE LIKE WATER- YIELD- TAKE THE PATH OF INACTION
IF I SEE ONE OF YOU STRIVING I'LL PUT YOU IN TRACTION
YEAH MY WAY IS SUPREME, MAN, IT CAN'T BE DEFINED
BUT I JUST TOLD YOU IT- OH SHIT DID THAT BLOW YOUR MINDS?
WELL I DIDN'T MEAN TO CAUSE A KERFUFFLE
SO I'LL JUST HEAD WEST ON THIS OLD WATER BUFFAL
-OH

>>2000632
>>2000639
INTRODUCING THE HEN...RY... MILLEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!

MY READERS ARE YOU WITH ME, WHERE YOU AT?
IN THE FRONT, IN THE BACK
NOVELISTS ON ATTACK

WORD, LET ME DROP SOME CRITICISM ON YOU FAKERS
MY BIBLIOGRAPHY CONSISTS OF ONLY THE MOST EXCITING PAPERS
THE HEAT FROM MY FUSION OF STYLES WILL REDUCE Y'ALL TO VAPORS
MY STYLE CAN MOVE THE EARTH LIKE M'A'FUCKIN LANDSCAPERS

SOME BITCHES DON'T LIKE MY DEPICTIONS OF FEMALE CHARACTERS
THEY ALL BEST STEP OFF, STOP OBJECTIN' LIKE A BARRISTER
JUST 'CAUSE OF MY STORIES, YOU THINK I'M SEXIST?
YOU DON'T KNOW ME
YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO HAVE READ SEXUS, PLEXUS, OR NEXUS

PENS DOWN, OR I'LL STICK YOU IN SOME AIR-CONDITIONED NIGHTMARE
AND NOBODY WILL EVER READ THE SCRIBBLES THAT YOU MAKE THERE
OH WAIT, THAT'S NO DIFFERENT FROM WHERE YOU SPENT YOUR WHOLE LIFE
THINKING YOUR STYLE IS SO HOT, WHILE I'M UPSTAIRS WITH YOUR WIFE

YOU EVER EVEN HEARD OF THE TROPIC OF CAPRICORN?
BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN BORN THAT SHIT WAS A THORN
IN THE SIDES OF PISSY LITTLE PRUDES JUST LIKE YOU
WHO WOULDN'T EVEN TOUCH A PUSSY IF THEIR MAMAS TOLD 'EM TO

EVEN CONFINED TO A BED I'M A FORCE THEY CAN'T STOP
WITH JUST A COUPLE OF LETTERS I MADE MISS TEXAS' PANTIES DROP
SO GO HOME ALONE AND HAVE FUN WITH YOUR HAND
'CUZ WE ALL KNOW WHO'S THE REAL FUCKIN' MAN

AND I AIN'T JUST A DUDE WHO SITS ALL DAY AT THE TYPEWRITERS
I MAKE PAINTINGS SO ABSTRACT THEY CONFUSE YOU SILLY BITERS
CHECK OUT MY LITHOGRAPHS AND ETCHINGS, THEY'RE ALL STRAIGHT UP KILLER
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CUZ I'M THE H. MILLER.

Someone do Dante.

ARCHIVE THIS SHEEEEEEET !

>>2000858
Why don't you? Rhyming isn't that hard.

>>2000863
Because I suck at them.

archive this shit

http://chanarchive.org/request_votes

here it is mother fucker

>>2000867
OK, SO I'M DANTE, YOU MIGHTA HEARD OF ME
I'M THE THIRD OF THE THREE FOUNTAINS AND A CERTIFIED G

I GOT THE BELLA DONNAS ALL VYIN' FOR A DRINK
OF THE ONLY FLUID I SPREAD INTO THE WORLD MORE THAN MY INK
OH, SORRY, DOES THAT LITTLE RHYME OFFEND YOU?
WELL, IN MY INFERNO, PLEASANTRIES AIN'T ON THE MENU.

WHILE YOU WERE ALL STRUGGLIN' THROUGH MY 9 CIRCLES
I WAS GETTIN' MORE FANS THAN THE MUTHAFUCKIN' URKELS

AS WELL AS RULIN' SUPREME OVER ALL POETRY THAT EXISTS
I'M INTO DISTRIBUTION, BEING THE MOST BALLIN PHARMACIST
YOU CAN CATCH ME AT THE APOTHECARY, WHERE I DISPENSE THE ILLEST DRUGS
YOU'LL KNOW IT WHEN YOU SEE IT, SURROUNDED BY ALL MY THUGS

I'M SO FLY, EVEN MY PROFILE IS GLORIOUS
CENTURIES LATER THEY'LL STILL KNOW MY FACE, THAT'S HOW NOTORIOUS
MY COMEDY IS, THE ONE THAT'S KNOWN AS DIVINE
I TAKE MY TIME, THAT'S HOW I MAKE MY SHIT SO SUBLIME

SO NOW I'VE CUT Y'ALL OFF, I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A REST
BUT DON'T LOOK SO DEPRESSED
YOU'VE JUST BEEN BEATEN BY THE BEST

>Ctrl+f "Machiavelli"
>0 results

>>2000950
Do it

Shut your blabber mouth an' listen
Haters on blast 'cause this shit's just in
Here comes conan doyle, but you can call me sir
Heard your mom went missing, but don't you worry I got her

Fools like poe, they' re not to blame
When it comes to mystery I put that shit to shame
You like the gold bug, try my hound of baskervilles
He lives in an asylum, I rock it in the hills

You can bash my 'stache but you can't touch my tomes
moriarty, watson, and sherlock shut you up holmes
when you read my books you're gonna have to rewind
Your sad little bug brain can't keep up with my mind

When it comes to cash there ain't none bettah
Ask all the hoes doyle's got the feta
when it comes to sleuthing I can get it done
You can't even follow you're all wat, son?

/lit/ I am sooooo proud of you.

I was gonna try to write a Dorothy Parker one, but I realized it would be pretty redundant.

YO ALL YOU MUTHAFUCKERS NEVER HEARD O’ ME ?
I’M THE OG, THE TRULY ILL NIGGA S-TO-THE-L-TO-THE-C

BEST BELIEVE IT BITCHES, GET READY TO FEEL THA PAIN,
CUS Y’ALL DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS PROLLY KNOW ME AS MARKIE TWAIN!

SO BOW DOWN TO THA MASTER, ALL YO NIGGAS BEST START TO GROVEL
EVEN ENERST AGREED I WAS THE FATHER OF
THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL

I ROCK WHITE SUITS AND BITCHES CREAM WHEN THEY HEAR ME RAPPIN’
IM THE ORIGINAL LIQUOR-SWILLING, STEAM BOAT CAPTAIN

SO BEST DON’T TRY TO CLOWN BITCH, OR CAUSE A STIR-UP
I GOT HOMIES FROM THE WHITE HOUSE TO THE ROYALTY OF EUROPE

IM’A ROLL UP ON YOUR ASS IN A STAGECOACH READY TO BEST YA
I’LL HAVE YOUR ASS FRIED AND CRISP WITH MY NIGGA NIKOLA TESLA

MY IS STYLE IS SO FRESH, YOUR MINDS I WILL DISTORT
I’M AHEAD O’ MY TIME LIKE A YANK IN KING ARTHUR’S COURT

NOW I’M OUTTA HERE LIKE DAT BOY Y’ALL LOVE, HUCK FINN
IF I WANTED MY COMEBACK I’D WHIPE IT OFF
YO MOMMA’S CHIN

PEACE

it's incredible hoe incredible this thread is.

>>1994804
Oh god lol

Welcome to the ring,
Best leave now if that's the shit you bring
Give out a handicap just to be fair,
When you hear bitches moan sin-CLAIR!

Write ninety something books cause I got bored.
Muckraking, politics, movies ooh lawd!
Hate to name names but, Heinlein was my bro.
Einstein, Chaplin, all a them an' mo'.

I can tell it's more than dick envy making you green
Read the jungle, an' that shit's mean.
But don't you worry
Cause I got the sausage you want, take it slow no hurry.

Heard you can't handle my fiction
Gotta tough time with that sick diction-
Airy word play ain't for me,
Aclu communist man of the people that's me.

Even the government can't handle this,
Bend over big brother, then clean up with my piss.
See pic? Yeah that's who I be,
Do you wanna be the punk to come at me?

HEY MODS.

WHY DID YOU DELETE HENRY JAMES TWICE? DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST HENRY JAMES?

PIC RELATED: IT'S HENRY MOTHERFUCKING JAMES.

>>2000871
THIS THREAD CAN NOT BE ARCHIVED ENOUGH

>>2001368

Yeah, well, I'm trying to figure out why Henry James and W.H. Auden were deleted.

>>2001374
...been lurking 4chan for about 3 years.
dont think ive ever before noticed any single post being deleted.
guess i dont pay much attention.
this alarmist information has caused me to save the page!

STEPPIN UP TO DA DECK.
WRITIN BOUT DAT PATNA WRECK.
IT'S DA SAILOR WHO'S GONE-BAD,
MUTHAFUCKIN JOSEPH CONRAD.

ALL DEM NARCISSISTIC NIGGAS AINT GOT SHIT
ON DEM DOPE-ASS NOVELS I DONE WRIT.
I GOT LORD JIM AND DAT HEART OF DARKNESS,
DELVING IN MORALITY WITH SHEER STARKNESS.

ALL THEM HOES BE UP ON JOYCE'S DICK
BUT MY MODERNISM WASN'T GIMMICKY TRICKS,
NO CONSCIOUSNESS A STREAMING
JUST BOATS A STEAMING
AND ANARCHIST MEETINGS
AND BETRAYER FLEEINGS.

DIDNT WRITE ANY OF THAT PUSSY POETRY,
BUT MY SYNTAX STILL FULL OF FLOWETRY.
TALK ABOUT COLONIALISM, YOU KNOW IT'S ME,
CUZ MY SHIT'S SERIOUS, NO COQUETRY.

DONT NEED SOME PUSSY-ASS NOBEL PRIZE
CUZ IM THAT TRUE ARTIST WHO NEVER CRIES.
FOOLS CAN'T READ ME. I'M ANOTHER LEVEL SHIT,
BUT YOU DON'T GET ME ANYWAYS. I'M DAT SOLIPSIST.
I was waiting for so long for someone to make this one, but, alas, nobody appreciates this guy.

>>2001467
>green oval
>shutdown imminent

someone needs to do carl sagan, you know he listened to some shit while he was tokin up looking through his telescope

>>2001472
>source

>>2001472
>>2001467
>>2001413

Well, exactly my point. On green oval, the thread shows the stuff that was deleted.

>>2001485
green oval deletes posts after a time
I can't find even ~1/3 of my remarks

I demand more literature rap!

...please?

GIVE IT UP, BIZNATCHES! AUNTIE WIZ IS IN THE HIZZLE;
AND JUST ONE GLIMPSE OF WYSTAN'S WIZENED PHIZ'LL
GIVE YOU A HARD-ON
FOR AUDEN
SO YOU BITCHES GET YOUR BARD ON:
YOU CAN LAY ME GIVE ME SLEEPING HEAD MY LOVE IN CHRIST-CHURCH GARDEN,
AND KEEP SUCKIN ON MY BONE
LIKE A MENHIR OF LIMESTONE
AS YOU PROLIFICALLY DEVOUR ME, I BUCK AND MOAN
WITH SONNETS AND SESTINAS, VERS-LIBRE, LIMERICKS, AND PROSE
SPEW LIBRETTI LIKE CONFETTI ON THE SETTEE WHERE HE PLATONICALLY BLOWS.
WITH PHILOSOPHIC RUMINATIONS AND FORMALISTIC TOURS-DE-FORCE
AND ELEGIES AND ALLEGORIES AND TRAVELOGUES OF COURSE,
AND OPERAS WITH CHESTER (WHO'S HUNG LIKE A LOVELY HORSE,
THOUGH HIS NONSTOP INFIDELITIES JUST MIGHT FORCE US TO DIVORCE).
BUT ALL THE BOOZE AND BENZEDRINE AFFECTED MY BRAIN,
MY FACE LOOKS LIKE A WEDDING-CAKE LEFT OUT IN THE RAIN,

nigga you got dat pyroclastic flow

>>1997286
>>2000584
Goddammit, /lit/, I love you.

this thread is shit you're all dumb faggots and not funny

wow, how absurd and idiosyncratic! an intellectual is talking like a negro!

4chan is lowbrow and shit check out somethingawful FYAD it is literally civilizations and lightyears ahead of you guys, you are human toilets that deserve death, you are pure personality garbage, eat shit.

>>2001629
lol this one doesn't even rhyme or have a picture. i'll give it a 0/10.

god fobid there be any fun on /lit/

>>2001640
OP upset and saging his own thread, lol faggot

>>2001637
fail troll is fail... 0/10... epic fail n00b lulz

>>2001640
Well Hitler had fun, you don't want to be like Hitler do you?

"you dumbass fucking sod"

hey OP, how does it feel having an autistic brain and being incapable of being funny?

What up /lit
This place running mad
Like yall got hiv
Yes let me see.. Whos putting yall to sleep
Its mr deez, fucking yall with that 90s theme

Ha ha now its time
For deez to kick a dope line
Remember that nas line " yo son lets get it don"
Im fucking illmatic son
Spiting flows like hoes outta my dick
Running 100miles in this rap shit
You a newfag, who cant triforce, (shiit)

Fuck yall lames, i fuck great dames
Have sex with minors like it aint a thang
Make the bitch dribble and shake
Like im big daddy kang
Telling newfags to take it in blood
Deez putting out lyrical disease
Killing yall all like the mad cow dieasee

>>2001629
>somethingawful
What's it like living in a timewarp?

>>2001649

ALL YOU FEY URBANE WRITERS CAN SUCK MY BALLSACK
THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS: MAKE WAY FOR CORMAC

I HAD SOME WORTHY PROGENITORS: MELVILLE AND FAULKNER
THE REST OF YOU WRITE LIKE FAGGOTS INTERNING FOR GAWKER

H.P. 'CRAFT, YOU CALL THAT "HORROR"? DON'T GET TOO EMBOLDENED
YOU'VE GOT TONS OF CONSONANTS, BUT I'VE GOT JUDGE HOLDEN

AND HERE'S AN FYI FOR EDGAR ALLAN POE
IT'S NOT SOUTHERN GOTHIC WITHOUT CORPSES FLYBLOWN
SO GTFO WITH YOUR EMASCULATED PROSE
SIT BACK AND TAKE A LESSON FROM SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS

I BROUGHT BLOOD-SOAKED WESTERNS TO THEIR ULTIMATE CRESCENDO
YOU CAN CALL ME MR. MCCARTHY
AND I'LL CALL YOU FRIENDO

Y'ALL LITERARY THEORISTS RECOGNIZE ME -- AMIRITE?
I'M JACQUES LACAN AND YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND A FUCKING THING I WRITE
HAVE FUN CRAMMING MY DENSE THEORIES INTO YOUR SKULLS
JUST SO YOU KNOW, I WROTE THEM FOR THE LULZ

>>2002255
>I'M THE MASTER OF ONOMATOPOEIA
>YOU DRIVE A KIA

i am laughing way too hard at this considering what a disaster of meter it is

NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
VOUS TOUS ARE CLOSIN' DOORS?
WITHOUT A CERTAIN FRENCHMAN
ARRIVIN' ON YOUR SHORES?

THE NAME'S FRANÇOIS-MARIE
LIKE YOU'D EVEN FUCKING KNOW
BUT ALL THE FUCKING BOOKS I WROTE
COULD SINK THE SHIPS OUT IN BORDEAUX

QU-EST-CE? QU-EST-CE?

I HAVEN'T TIME TO TEACH YOU
THE INTRICACIES OF ALL MY THOUGHTS
SO I'LL JUST FLOOR YOUR FAGGOT JAWS
WITH THE CONCEPTS THAT I SOUGHT

TRUTH AND BEAUTY, BEAUTY TRUTH
THEY BOTH SOUND OH SO TRITE
UNLESS OF COURSE I COME TO THEM
WITH ALL THE SATIRE THAT I WRITE

THE COMMON MAN, THE WELL-TO-DOS
THE BOURGEOISIE AND CATHOLIC CHURCH
NONE ARE SIDES I WISH TO TAKE
SO THEN ALL I MUST BESMIRCH

YOU GOT A FUCKING QUESTION?
FUCKING PROBLEM YOU WISH TO AIR?
THEN SEND A FUCKING LETTER, PUSSY
AND ADDRESS IT TO VOLTAIRE!

PEOPLE IN THE WEST ASK ME
WHATS YOUR BEEF?
ALL I NEED TO SAY IS THAT IM THE MOTHERFUCKIN MEESH

INACTION THROUGH ELEGANCE THAT SHIT IS WEAK
PUSHIN 50 YEARS OLD NIGGA YOU PAST YOUR PEAK

WORDS HIT ME FIRST YEAH, THATS HOW IT WAS
THEIR CORROSIVE NATURE STARTED TO HARSH MY BUZZ

I CHUCKED THAT SHIT OUT, I HAD TO GET REAL
I DEVOTED MYSELF TO SUN AND STEEL

SO IF YOU TRY TO DISS ME MAN YOU DONT KNOW SQUAT
NOW ILL TAKE MY LEAVE AND STAGE A COUP D'ETAT

WHY YO MOUTH OPEN WHEN MY COCK AIN'T IN IT?
JIM T BOUT TO FUCK YOU UP IN A MINUTE
ICE COLD, I'M BOLD LIKE THE KILLER INSIDE ME
BEST FOLD, YOU'RE TOO OLD TO RUN OFF AND HIDE, G
YOU NIGGAZ SAY YOU HARD BUT I'LL MAKE YA BLOOD CURL
MY SHIT IS SO NASTY IT'LL MAKE A C.H.U.D. HURL

Nu uh this aint right
Im back in /lit
Seems these lames only come out at night
Wearing all black like you some g
Bitch please, you looking like a refugee
Stfu post triforce or you r-i-p
Deez, recognise whos putting yall at ease
Newfags have to spit about guns and trees
But ima real mc, telling yall the thruth about /lit

You hate it when im on /lit
Newfags and wanna b rappers
Im so well rated, educated and never faded
Last thing i say is your all just been dated

Uhh yeah im on fire
Its Been too long but rap is my desire
Looking at 4chan like its somthing higer
Not just a trap thread or furries
Its skilles minds on lit keeping it real
Fuck being a slave, id rather be made
I am made the fuxk you on
Living in a city, were no1 knows
Driving wreckless in my bmw
Running thru hoes
130 reasons why im gold
From my swagger to my toes
Full of life and riches
My beemah cant hold still while im fucking these bitches
Its hungy for a bit of gas , put my m3 in netural
and give noobs a running start
Go..i dont feel a single ounce of pressure
My m3 tuned, it smokes ricers and most haters
499hp my games tuned
No not like sep 11 wtc debarkl
Shits sad wen its a inside job
My beemah comes nevet undone . My rego reads sparkle

>>2002216

>I HAD SOME WORTHY PROGENITORS: MELVILLE AND FAULKNER
>THE REST OF YOU WRITE LIKE FAGGOTS INTERNING FOR GAWKER


awwww yeah cormac mccarthy

THERE'S A HUNDRED OF THESE POSTS AND NOBODY PUT UP MINE?
HOW YOU GONNA MAKE THIS THREAD WITHOUT R. L. FUCKING STINE?

SOME CALL ME JOVIAL BOB, YOU CAN CALL ME R.L.
I'M THE BEST THERE EVER WAS, IN CASE YOU COULDN'T FUCKING TELL.

WELCOME TO DEAD HOUSE, BITCH, I'M THE MOTHERFUCKING MAN.
WRITIN' BOOKS BY THE HUNDREDS AND CASHIN' IN HAND OVER HAND.

CHECK YO SELF, READER, YEAH YOU BETTER BEWARE
'CAUSE YOUR GOOD-FOR-NOTHING ASS IS IN FOR A SCARE.

YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD THE NERVE TO STEP UP TO MY PLAN,
THEN YOU BITCHED OUT LIKE A PUSSY AFTER ONE DAY IN HORRORLAND.

DON'T IMPLY YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME, I WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD.
I WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT YOU EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD.

YOU AIN'T NEVER READ ME? THEN YOU'VE READ NOTHING BUT CRUD.
I'M GONNA FUCK YOU 'TILL YOU LOVE ME AND SHIT MONSTER BLOOD.

DON'T BOTHER READING ANYTHING FROM THESE OTHER WORTHLESS HUMPS,
JUST GET YOUR ASS TO THE LIBRARY AND GET SOME GODDAMN GOOSEBUMPS.

WELL LOOK WHO WE GOT
SPITTING RHYMES UP IN /LIT
IT'S BRET EASTON ELLIS IN THE HOUSE
CAN Y'ALL NIGGAZ BELIEVE THIS SHIT?

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WERE SO OLD AND STODGY, THEY CALLED ME A PRODIGY
ALL CUZ "LESS THAN ZERO" HAD LOLIS GETTIN' RAILED DOGGIE
I MAKE NO APOLOGY FOR THE HARSH DICTION IN MY FICTION
CRITICS IMPUGN MY ULTRAVIOLENCE, BUT I KNOW Y'ALL FAP TO THIS SHIT

WHO BETTER TO CAPTURE THE DECADENCE
AND ALIENATION OF THE EIGHTIES
THAN A BANKER DISMEMBERING BITCHES
THEN DRIVING OFF IN HIS MERCEDES

AND WHEN I'M BATTLE RAPPIN, PREPARE FOR DOMINATION
I'LL SPIT SUBLIME RHYMES DOUBLE-TIME
THEN RAPE YOUR SKULL LIKE P. BATEMAN

WORD

holy shit, can this be a meme?

>>2002231

>JUST SO YOU KNOW, I WROTE THEM FOR THE LULZ

I fucking knew it.

>>2002216

Re-posting this post because it isn't done justice without a pic:


ALL YOU FEY URBANE WRITERS CAN SUCK MY BALLSACK
THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS: MAKE WAY FOR CORMAC

I HAD SOME WORTHY PROGENITORS: MELVILLE AND FAULKNER
THE REST OF YOU WRITE LIKE FAGGOTS INTERNING FOR GAWKER

H.P. 'CRAFT, YOU CALL THAT "HORROR"? DON'T GET TOO EMBOLDENED
YOU'VE GOT TONS OF CONSONANTS, BUT I'VE GOT JUDGE HOLDEN

AND HERE'S AN FYI FOR EDGAR ALLAN POE
IT'S NOT SOUTHERN GOTHIC WITHOUT CORPSES FLYBLOWN
SO GTFO WITH YOUR EMASCULATED PROSE
SIT BACK AND TAKE A LESSON FROM SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS

I BROUGHT BLOOD-SOAKED WESTERNS TO THEIR ULTIMATE CRESCENDO
YOU CAN CALL ME MR. MCCARTHY
AND I'LL CALL YOU FRIENDO

i'm going to copy all the author posts and put them on imgur

>>2003171
maybe, idk if i will

>>2003174

do it, or at least continually archive the thread

i had never been to /lit before but i am definitely coming back after this. some of these are shockingly good

>>2003166

u mad bro?

>>1999247

Wow. You "came correct". Fantastic explanation, and nice rejoinder with the villanelle example.

MUTHA FUCKA, YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME
THE GANGSTA FROM HIPPO, CALL ME ST. AUGUSTINE

I WROTE A CONFESSION TO TALK ABOUT THE SHIT THAT I DID AS A KID
TURNS OUT THAT I WAS A HOOD RAT FOLLOWING MY TIMES AS A MANACHEAN
DIDN'T KNOW MY FRIENDS LIFE WAS A LEAVIN'
DIDN'T KNOW THAT MY CALLING WAS TO GOD
BUT THEN I FOUND HIM AND AFTER THAT

I RAN THE PLACE LEFT AND RIGHT
EACHING RIGHT AND WRONG
SPENT THE LAST OF MY YEARS MAKING SENSE OF THE BIBLE
KNEW THIS WAS RIGHT MAKING SENSE OF THE INSENSIBLE

NOW BITCHES PRAY TO ME
MUTHA FUCKIN MC AUGUSTINE

guys, get this archived at "chanarchive.org"

>>2003200
Should we wait until the thread has maxed out its # of posts? (And is there an easy way to tell when that's about to happen, so we can archive before it 404s?)

>>1994769

You started off sounding like Kanye West

NOW GATHER ROUND BITCHES AND I'LL SING YOU A BALLAD
OF A BALLIN' MUTHAFUCKA- YEAH, ME, J.G. BALLARD
HA HA
WE DON'T NEED YOUR WHACK-ASS SPACESHIPS TO GET NO PLACE
COS THE MIND'S OUR DESTINATION- MUTHAFUCKIN' INNERSPACE
YEAH YOU TRIPPIN' NOW FOOLS AS I SHOW YOU MY FINESSE
AND THE BLING THAT YOU BRING- WELL THAT SHIT WILL DELIQUESCE
WITH A QUICKNESS
OH YOU'RE FREAKED OUT NOW BY MY DYSTOPIAN TREND?
I'LL SHOW YOU FOUR DIFFERENT WAYS THAT THE WORLD COULD END
NOW I'LL LEAVE YOU WANTING MORE WITH YOUR BRAIN ALL FRIED
WHEN YOU READY I'LL BE HERE- MUTHAFUCKIN' SHANGHAI

>>2003200
>>2003208
I think this thread has already been archived. They'll keep updating the record until it 404s.

ALTHOUGH THIS THREAD DOESN'T HAVE ME YET
I'VE GOT THE BEST FUCKING PROSE THE LAST CENTURY'S SEEN YET
MY SHORT STORIES ARE TRIPPIN' BALLS
BUT THAT DAMN WELL AIN'T ALL
YOU CAN'T EVEN COMPETE, SON
WITH FAHRENHEIT FOUR FIVE ONE
ON EARTH OR ON MARS THE FUTURE LOOKS SICK
SO PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR MIND FUCKED BY MY MASSIVE DICK
WITH REAL STAYING POWER MY SHIT'S JUST SUBLIME
NOW YOU HO'S ALL FUCK OFF SO I CAN GO DRINK DANDELION WINE

someone make more!

>>1994817

WANT TO TALK RESENTMENT?
THAT'S A FUNNY SENTIMENT
COMING FROM AN ELITIST, PHALLOCENTRIC MALCONTENT
BRACE YOURSELF, BLOOM, I'M DECONSTRUCTING YOUR ASS
DID YOU REALLY THINK DERRIDA WOULD GIVE YOU A PASS?

SO STOP YOUR BITCH-ASS PREENING
ABOUT LITERARY AESTHETICS
yOU THINK TEXTS HAVE MEANING?
NIGGA, THAT'S PATHETIC!
SIGNIFIERS SLIDE
AND THAT'S ALL THEY EVER DO
NO ABSOLUTES ABIDE
NOTHING IS TRUE

OFF TO THE DUSTBIN
WITH RATIONALISM AND STRUCTURE
PRIVILEGING LOGIC IS LIKE RAPE -- IT'S NO WONDER NAOMI SAYS YOU FUCKED HER
SO I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
IF I FUCK YOUR CANON
DECONTEXTUALIZING EVERYTHING WITH RADICAL ABANDON

OH -- WHAT'S THAT, I HEAR?
YOU THINK THERE'S A DISTINCTION
BETWEEN GREAT WORKS OF LIT, AND SHITTY COMMERCIAL FICTION?
BETWEEN STEPHANIE MEYER, AND HOMER CAST IN BRONZE?
YOU MAY KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, BLOOM
BUT YOU NEGLECT LE DIFFERANCE

HERP DERP DIDDLY DOO, I'M THE BOMB WHEN I SPIT/
AND THE THRONGS KNOW THIS SHIT: THAT THE SONGS THAT I FLIP
GET IT DONE, MAKE YOU BAWL LIKE YOUR BONGWATER TIPPED, I SAY NOTHING I'M A RETARD I'M ANON ON A /LIT/
BUT oops

>>2003561
well played, sir

well played

and now ladies and gentlemen, a word from T.S. ELIOT

LADIES AND CHAPS, IT'S ME THOMAS STEARNS
AND AS IT APPEARS, YA'LL NEED TO LEARN
I AM A WITTY MAN WHO WENT TO ENGLAND
BECAUSE I BECAME BORED WITH THE LIKES OF THE AMERICAN

THOUGH YOU ALL ARE UNREMARKABLE
I STILL MANAGE TO SPEAK IN PARABLES
LIKE JESUS BEFORE ME, I FIND REDEMPTION IN THIS LIFE
IF I HAD MY WAY, I WOULD KNIFE MY WIFE
SHE DID SOME NAUGHTY NAUGHTY WITH A MAN I NEED NOT NAME

I'M NOT A HOLLOW MAN, FOR I STILL HAVE MY SPINE
A SOUL THAT CAN ONLY BE MINE
J. ALFRED PRUFROCK, THAT ISN'T EVEN A NAME
I CAME UP WITH THAT WHILE WATCHING A BALL GAME

LIKE THE FISHER KING, I SHORE MYSELF AGAINST RUIN
BUT DON'T THINK THIS IS THE LAST OF YO' DOIN'
MISTER ELIOT UP IN THIS ESTATE
A PEACH, I DECIDED TO ATE

Then take your drawers off,
and work your legs.
Open your ass up like a keg.
Let me tap it,
I must have it, hmm.
Furry fool, you are mine.
I'll drink your ass like wine,
and when semen pours all over your head you know you must be dead.

THEN TAKE YOU DRAWERS OFF
AND WORK YOUR LEGS
OPEN YOUR ASS UP LIKE A KEG
LET ME TAP IT
I MUST HAVE IT HMM
FURRY FOOL, YOU ARE MINE
I DRINK YOU ASS LIKE WINE
AND WHEN SEMEN POURS ALL OVER YOUR HEAD
YOU KNOW YOU MUST BE DEAD

>Breaking the rules

>I' m the Jack Kerouac incarnite.
Fleashl-ing City boy expelling; the dear dump selling;
Spoken reminiscent past dwellings
poured by Jack Daniel's
sweet sweetness,
on magnifiscent August leaves September's
first day.

>Honest gloat: Goat gloating that's gauding.
>Find the doubtful man's life
showing;
What could
is,
but what was, isn't?

Practical life, insecure life
Ushers in pamphlets
that you are once, and not again, not
again,
not again.

>Past out. Reel in gold, golden fish
caught in appropriate sewers;
cooked over pot stove
and eaten.

>>2003723
>'I' saw an 'a'
Herr 'incarnate' ----.

ALL YOU PRETTY POETESSES GONNA GET YO WISH
GONNA SMOOVE YOU GROOVE YOU MOVE YOU WITH THE PERCY BYSSHE
JUST LIKE MY SLIPPERY SIMILES AS THEY TAKIN WING, GIRL
YOU GONNA CREEP, CRAWL, BUST YO NUT, AND SING, GIRL
I'M LIKE PURE M.D.M.A. MIXED WITH DIRTY PURPLE DRANK
MIXED BY QUEEN MAB AND HER MAENADS ATOP MOUNT BLANC,
WITH THE WITCH OF ATLAS NAKED SERVING KETAMINE AND ZIMA
AS I SCRIBBLE OUT A REAM OF TERZA-RIMA
CAUSE I GOT NO FLAWS
AND WHILE BYRON BAWWWS
I BE MAKIN' THE LAWS
I'M THE SECRET LEGISLATOR FOR ALL THE GIRLS
WITH MY FLUENT HELLENISM AND MY LUSH BLONDE CURLS
U JELLY?
I'M SHELLEY
GOT MY SEMEN IN YO BELLY
GET DOWN ON YO KNEES, GIRL, MAKE IT HAPPEN
YOU BYSSHES DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH PERCY I BE TAPPIN'

TEFLON DON
GOD FORGIVES, I DON'T

>>2003723
Iron(-)ing on the surface and satirizing [if delved deeper] the pseudo-intellectual that is JK., whose only escape is just JK-in', ergo, refuting Buddhism as well, in such a flowery way.
>By declaring you are an incarnation; believing that karma tripe above the sociological and psychological precepts; that the two
soft/sci/(-)ologies doth do exist and nothing
(-)meta is worthy.
>Except a few (-)olgies that I didn't put up!

>>2003723
I never saw anyone rape a dead JK. like 'dat.
Someone's a necrophiliac! Pertaining no emotions in the act;
completely numb in the moving move. . . More then over there* we find meaning in it.

>>2003763

Oh my god, thank you.

AND DID THOSE FEET
IN ANCIENT TIMES
START MOVIN TO MY BEAT?
AND START FEELIN MY RHYMES?
NOW ALL YOU VIRGINS LIKE THEL
RAISE YO HANDS START TO YELL
FOR THE D.J. AT THE WEDDING OF HEAVEN AND HELL:
I'M VISIONARY,
MARRY A CONTRARY,
I'M TALKIN TO THE ANGELS AND IT'S GETTIN SCARY

AND NOW THE DREAD URTHONA BREAKS HIS CHAINS & STARTS TO RAP:
BEHOLD HE BELLOWS: BLAKE IS EPIC & ALL YO RHYMES IS CRAP!

You aren't making Hip-Hop better you're making Literature worse.
>Reading in prone position for expressed purpose of blahblahblah

SUP BITCHES, VIRGIL IN THE HOOD
I LAY DOWN BEATS LIKE NO OTHER ROMAN COULD
MY BRO HOMER FORMED THE INSPIRATION
FOR MY EPIC HISTORY OF THE LATIN NATION
YOU MAY JUST SAY MY EARLY WORK IS SHIT
BUT BITCHES DON'T KNOW BEEKEEPING'S LEGIT
WHEN YOUR MOM CAME BY LAST NIGHT I TREATED HER LIKE CARTHAGE'S QUEEN
FUCKED HER GOOD AND THEN DITCHED THAT SCENE
JUNO MIGHT HATE ME, BUT IT'S ALL GOOD
SHE SHOULD LEARN HER PLACE LIKE EVERY WOMAN SHOULD
FASTER THAN MY RHYMES FLYING IN DACTYLIC HEXAMETER
I'D TEACH THAT BITCH THE MEANING OF WIFE BEATER
BUT FOR NOW, MY BROS, I'VE GOT TO PEACE OUT
I'VE GOT A MEETING WITH OCTAVIAN, THE STUPID LOUT

>>2003890

SHOUT OUT TO MY DISCIPLES DANTE AND VEE
MILTON: YOU CAN SUCK A SATYR DAWG
HEY D.J., PLAY THOSE LYRES, YEAH YOU KNOW WHERE IT'S AT

SING, SING, SING, O HEAVENLY MUSE
CUS THE ORIGINAL G 'BOUT TO BLOW UP LIKE A FUSE
BRINGIN' THE REVELATION THAT NONE CAN REFUSE
THAT I INVENTED THE FORM THAT YOU MAY ONLY ABUSE

SCATTER, RUN, GO HIDE BEHIND YOUR MOM
MY PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE NUCLEAR BOMB
MY BOYS FOUGHT IN EPICS, YOUR DAD CRIES ABOUT 'NAM

CALM DOWN, BITCH, I ONLY TOY
MY SWAG LAUNCHED MORE SHIPS THAN HELEN OF TROY
SO COME NOW, LISTEN CLOSELY TO THE RHYMES I DEPLOY

-BREAK IT DOWN-

I'M IN YOUR DICTIONARIES, DEFINITION OF EPIC:
DACTYLIC HEXAMETER, YEAH YOU BETTER RESPECT IT

ALL OF YOU LESSER POETS EACH BELONG TO A NATION
BUT MOTHERFUCKER I INVENTED WESTERN CIVILIZATION

WHILE YOU DELIVER THE WORLD PEON AFTER PEON
I BROUGHT HEAVEN TO EARTH AND GAVE IT THE PANTHEON

QUAKE BEFORE THE WORK THAT IS TRULY OVERPOWERIN'
KNOW WHY DANTE ALIGHIERI HAD TO HAIL ME SOVEREIGN

GO HOME KIDS, REST, INDULGE IN YOUR LITERARY FAD
KNOW THIS: THE GAME'S HASN'T BEEN AS REAL SINCE THE MOTHERFUCKING ILIAD.

ON YOUR WAY OUT BLUSH, WAVE AND GIVE ME A CURTSEY,
LITERATURE'S THE JOURNEY THAT BEGAN WITH THE ODYSSEY

DEAD AT FIFTY FIVE. ALIVE FOR MILLENIA.

>>2003890
BITCH PLEASE, YOU AIN'T GOT SHIT
MY NAME IS OVID AND I WON'T PERMIT
A BITCH LIKE YOU WITH THREE WORKS TO YOUR NAME
TO TRY AND PUT A REAL ROMAN TO SHAME
I GOT SO MANY BITCHES THAT I DECIDED TO
WRITE A BOOK SO VIRGINS LIKE YOU
COULD LEARN HOW TO USE THAT PENIS OF YOURS
ALTHOUGH ONE THAT SMALL'S NOT GOING TO OPEN ANY DOORS
MY SKILLS AT FUCKING REIGN SUPREME
SUCKING MY COCK IS EVERY WOMAN'S DREAM
BY THE WAY, I ALSO WROTE THE METAMORPHOSES
NOT SOME STUPID MANUAL ON HOW TO RAISE BEES
WHEN THEY LOOK AT LATIN LIT THE BITCHES ALL KNOW THAT
PUBLIUS OVIDIUS NASO IS WHERE IT'S AT

>>2003892
>>2003890

VERGIL YOU FAGGOT, GO BLOW A SPARKLY VAMPIRE:
THE BEST MUTHAFUCKIN PIMPIN IN THE MUTHAFUCKIN ROMAN EMPIRE
IS MINE--FOR ALL TIME---ALL THE LADIES GONNA SAY SO
THEY LOVE IT FROM OVID----I'M OVIDIUS NASO

FIND MARO KINDA NARROW? ALL THAT ARMS AND THE MAN SHIT,
AND THAT "FORMOSUM PASTOR CORYDON" IS PARTY VAN SHIT,
HIS GEORGICS LEAVE YOU SLEEPIN
UNLESS YOU LIKE BEE-KEEPIN
A GIRL LIKE YOU NEEDS SOMETHIN DEEP AN'
SOMETHIN DEEP INSIDE
SO TRADE MANTUA FOR SULMO, LEMME GIVE YOU A RIDE:

COME READ MY HEXAMETERS HORACE FINDS INVIDIOUS
PUBLIUS ENEMY NUMBER ONE? NOT VIRGILIUS BUT OVIDIUS
CAUSE VERGIL GAVE YOU ROMA BUT OVID GIVES YOU AMOR
IN FIVE BOOKS, THREE BOOKS, EPIC LENGTH AND META-MORE,
FROM THE NASTY
TO THE "FASTI"
LOVE ADVENTURE AND TERROR
THEN BANISHED OFF TO TOMIS FOR A CARMEN ET ERROR
NO OTHER POET CAN FREAKS YOU
WITH SUCH WILD EUPHORIA
SO IF IT'S FREAKIN YOU SEEK YOU
CAN CHECK OUT MY ARS AMATORIA.
YOU GONNA LIKE THIS A LOT
NASO MAGISTER ERAT
GONNA LEAVE YOU PANTING WANTING MO AND FEELIN SO HOT---

AND LEAVE THE MUTHAFUCKIN VERGIL GATHERIN' DUST AND FORGOT.

CAUSE VERGIL JUST SOME FAGGOT FRIEND OF DANTE'S
BUT OVID GETS INTO EVERY BITCH'S PANTIES

LIKE A GHOST IN THE BASEMENT, YOU'VE CONJURED SOMETHING FIERCE.
BACK FROM THE GRAVE, BITCHES! IT'S AMBROSE BIERCE!
SOME SAY MY COMMENTARIES WERE FAR TOO SCATHING.
I SHOT 'EM TWICE AND USED MY THIRD EYE TO SPY THEIR HONEY BATHING!
I GOT A MACABRE SENSE NE'ER SEEN BEFORE;
ENLISTED TO KILL CONFEDERATES 'CAUSE I WAS BORED.
THOSE TRANSCENDENTALISTS WERE A BUNCH OF SISSIES,
PRETENTIOUS FAGS POLISHED MORE KNOBS THAN THAT PUNK ULYSSES!
OF SHORT PROSE FORM I HAVE A MASTERY.
IT'S NO SUSPENSE ALL THE HOES FIND ME SATISFACTORY.
THOUGH MY DISAPPEARANCE REMAINS UNDER SUSPICION,
TO SAY I'M ETERNALLY BASED IS A DEFINITION.

ho to the ly to the FUCK.
this guy should seriously think of writing a book with these. I swear he could make a billion dollars.

REMEMBER WHERE YOU WERE FOR THIS CENTURY'S HEIST
WHEN I STEAL THE SHOW; IT'S JESUS H. CHRIST!
THE STAR OF SO MANY BOOKS, THEY NEEDED FOUR AUTHORS,
NOT TO MENTION THOUSANDS MORE TO INTERPRET THE WORDS I PROFFERED.
THE RESURRECTION OF LAZARUS, CURING THE TEMPLE BLIND,
MAKIN' THE MAIDENS WET WHEN I TURNED WATER TO WINE.
WHILE YOU THOUGHT I LEFT EVERYONE BEHIND, YOU WERE GETTIN' TROLLED.
I'VE GOT THE KEYS TO PROVIDENCE; LEAVE CEASAR HIS GOLD.

I just fucked Harold Bloom with my giant fucking cock

>>2003965

Yeah, but the whole point is that Anonymous is giving it away for free.

If you want to know why, DFW suggests you read "The Gift" by Lewis Hyde.

Call me, William Gibson, the thread enhancer.
Blew up the spot with my sci-fi opus, Neuromancer.
Spent my youth sampling psychotropic drugs,
Flirting with gone girls and munching ungroomed rugs.
Vanguard of the cyberspacists.
I wrote the book Spook Country, but I'm not a racist.
And if for some reason you're not sold yet,
You're welcome for predicting the internet.

>>2004031

Fuck. Now Grant Morrison is always going to sound like Dizzee Rascal in my head.

this thread is gold....english isn't my first language, but....wow.....good job guys

YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME OUT I'M REPPIN THIS SHIT
BEEN TO AFRICA, SMOKED OUT, WHERE I WRIT TEN ALL THE STORIES YOU ALREADY KNOW

I JUMP FROM THE RIVER CROCODILE STYLE TO PULL AT YOUR NOSE
AND STRETCH IT OUT
I GOT SO MUCH CLOUT
I GOT ALL THE BITCHES BENDIN OVER YELLIN DON'T PULL OUT
MORE, DEEPER, BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES
RUDYARD KIPLING PULLIN ALL THE HOES.
YOU KNOW COZ I SAY ITS JUST SO.
PEACE.

>>2004038
ahahaha, can't un-subvocalize

also i had "will the real smith zadie please stand up" running through my head on the bus today

I'm predicting an influx of ill;
Last name Watterson, first name Bill.
Best known for my iconic doodles,
A boy, his tiger, space man, dinosaurs, an incident with noodles.
My poignant words hold astounding prevalence
Unlike Schulz' doofus aspie, beagle, and lesbians.
And Jim Davis sold out to that husband and wife schtick?
Calvin kept Susie beggin' for his mild-mannered dick.
Demanded a full page for my Sunday strip's place.
That Family Circus shit would be better spent on ad space.
Retired to a life of seclusion.
Let the reader contemplate the meaning of the strip's conclusion.