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>>397710895
1:30 saturday morning why not

OP wake up or i'm gone

>>397711171

Okay, sure.

One thing about Jaemen, he would get really philosophical sometimes.

>later that year
>learn Jaemen is a freshman
>sitting in English one day in our fated adjacent seats
>Teacher is talking but Jaemen is in his own world
>Turns to me out of the blue and says "Who are you, really?"
>"I'm Eddie, who do you think I am?"
>"No, that is not your identity. That is something someone has named you."
>"Nah man I'm Eddie."
>ACCORDING TO MY FATHER YOU ARE SIMPLY ADOPTING AN IDENTITY THAT HAS BEEN GIVEN TO YOU, THAT IS NOT TRULY YOUR IDENTITY YOU SIMPLETON

>>397712130
Wait a minute...is this Marcus?

>>397712381
no he clearly stated he is eddie

>>397712130

this is brilliant, i demand more, pretty please?

Story 2 part 2:

>"Listen man, I can't tell you my true identity."
>AHA! SO YOU ADMIT THAT THIS "EDDIE" IS NOT TRULY YOU
>"Yeah man just calm down. I have to keep my true identity under wraps. Political issue and stuff."

I really have no idea where this is headed but I was pretty good at making stuff up on my feet.

>"Wait WHAT? Your family is involved in politics?"
>"My biological family is, yeah. Real mess, though, I shouldn't even be alive."
>YOU MUST TELL ME THE TRUTH OF YOUR IDENTITY
>"Listen man that's a bad idea. Things are gonna get dangerous if you know the truth." With this line I know I have him hook, line, and sinker
>I MUST KNOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME
>knew it
>"Okay. I'm descended from gnomish royalty. I said it."
>YOU DARE INSULT ME WITH SUCH A PREPOSTEROUS STORY? YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE HALF YOUR HEIGHT TO CONVINCE ME OF THAT!
>"No man, that's the thing. My mother was an elf from the royal elvin court. All of the height and facial features balance out and make me look more or less human. That's how my parents were able to get me out of the forest and leave me in a human orphanage before I was adopted."
>HAH! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU BE DISCARDED SO AFTER YOUR BIRTH?
>"War, man. Bad blood between those races. Both sides wanted me dead. I'm lucky to be here."
>"...is the war still ongoing?"
>"Yeah man. It's horrific, even escalated after I was born. You swear you won't tell anyone?"
>I SWEAR IT UPON MY HONOR AS A STUDENT AND A THESPIAN

(Jaemen was big into acting.)

Monititin

jaeman is a roodypoo name.but continue

shit is gay, sagin'

>>397713039
Jenkins!

>>397713415
this is how you sage dumbass

>>397713415

>sage
>doesen't sage

Story 3 Part 1

>later that year
>in English class
>decide to proactively agitate the J-Monster today
>come in to class looking sort of sad
>HELLO EDWARD, SPLENDID TO SEE YOU TODAY
>"Hi Jaemen"
>YOU KNOW I AM REALLY LOVING THE NEW BIONICLE COMICS WITH THE BOHROK-KAL DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE NEW BIONICLE COMICS
>"They're okay, I dunno"

(I absolutely loved them)

>WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, THEY TRULY ARE THE PINNACLE OF ARTISTIC AND STORYTELLING MERIT
>"Things have been rough man. I got an update on the war today."
>I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T HAVE CONTACT WITH ANY FOREST-PEOPLE
>"I can't. I got a fairy messenger in my window this morning."
>DO TELL, HOW DOTH A FAIRY MESSENGER FUNCTION

(Like I said, he was big into theater so he was always saying shit like "doth" and "thouest.")

>I'm pulling this out of my Zelda repertoire, here goes
>"They circle around you which telepathically gives you the message, then they disappear, which teleports them back to the forest."
>ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE! WHAT WAS THE MESSAGE?
>"My parents were both executed today even though they're royalty. The elves and gnomes have united and are overthrowing both governments."
>HOW HORRIFIC! NO WONDER THY MOOD WATH SOUR
>"Yeah, also, be careful. They know that you know so I'd expect to see a tiger assassin pretty soon."

(this is where he starts to get it.)

Story 3 Part 2

>A TIGER ASSASSIN?!?!?!! DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A FOOL? THAT IS THE MOST LUDICROUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD!
>"Sorry man."
>I BET THIS WHOLE STORY IS A BUNCH OF BALONEY, ISN'T IT?!!! YOU'RE JUST A HUMAN MONGREL AND A LYING DECEPTIVE SIMPLETON CLOD, AREN'T YOU?
>"I guess"

He unleashes his signature screech:

>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

>At this point, he jumps up out of his chair
>teacher is all dafuq.jpg
>Jaemen grabs his water bottle and empties the whole thing onto my head
>At this point I am laughing uncontrollably
>Teacher sees the whole thing
>He has to sit in the back of class for the rest of the day

Next story is probably my absolute best

>>397714612
lmao

Story 4 Part 1

>next year
>I'm in 8th grade, Jaemen is sophomore
>English class
>It's a special day for some reason
>Somebody brought in oreos for the class to share
>As fate would have it, Jaemen and I are sitting next to each other this year again
>Oreos being passed around, come to Jaemen
>HOW DELIGHTFUL THAT SARAH WOULD BRING IN THESE OREO COOKIES FOR US TO SHARE! I LOVE OREO COOKIES, DON'T YOU JUST LOVE OREO COOKIES EDDIE?
>"I've heard they're good."
>"What?"
>"I've heard they're good."
>YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED THE PURE CULINARY BLISS THAT IS THE OREO COOKIE?

he's even weirder now, always waving his hands when he's talking

>"I can't eat them."

not sure how I'm gonna turn this one around but we're gonna roll with it

>ARE YOU ALLERGIC? OH, THE CRUELEST OF TRAGEDIES! I'M NOT SURE I COULD GO ON IN THIS WORLD IF I COULDN'T ENJOY OREO COOKIES

to be continued

sorry these take so long to type up

BIONICLEfag here

Kopaka > Tahu

Best Kanohi:
Rode, the mask of Truth
Komau, the mask of mind control
Kadin, the mask of flight
Kaukau, the mask of underwater breathing

>>397715660
You forgot Couscous, the mask of health.

these stories fucking suck.

Story 4 Part 2

>"Nah man I'm not allergic. It's just not a good idea for me to eat them, okay?"
>The more vague I am the more it burns his curiosity, I need to get him to where he's so desperate for an answer that he'll believe anything
>IF YOU AREN'T ALLERGIC, THEN WHAT IS STOPPING YOU FROM PARTAKING IN THE SUGARY SATISFACTION OF AN OREO COOKIE?!
>"Listen man, if I told you, you'd never believe me anyway."
>PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I PROMISE TO BELIEVE YOU YOU SIMPLY MUST TELL ME

Apparently he's forgotten the whole gnomish-royalty-tiger-assassins fiasco.

>"Fine man. When I was young, my parents took me to the doctor for a routine checkup, right?"
>YES YES CERTAINLY, HOW RESPONSIBLE OF THEM
>"Yeah well they did a blood sample, and the doctor said I have a subtle genetic mutation that affects my digestive tract. Basically I can't eat oreos because my body processes them like cocaine."
>HAH, YOU TRULY THINK I'D FALL FOR THAT, YOU UNCULTURED NEANDERTHAL? I'M OFFENDED THAT YOU THINK I'D BELIEVE SUCH A CHILDISH STORY
>"I told you you wouldn't believe me"
>That was the nail in the coffin

To be continued

>Signature screech

This reminds me of that Chronicles of Neil thread.

>reptard screech


You write the best greentext stories ever, I love the part when they screech their battlecry to the heavens and damned if the teacher is watching

>>397715959
I'm talking about BIONICLE

>>397716230

Ignore the nay sayers, keep the stories coming!

Story 4 Part 3

>FINE THEN, THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS
>"What's that?"
>I know exactly what's coming
>YOU MUST EAT THE OREO COOKIE! EAT AN OREO COOKIE! (and now, practically shoving the cookie at my face and screaming instead of just his usual loud over-acting voice) EAAAAT THE OREO COOKIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!
>"Fine fine man just calm down. I'll eat the cookie."
>EAT THE OREO COOKIE
>I take the cookie and eat it
>Teacher comes into class
>Do nothing for a few minutes, see his smug grin begin to form
>Begin rocking back and forth, very subtly, in my chair
>His eyes glance over but he isn't convinced
>A couple more minutes pass
>Begin tapping finger very quickly on our table
>Teacher done with "lecture" portion, begins asking questions
>Shoot my hand up instantly for every one, spit out each answer as fast as I can even if not called on
>Jaemen now visibly shaken

to be continued

This thread is pretty fucking hilarious, OP. Good job.

Also with that kind of bullshitting skill you should really play /tg/ games.

Bump for OPs tard stories

f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5

Don't care if real or fake. I am enjoying this. Depending on Ending, might be good enough to archive.

>>397717514
are you the guy who archived chronicles of Neil for us

Story 4 Part 4 (hopefully last part)

>Class dismissed
>Run outside as fast as I can, get to foursquare spot before anyone else
>Jaemen also comes to play foursquare
>Even when standing in one place, I make sure to do little hops, like a boxer in the ring or something
>Play the most aggressive game ever, no regard for form or accuracy
>Everybody else assumes I'm trying a new strategy
>Only Jaemen has the burden of "the truth"
>About 10 minutes of the game go by when he finally screams:
>THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! IF ONLY I HADN'T DOUBTED! IF ONLY I HADN'T FORCED HIM TO EAT THE COOKIE! WHY! WHY DID I FORCE HIM TO EAT THE OREO COOKIE? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO HIS POOR FEEBLE BODY?!!
>He looks up at the sky
>GOD, PLEASE, HAVE MERCY UPON MY SOUL!

And then, of course, he screeches:

>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
>Runs off to different section of school yard
>Everyone else looks at me like, dafuq
>I just shrug my shoulders
>Jaemen eats lunch alone in silence
>Observe at a distance
>Periodically stops and just holds head in his hands

That was the day he began to go full psycho.
Should I type more?

>>397717803
Not even his second cousin thrice removed on his mother's side's roommates brother's cousin.

That guy was cool though.

Just for future reference OP it is always better to type them up in notepad first then copy/paste onto here so that people don't have to wait.

>>397717883
Let me think about i- YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS.

Bump. This shit is funny.

>>397717961
The REALLY smart thing is to type it up in notepad, and then act as if you're typing it out- makes people wait, which makes them want it more, without the stress of trying to type it out super quick.

if i could, i would sit on the edge of my seat.
but im in a ball, so i cant.

love it, bump

>>397717883

MOAR JAEMAN!

>>397718243

THAT'S CHEATING!

>>397718407
...Ball, huh?

>>397717883
GYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! EDDIE HOW COULDST THOU?

>>397718407
I'm in a beanbag chair.

So this is a combination of aspergers and retardation we're dealing with here..?

>>397718508
YOU'RE CHEATING!

Hurry! Only 19% battery life left!!!

>>397718407

i meant on a ball, not in one.
got im a newfag

MOAR!

>>397718869
im below 10...

>>397718874
That's ironic...

In fact, I could even say you're... Not on the ball tonight. *BA-DUM TSSSSS*

inb4 jaemon becomes best actor of his generation

>>397717961
Thanks for the tip, I'll keep that in mind if I have the occasion to do something like this again.
>>397718104
Okay here goes.

Story 5 Part 1

>timeskip 1 year
>I'm now a freshman, Jaemen is a junior
>at potlucks and stuff, make sure Jaemen always sees me conspicuously skip the oreos
>Anyone remember the BSOD (Blue Screen of Death) screensaver?
>Now that a friend of mine and I are no longer "faggot middle schoolers" we decide to be badass and do a prank by putting the BSOD screensaver on all of the school computers
>We make a list and map, make a checkmark on a computer when we get it set up
>Soon over 50% have the prank
>Walk into computer room
>See Jaemen at one computer, playing some internet flash game
>Ask him how it's going
>WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET I AM CLOSE TO ACHIEVING A SCORE IN THE NATIONAL TOP THREE HUNDRED
>"Sorry man, Mrs. W (teacher) wants you to help her with something"
>CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY
>Guy is the biggest brown noser ever, I only have to push a bit more
>"She said it's really important and really needs you, she'd really appreciate it"
>ABSOLUTELY IT WOULD BE AN HONOR
>He runs out of the room, leaving the computer unattended

to be continued

>>397719312
I like where this is going.

Lurking this entire thread.
I love it.

It does not make me laugh, even makes me laugh, But for some reason I'm enjoying this.
Proceed.

Is this sum OC? shiiiiiiiiiit...

HA! This is some epic shit right here.

Sage bump for half faggotry

>lurk.jpg

Story 5 Part 2

>Open new tab, don't want to fuck up his game
>Download BSOD screensaver, install, setting panel, etc
>Test it, it's working
>Check off computer from list
>Set to 5-minute delay
>Move tab back to game, which is on pause
>Unplug keyboard
>Wait
>4:30 later Jaemen comes back
>WHAT VILE LIES HATH YOU INVENTED THIS TIME YOU MONSTROUS WRETCH
>"Huh?"
>YOU HEARD ME, MRS. W SAID SHE DIDN'T NEED MY HELP
>"Well you were pretty slow leaving since you argued with me about it. She probably just got someone else to do it."
>He's looking at his game and getting anxious, just need a few seconds longer
>Anything will do
>"By the way, the war has subsided and a new gnome-elf federation has been established. They're too busy setting up the new government for the tiger-assassins to come for you now."
>HAH! AS IF I'D BELIEVE THAT MORONIC STORY AGAIN -
>BSOD comes on
>He believes his precious game is done for
>Instantly silent, RUNS to computer
>Furiously tapping keyboard, nothing happening
>Looks at me in desperation
>YOU! YOU'RE GOOD AT TECHNOLOGY! I DEMAND THAT YOU RESTORE THIS COMPUTER!

To be continued

This is now known as "The Jaemen Chronicles"

Please, go on...

>>397720359
screencap and post tomorrow. I got work in the morning.

>me and best bud
>5 or 6 yrs old
>bionicles had just come out
>we both had subscriptions to Lego magazine
>few issues of Bionicle start up
>reds my favorite color, i get Tahu
>for reason i cant remember, he gets Kopaka
>Always arguing: FUCK YOU, TAHU CAN BURN STUFF
>NUH UH, KOPAKA CAN FREEZE STUFF AND BESIDES, WATER BEATS FIRE
>repeatedly poke him in eye with Tahu's flame sword
>deep in my soul i knew he was right
>never admitted it
>ever
>friend moved away to Nevada a few years later
>came back one time, i was still living there right before i moved.
>we had barely anything to talk about
>awkward silence
>he left
>haven't found a trace of him since
>mfw

>>397720737
Don't greentext in a greentexting OP's thread.

Story 5 Part 3

>"Did it crash?"
>YOU'RE THE EXPERT WHEN IT COMES TO THESE HORRIFIC NEWFANGLED MACHINES, YOU TELL ME
>Casually stroll over, pretend to be confounded by problem
>Tell him we have to restart
>Look of pure dread falls across his face
>He moves mouse, nothing happens (fixed that setting)
>HOW CAN WE EVEN RESTART IF THE COMPUTER WILL NOT RESPOND TO OUR BIDDING
>"Looks like we're just gonna have to press and hold the power switch."
>NO! WE MUST NEVER DO THAT! I WAS ALMOST IN THE TOP THREE HUN -
>"Jaemen, I'm sorry, but...we lost your game the moment this crashed. Doing a normal restart won't save it."
>He looks down at the floor, his hands clenched into fists, the veins in his hands clearly visible
>Suddenly throws his head back and unleashes the beast

>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

>He jams one finger onto the power button with the violence of a thousand putrid demons
>Hear the "kee-ump" as the system does a hard shutdown

>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

>He runs out of the room

End of story 5, might have one or two more if you guys want them.

Fucking loving these, OP. brilliant.

>>397721164
gib stories pls i report u

>>397721164
i can now die happily

>>397721164

I have to be up at 6 am (its 1 where I live right now) to graduate from College and I'm choosing to stay up and read these instead. Seriously, keep! Them! Coming!

>>397721164
>>397721164
>>397721164
>>397721164
>>397721164
>>397721164
FUCK YES. I DEMAND MORE OF THE JAEMEN CHRONICLES

>>397718508
Who's this girl again?

MOAR!

Fuckin' sperg tales. Keep em' coming, OP.

>>397721592

Nigga you mean to tell me you've never heard of Claire Muthafucking Abbot?

Jaemen comics...
Now an Internet phenomenon

HEY GUYS, MISS ME?

>>397721878
is she a porn star?

Monitoring.

>>397722163

Nope just a girl with big titties. I don't think she has any nudes unfortunately.

Good god, this is within the ranks of Shadowfang and Fats Mcgee and the Retard Three

>>397721365
>>397721368
>>397721421
>>397721431

As you wish.

Story 6, Part 1

>A couple weeks later
>This year in English I have made a conscious effort to sit next to Jaemen, cannot let the streak be broken
>"Hey Jaemen, what was that game you were playing?"
>HELI ATTACK 2, I PLAY IT ON MINICLIP DOT COM
>"Is it fun?"
>YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST PLAY, THERE IS NOTHING MORE ENJOYABLE KNOWN TO MANKIND
>"Did you ever get that high score?"
>".......no."
>Shocked to hear him use a normal voice
>Actually a little sad
>Feeling some feels
>Not liking it one bit
>"Why not, man?"
>AFTER THE VIRUS WENT AROUND ON ALL OF THE SCHOOL COMPUTERS ALL OF THE FUN AND GLORIOUS WEBSITES WERE BLOCKED
>That's more like it
>(yeah the prank we pulled caused a bit of a fiasco, and guess who were the two guys tech-savvy enough to "clean" the "infections"? It was pretty great)
>"Man, that sucks. Why not just play at home though?"
>I COULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING
>"Why?"
>Definitely not used to being the one asking questions
>I SHALL NEVER ANSWER SUCH A QUESTION
>you bastard
>gotta turn this around fast
>"Fine. Just know that whatever I'm imagining as the reason, its 100x worse than reality"

I love how this started out with half of the people like "meh" but now everyone is anxiously awaiting the new jaemen chronicles xD

This is seriously some good shit OP. Has me reminiscing about middle school.
I used to pick on some semi retarded kid but it
wasn't anywhere close to this good.
Please keep posting
>mfw this thread

>>397722363
she has nudes...they all have nudes

>>397722402

Shadowfang was good times

>>397710895
i am f5'ing this shit

long time lerker, first time poster.

>>397718869

Yo man, his do you upload photos on ios? On my iPhone. Now. It. See gives me the option.

>>397722827
"A thousand suns of misfortune to you!!"

>>397722628
> xD
No.

Story 6 Part 2

>"I bet you got caught smoking weed and your parents took the internet away because it's a satanic influence."
>He was ultra hardcore Christian, plus as a freshman I thought smoking weed was pretty much the equivalent of killing hookers
>WHY ON EARTH DO YOU THINK I'D DEFILE MY BODY WHICH IS MY TEMPLE WITH THAT DISGUSTING SUBSTANCE
>"Like I said man, whatever I'm coming up with is worse than reality"
>MAYBE SO BUT I'LL STILL NEVER TELL
>"You know, I bet I could get around the site filters and let you play Chopper Wars Three"
>intentionally botch the name
>IT'S CALLED HELI ATTACK TWO YOU MISERABLE CRETIN WOULD YOU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO THAT FOR ME
>"Of course man, but what happened?"
>You can see how conflicted he is, it almost hurts to remember it now
>...
>I COULD NEVER TELL

I was running out of options at this point.

To be continued

I dunno how Jaemen came up with those lines on the spot. Its both amusing and impressive.

>>397723290
Agreed.

>>397723290

(^_^)

>>397723392

>Inb4 Bel Air

>>397723214

Haha. Do we have that shit archived?
We need anotha epic story like that, that had a build up to some great shit

pffff making fun of retarded kids
big deal

>>397723482

Story 6 Part 3

>Really desperate, I can't let this opportunity pass me by
>"Well you know man, I can't just risk getting caught and unlock the computers for nothing. Economics, you know?"
>He's taking econ this year, oh, he knows
>Face looks like it's going to split in half
>"Chopper Wars 3 is pretty cool right?"
>He begins breathing heavily
>I CAN'T...I CAN'T SAY IT
>"Was it...uh, how do I phrase this...did you get busted with erotic material?"

>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

>Sprints out of chair
>Don't see him until lunch

>Apparently I was right

End of story 6

>implying this shit is real

>>397723784
I'm pretty sure it's been archived. Just image search shadowfang and the compilation comes up. Fats Mcgee was awesome, so was chronicles of neil. ALSO, the nig-nog stories were so funny

first time i dont tl;dr

>>397724146
This shit is too stupid to make up. If OP was bullshitting us all, he'd be trying harder, and we'd be able to see it. That, and he'd probably have it all typed up beforehand.

Furthermore, he asked if we wanted more, implying he was unprepared for it, but had more stories in mind. This would've taken time to make up AND type.
-------------
Even if this is fake, though, it's fucking hilarious and deserves a spot in the ol' archives.

MOAR

>>397723097
I'm on the chan elite app. Fucking worth it. You can save .gifs! Helps with jerking at a neighbors house!

>>397724340

Unfortunately wasn't there for those ones. Wish I had been though. They make for some of the most best threads ever

Story 7, this might be my last

>one year timeskip
>now a sophomore, Jaemen is in his senior year
>relatively few interesting events and GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!s happening
>All in all disappointing year
>That is, until I find out that Jaemen likes this girl from our school who also acts
>Forget how I heard but he definitely didn't tell me, just a grapevine thing I guess
>oh lawd this is gonna be good
>Begin planning
>Sit next to Jaemen at lunch
>"Hey man, haven't seen you around as much this year. Things going well?"
>OH EDWARD HOW KIND OF YOU TO ASK, I AM JUST THRILLED TO SEE YOU
>"Must be getting excited for graduation, yeah?"
>As I expected, his face drops a bit
>Girl he likes is younger and he won't see her after grad
>I SUPPOSE, ONWARD FLOWETH THE RIVERS OF TIME
>"What's the matter man?"
>NOTHING, A SOULLESS HOLLOW CLOD WITH THE EMOTIONAL DEPTH OF AN ARACHNID COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND THE TORMENT OF MY SOUL
>best Jaemen lines ever heard were in this conversation
>"Man haven't I always been here to help you? You know I've always had your back for you, right?"
>Absolutely cannot blow this opportunity

To be continued

this is so good. you must continue!

>>397724993
The Nig-nog ones were decent, but i completely lost my shit when the first-nations author gave out his steam name, which was "RunsWithNigNogs"

>>397725050
My god... the seventh jaemen...

The End is Nigh, you soulless, hollow clods with the emotional depth of arachnids.

>>397714612

lmao also. I love this.

MOAR

>>397725209

Just from that "runswithnignogs" I bet I woulda lost my shit too. Hahah

Story 7 Part 2

>I SUPPOSE THAT IN SPITE OF OUR DEEP-SEATED ANTAGONISM, YOU AND I TRULY ARE THE GREATEST OF FRIENDS, MADE STRONGER BY THE STRAIN OF OUR MUTUAL OPPOSITION
>yeah let's not get carried away champ
>Barely whispering: "Listen, man, is...is it her?"
>QUIET IMBECILE SOMEONE MIGHT HEAR YOU, WHO EVEN TOLD YOU THAT? CERTAINLY IT WATH NOT I
>"So it is?"
>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
>OF COURSE IT IS YOU HALF-WITTED BIVALVE
>"Listen man, I'm pretty smooth with girls. I have a date to prom and everything, let me help you."
>WHAT PATHETIC WENCH WOULD AGREE TO GO TO A DANCE WITH YOU
>can't answer that myself, actually, still not sure how I pulled it off
>"But I've got a date and that's saying something, right?"
>Yeah...yeah, I guess it does. OKAY I MOST HUMBLY ACCEPT YOUR MOST MAGNANIMOUS AND BENEFICENT OFFER OF HELP
>He really worried me there for a second talking normally like that
>"Alright, so what sort of things do you two have in common?"

To be continued

Does anybody have the screen capped images of Shadowfang, Chronicles of Neil and Nig Nog? I thought it would be worth while to share them and read as we wait for OP (who I was legend) to write his tale. I have Fats McGee and the Retard Three to share.

>>397725547
>>397725050

This is sad, the end of the Jaemen Chronicles!

Something this good deserves tits. Bump... and to whoever's listening out there... archive plox?

Story 7 Part 3

>WELL WE ARE BOTH PRACTITIONERS OF THE NOBLE AND REFINED ART OF STAGE PERFORMANCE
>"Great, so you both like acting. Cool."
>Conversation goes on like this for a while, some of the better insults tossed in my direction were "DRIVELING FOOL" and "SNOT-NOSED RABID ANIMAL"
>Finally he feels prepared to make a move
>O WISE COUNSELOR, DOST YE HAVE ANY FINAL WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUR WILLING AND HUMBLE STUDENT
>Almost say no, but think better of it
>Missed opportunity averted
>"Yeah, man. Just try to be there for her, be responsive to her needs. Feel what she's lacking, and be that."
>MOST SAGACIOUS INSIGHT, HOW SHALL I EVER REPAY YOU
>"No need for that. Go get her, killer."

To be continued

damn it OP, finish the fucking story!

>>397726432
Good tits.

I will remember this day. AS THE DAY OF THE JAEMEN!

>>397726709
...Want... Ending... So... MUCH!

>>397726709
waiting patiently OP its the least I could do

Archive please?

Can we see a picture of JAEMAN?

>>397726709

I've grown to like Jaemen. Hope it's a happy ending.

fucking 3:38 AM waiting for this...

Story 7 part 4

>He walks up to her and protests
>THE PROM MY DAMSEL, DOTH THEE HAVE A DATE?
>She looks a big weird, but shakes her head, no.
>OKAY THEN, YOU WILL GO WITH ME
>Surprisingly she went with him.
>Day of prom
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur

>>397727307 pics would be nice

pro

10/10

knew it

>>397727640
saged
not op?

>>397727640
you son of a bitch

>inb4 shitstorm

>>397727550
Weon tonto,

>>397727550
the best trolls learn from these threads

>>397727640
OH YOU

i hate you.

May Jaemen experience the fortunes of one hundred kings.

My body is ready for the ending.

>>397727640
Waitareyoutryingtocheatme.jpg

Story 7 Part 4

>One week later
>Physical fitness test day, basically we did pushups, situps, and running and if you weren't a complete landwhale you passed
>School has to complete it by law or something, who knows
>Jaemen exempt because he's a senior
>Girl he likes is named Carina
>She's a freshman
>Sophomores (like myself) finish up their run, end of test, hooray time to goof off for the rest of the school day
>Freshmen go out to begin
>Jaemen longingly gazing out the window after her
>I sit down next to him
>"So...today's the day, huh?"
>OH EDWARD I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE IT IN ME, I AM NOT THE INDOMITABLE WOMANIZER YOU ARE
>(I'm almost 20 and never had a real girlfriend, if only he could see me now)
>"You do, man. You really do. You're smart, you like the same things, and you...you really have a way with words."
>He doesn't understand the full meaning of that last bit
>VERY WELL, I SHALL STEEL MY RESOLVE AND COMPLETE THIS IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO
>They finish like twenty minutes later or something
>Carina walks inside, kind of sweaty because they all just ran a mile or something
>she isn't looking in his direction
>DARLING CARINA
>oh god here it comes
>She turns around, surprised
>DARLING CARINA

To be continued, field too long

>>397727640
ID...protip it's not OP

>>397727753
>>397727775
>>397727795
>>397727815
>>397727834
>>397727879


>SIMPLE MINDED BAFOONS
>ONE TRICK, EASY TO DO
>DA ROOF, YOU FELL THROUGH

>>397727640
Saged.

Not OP. Probably.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIVOuC5Ao_U&feature=plcp#t=02m54s

None of you know how to read IDs. This hasn't been OP the entire time. Still, legit, carry on.

>>397728039
You have a different ID as OP than in the rest of the thread, newfriend.

>>397728039
It changes daily, the second post was after midnight.

>>397728039

ID's change often from OP to OP's later posts. lurk moar

>>397728179
>>397728183

>BLUNDERING TALLY WADGERS
>I THOUGHT MY TROLL WAS EZ TO DO

>>397728039
Newfag confirmed.

Ignore the idiot who did the dinosaur, this story is 100% real and I'd never ruin it with spaghetti, dinos, Bel Air, etc.

Story 7 Part 5

>oh god
>YOU LOOK SO DEHYDRATED, PERHAPS YOU WOULD ENJOY A DRINK OF REFRESHING BOTTLED WATER TO QUENCH YOUR THIRST
>I fully expect him to kill me after this but I can't not watch
>He offers her his half-empty bottle
>I am paralyzed in my seat, I cannot escape nor do I want to
>"Um...no thanks...I'll see you later Jaemen"
>She runs off with girls to talk about whatever girls talk about when stuff like this happens
>I'm saying as many Our Fathers as I possibly can, the end is nigh for me
>He doesn't move, I hear him exhale loudly
>His fists clench into fists that I think must have been fueled with enough rage to destroy the entirety continental US
>I'm having Heli Attack 2 flashbacks
>He slowly turns
>Face looks like it's going to explode off his skull
>He comes towards me
>oh no, I'm coming Lord
>turns, goes out the door instead
>wait, what?

>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Epilogue coming soon

>>397728179
Makes sense. I'm English so I didn't realize it was midnight.

>>397728335
Brilliant.

>>397727885

SHIT OH MAN WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!

>>397728431
Not OP.
ID's don't change daily. They change after each post. Test it yourself.

>>397728546
>>397728471
Oh my got it's a conspiracy I was wrong.

>>397728431
While it's true that ID's change at midnight, it's more the case that the OP has two ID's: One when he posts a new thread, and one for every post he makes afterwards. Check out some other threads, or hell, make one of your own, and check it out. You'll see it very soon.

And you'll still be a newfag.

>>397728179

Go try it urself... Post new thread. then post a message in your thread. FUCKING POST ID MAGICALLY CHANGES.

>>397728335

OP you have made my final night of college a night to remember. Thanks.

>>397728335

This reminds me of the end of corny sitcoms, freeze-frame on his GYAAAH form with the credits plastered over it.

feelsgoodman.jpg

Who has all the original comics plus a signed holographic version for the mask of light?
This guy.
And pretty much all the sets. Lost interest once the went to metu nui or bs like that. The ice one (can't fucking remember the name) was the boss.

>>397728810
FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

CANNOT UNSEE! YOU BASTARD! YOU COMPLETELY CORRECT BASTAAARRRRRRRD!

>>397714612

He unleashes his signature screech:

>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

i laughed my ass off...,.

These stories are shit compared to Roemer... but I'm still nokosaging.

>>397729075
Roemerbro, the retard who wasn't a retard brings a tear to my eye.

Please OP hurry up i want to sleep

>GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

>>397715374

>mfw i know an extremely hot girl who acts like this...i mean picture bubble butt, 38DD cups....but acting like this....

>>397729162
why sage, you want to keep /b/ out of this awsome post?

The Jaemen Chronicles: Epilogue

>After that, only about a month of school was left
>It passed mostly without incident
>Some shouting, some overblown theatricality, some insults, but nothing to match the ones I've already listed
>Jaemen graduated in June
>I continued on with life in high school, never saw him again
>One of my friends ended up dating Carina but they broke up, c'est la vie
>I graduated and went on to college
>Now a sophomore
>Keep in touch with the few people I know that are still in high school
>Apparently Jaemen is still known to haunt the halls of the local community college
>I almost miss him some days, especially the random insults and the GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! screeches that would randomly pierce the air

One last thing. When reading through some of the comments, a lot of people were saying I was "making fun of retards" or that this was a tard story.

Jaemen was not Trevor. Jaemen was not Shadowfang. Jaemen was not Neal. Jaemen was not Fats McGee.

Jaemen was 100% mentally healthy.

Goodnight, /b/, it's been a blast. I really hope someone screencaps all this, it's been a real ride to write it all up and I'd love to get a record of it.

Cheers,
Edward, former heir to the gnomish throne

NEED PICTURE OF JAEMAN

Somebody screen this immediately

>>397729534

God bless, and good luck with those tiger assassins.

Go to:
http://chanarchive.org/request_votes

Enter:
>>397710895

We need archival.

Bravo OP!

Bravo!

>>397729534

Thanks again OP! Time to sleep. Maybe dream of Jaemen.

>>397729842
cancerfag

Anyone who didn't enjoy these stories is A SOULLESS HOLLOW CLOD WITH THE EMOTIONAL DEPTH OF AN ARACHNID

Op is my hero. Will give my firstborn son the middle name edward in his honor.

>>397729534
Hail to Gnome Prince Edward Jaemenbane!

Good sir, the sleep deprivation was well worth it. When I think about how tired I am tomorrow morning, My thoughts shall turn towards GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH piercing the halls of a community college.

You, sir, have earned your throne, and an Archive. (Someone get on that shit.)

Hail to Gnome Prince Edward Jaemenbane.

>Know a kid similar to Jaeman
>Says 'due to the fact' a lot
>Has some mental disorder where he doesn't k ow when to stop talking (can't read body language or some shit)
>mfw he lives 2 houses away from me
>lights his garden on fire to get rid of weeds
>burns down house
>kills own dog
>invites me to dog's funeral
>Tard lvl.99
>bang his 14 yr old (somehow hot) sister
>feelsgoodman.jpg

Archived: http://chanarchive.org/4chan/b/45239

Bravo, OP! I can now rest peacefully.

>>397710895
you sir have redeemed the name Edward from the ignominy Stephanie Meyers has forced upon it,
You are a gentleman and a scholar sir.

Good reads OP, many thanks.

Amazing stuff OP, thanks for sharing.

finished screencapping all of it.

meh

>>397730813

Hero

Before this thread ends... I have one last thing to say.
>GYAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Epic thread, Thank you OP

upvote thread
http://chanarchive.org/

>>397729534

You are my hero you have changed my life, and your tales will be past on to future lurkers. Now go ride into the sunset you magnificent bardic bastard you let it be known today Op wasn't a faggot.

In Epic Bread, Sam reporting in

And that's how the GYYAAAHHHHH!!!!! crumbles, folks.

>>397729534

Did anyone tear up at the end? I hate when things I love end, and in this short amount of time, I came to love jaemon and his antics...

GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!, my friends, GYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Epic fucking thread dude. That shit was fucking hilarious.

FATS MCGEE IS COMEDY GOLD! HOLY SHIT I'M DYING! HAHAHAHA

Bravo OP, one of the most worthwhile threads I've seen on b in a while

Delivering Shadowfang

Delivering Toof

Bionicle omg the nostalgia. Does anyone remember that rpg sort of game you could play online? can't remember shit about it

Delivering Fats Mcgee

Delivering Jeffy

Delivering Neal. Not sure if this is the whole story though.

archive in progress, keep this thread alive!

>>397737391
The deliveries come rolling in just as I was about to leave the thread. Thank you, sir.

Fuck, resolution too big. Gimme a moment /b/.

The Tale of Jaemen, delivered

>>397710895

OP 3/10 for original content. But srsly, did you buttfuck this guy? What was your obsession with this kid? For real. Faggot. Read halfway through. Got bored.

Thanks for wasting my time faggot.

next time just cut straight to the chase and fucking butt fuck these nerdy faggots you fucking faggot.

Thats they only reason you mess with this kid is because you have some kind of strange attraction to him.

Faggot.

>>397739506
1/10
Made me reply

OP is a 16 year old and not a fag. Congrats!

Ive got a story to tell.

>be in 5th or 6th grade
>ymca after school program
>my bro and i playing chess
>kid with anger issues wants to play
>perfect opportunity
>he starts playing with my bro
>i blow down his chess pieces every time he looks away
>on about the 9th blow down, he shot out of his chair like a cat, flipped the chess board into the ceiling pieces flying
>starts yelling "FUCK CHESS!!! FUCK CHESS!!!"
>over and over
> kindergartners everywhere
>he gets in trouble and i dont
>lol

Holy fuck I enjoyed this thread. Better than bacon.

are we getting to the part where this is like fight club? or you go "and thats how i survived Columbine"

>>397741854
... And that's how the high command took my daddy from me.

bump for more useless school stories